Can anyone advise me what to do?(long)

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Can anyone advise me what to do?(long)

Postby mumof3kids » Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:52 am

My eldest is studying in a church kindergarten, she is adatping quite well, although there are some complaints from her from time to time. But overall, she learn quite a lot, esp. her English...

At the time I just gave birth my 3rd on 2008, I have to time to handle my 2nd, so, hv to send him to child care centre nearby as easier for me to send & fetch. My boy is slow is speech, stat to speak in sentence only when he is 3yrs old, now he is 4 yrs old, but still, his speech skills is not that good. He tend to throw tantrum as he can't express himself well, and we cant understand what he he is in the middle, where eldest always being care too much due to poor health, and youngest is being care more as she is small.. Guess this caused some bad impacts..

He always cry when he is in CC, teachers seems cant handle him, every morning we have hard time to get him change to uniform and send him to school. But I still stay on until I found that the Principal of the CC beat my son, I decided to change school( no wondr he is crying all the time, even teh Principal will beat my son, what about the teachers??)

Thinking my eldest is senttling well in her school, and my son do listen to elder sister, moreover, we save time on sending & fetching, we registered my son to eldest's kindergerten. before register, i do talk to the school and teacher regards to my son's condition, they said no problem..Right after my son is there, complaints keep coming in, sometimes, I feel so frustrated. the form teacher even raise compaint when my son is refused to take off his shoes when they are playing at playground. I suppose this is small matter where the teacher should be able to handle. what is the promise that they made? They told me the form teacher is very patient teacher & surely can handle my son well.
then the teacher told me my son is autistic, ask me to bring him to see doctor, I was at the shock, how can she use that term without doctor's certification. But, as mum, I must admit that my son really don't like to deal with others, he rather play himself. So, I called KKH for appointment, but the appointment is so far away..then I told the teacher abt this, she said she know that, I also informed the appointment date to her. But, few days later, she went to my eldest's class when she is in the lesson, she asked my girl to tell me to bring my son to see doctor.. What a silly action,?? I do fetch my son everyday and see the teacher everyday, why she cant talk to me personnally, but to the 6 yrs old kid?? also, I have informed her that I made the appointment!!
Once, the teacher refused to give goodie bag to my son as she said my son is screaming..all the kids have that except my son, he is crying so badly & teacher still refuse to give even after the class dismissed. My son cant be soothed that day, I nearly fainted after his struggles from school to home..I cried that day, my whole body aching as pulling and grabing son to prevent him run away ( he is aiming to school to get his goodie bag). the second day, I talk to the teacher, she said she must be firm, no way for her to be soft as she doesn't want my son to take advantage.

since then, she seems not happy that I raised issue on her, she just like not bother my son, until my son's appointment is quite close, I requested her to a letter on my son's behaviour in the class.. 2 pages of A4 paper, all taking abt my son's bad points..Nothing is heart is bleeding..
When I brought my son to the autism consultation, the PD told me my son isn't autistic, he is actually quite good, just that he might be lack of secure and cares, and due to he is slow in speaking and he might not understand well as other kids, if the caregiver/ teacher did not pay attention to him, or has no patience, this boy will become aggressive. PD told me what the teacher wrote is showing she is not profession, she cant handle a slightly playful boy, then why to be a teacher?? but still, PD do admit that my son do have some problems that have to be solved. eg. motor skills( he cant write or trace properly, tend to scribble instead of color or write, tend to scream when he is not happy). so we still make the appointment for all the therapies.. still all needs to wait in months..

back to the school, teachers all treated my son as transparenr. Everyday, he still crying when we want him to change uniform, he told me all the teachers are very fierce. he refused to step in to the school gate, I cant bring him in, as we are not allow to step in unless done the temperature checks and with other matters to do(eg. birthday celebration). I cant bring him in, so, I suppose the teachers should have the responsibility to come & bring him, right? But NO..none of them come..they all just stand there & chat, treated my son & me transparent, while my girl has go in , seems like we are different parties..

last Friday, one of the teacher even shouted at my son when he did not show his hand properly during the morning checks. that is right in front of me!! what if I am not there? other mummies said I am so timid and stupid, they urgue me to talk to the teacher immediately and raise complaint to principal. But I did not.. Today, same thing, my son still refuse to step in, my eldest tried to bring him in together while holding 2 bags, but the teachers still nvr come, they are still standing there watching the show.... :x

**I wanted to complaint but my concern is I am worrying that teacher will do hanky panky things to my son without our notice. as my son doesn't know to complaint to us, when we ask how's the teachers, he also refuse to answer.

** I wanted to change school for him, but there isn't any good school nearby( or anyone of you can recommend good kiddy nearby Hougang Ave 9?). also, keep on changing school will caused any side effect to him?? :oops: :cry:

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Postby rubydoll » Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:21 am

Dear mum
I read your message twice to get a complete view. The boy definetly need to be changed to a good school surrounding. If you donot do it , later it will affect his self estime. do get some help from yr husband.
spend some value time for this boy as each kid is different.Ignore the teachers , i know a lot of preschool teachers like this. they donot change.
we need to change.

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Postby jedamum » Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:27 am

hi mumof3kids,
one of my reasons of choosing the current church kindy for my ds2 is precisely that i believe that teachers teaching in such premises have more passion and treat their teaching duties as service to God; my ds2 is a very active boy and i need that extra assurance in finding caring teachers who can deal with his temperament.
last year, my experience with his pre-nursery teacher was not good. she has nothing good to say about my boy. she mentioned that he is different and urged me to seek help. she put him in the 'naughty corner' every other day cos he disrupted lessons. he was not even 3 yo and out of 5 months, he had been crying for 3 months whenever it was time to go to school. when it was time to practice for the year end concert, the teacher told me not to let my boy joined in as there was a risk of him injuring his classmates with props (umbrella). it was so tempting for me to withdraw him (although the sch is reputed for strong curriculum) and seek another alternative to get away from all these; at the same time i was on the queue to seek NUH's therapist assessment.

the main difference in both our experiences is the Principals of the school; i spent time writing letters to the principal, i no longer speak to the teacher; i feedback and corresponded with the principal directly on issues regarding my son. The principal has been very encouraging and she even helped out in my boy's class during dismissal time to ensure that my boy did not dash out when they opened the gates. This year, i am lucky that my boy has been assigned to 2 very committed teachers, and my boy flourishes under their guidance. when i hesitated to let my boy joined in their mid yr and yr end concert, both teachers assured me that the props are harmless and that the moves are simple as they are all only nursery students. when i hesitated to let my boy joined his class for excursions, i was again given assurance. they have also assigned one teacher to pay special attention to my boy. My boy loves his teachers and also going to school.

personally i feel that if your child's principal hit him, you can start looking for another school. how to expect the teachers to behave decently under such leadership? academic in this case should not be a priority and most importantly, you need to find a school that has caring teachers that is willing to help your child learn other lifeskills such as communications and social behaviour.

MHO. All the best.

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Postby toddles » Mon Oct 18, 2010 3:30 pm

I think you should change your son's school. Help him to start afresh.

cos he has developed quite a 'reputation' in this school, and it'll be hard to change the teachers' prejudice against him.

when you start in the new school, you can tell them that your child is slow in speech etc, but don't tell them too much so that he can have a fresh start.

who knows, he might really like the teachers there and get along better with everyone.

the priority in looking for a school for him will be how patient and caring the teachers are, and things like curriculum or how much he can learn there can be secondary for now.

I think it's especially tough to be the middle child, and outside of school, you could also try to spend alone-time with him, to give him special attention, to assure him that you love him just as much, and maybe things will get better. all the best!

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Re: Can anyone advise me what to do?(long)

Postby sleepy » Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:19 pm

mumof3kids wrote:At the time I just gave birth my 3rd on 2008, I have to time to handle my 2nd, so, hv to send him to child care centre nearby as easier for me to send & fetch. My boy is slow is speech, stat to speak in sentence only when he is 3yrs old, now he is 4 yrs old, but still, his speech skills is not that good. He tend to throw tantrum as he can't express himself well, and we cant understand what he he is in the middle, where eldest always being care too much due to poor health, and youngest is being care more as she is small.. Guess this caused some bad impacts..

I would suggest you take care of your number 2 personally since he obviously need more attention now than the other 2 kids. Perhaps you can consider homeschooling him temporarily and supplement with enrichments if necessary.
Your youngest is around 2 years old now? If can't cope with both at home, perhaps you can think of alternative babysitting arrangement for your youngest child

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Postby DesertWind » Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:49 pm

Hi mumof3kids,

My heart aches for your 4 yo boy when I read your post! :cry:
It was really mean of the teacher not to give the goodie bag to your boy, he is just 4 yo for goodness sake! And the teacher is really too much to withhold just to "teach him a lesson"! :x
Young children need a lot of love, care and concern, be it from parents or from their teachers. Mean treatments will not do their development any good!
Furthermore, since your boy has been crying everyday and reluctant to go to school, I think you should not force him.

I have similar experience with my 3 yo boy. We place him at a CCC from 2 yo to 2.5 yo. He is a very active boy and we also for convenience sake just place him in the nearest CCC to our house so that we can send and maid can fetch easily! However, I think he was terribly bored in this structured environment and after 3 months, teachers told us he is not able to pay attention. After 6 months, teacher told us that he is not giving eye-contact and unable to join/sit down in class and told us to go for early intervention!

Was really a shock to us too because everyday we send him to school but teacher never said anything. At home, he was always a happy boy and we did not think there was anything wrong! It did not help that at home & at doctor's clinic he tends to go into his "terrible twos" tantrums and he has a temper I can tell you! So few occassions, doctors told us to look for signs of autism and bring him to KKH for assessments!

During the KKH assessment, the doctor said there is no need to go for further tests as my boy is OK but has speech delay so must go for speech therapy (long wait of 5 - 6 months I am still waiting to bring him for the 1st session!).

I pulled him out of the CCC at 2.5 yo and put him into a private early intervention centre! The main advantage of such centres is the small teacher-student ratio 1-4 or 1-5 max. It is expensive to say the least but for private centres, you do not need a clinical diagnosis to attend and I try not to think about the "stigma" as I can see that my boy has turned around. My boy is very happy there and enjoys going to school very much! The teachers and principal are friendly and he has gone for a school outing to the zoo, celebrated his 3 yo birthday there, received a number of goodie bags, got invited to a classmate's home to attend a birthday party and had a really wonderful children's day party at school recently with lots of activities eg. balloon man, sandplay, colouring of hair, macdonald's lunch etc..etc....! I was so glad to see him happy! :love:

(Lastest breakthrough - my son is now able to recite A-Z and 1-10 when previously he was mono-syllabic until almost his 3 yo birthday. He is also speaking words more!).

I think your main aim must be to ensure your 2nd boy is HAPPY so that he can develop properly. Based on what I have shared above, I will advice you very strongly to stop sending your boy to his current school. It is better for him to stay at home (& be with you since you are a SAHM) then to go to school unhappy. Then look around for a school / CCC with very supportive teachers and principal who can/willing to help your boy.

I am going to PM you to share more.

Take heart mumof3kids, as you can see, you are not alone here!

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Postby sunshine05 » Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:54 pm

Agreed with DesertWind and sleepy.

Keep your 2nd child at home with you for the time being. Remove the external factors (such as schooling) and observe and be with him. At the meantime, take time to look out for another school. Perhaps during this period, all the unhappiness about schooling will be erased from his mind.... :D

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Postby EASON MAGPIES » Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:31 am


I also quite new here. I am a dad and I also think you should change school. Get help from hubby or other family members also.

I have a newborn daughter...actually now 10 months already and I am quite sure I will stop at one. Brave of you to have 3.

When I was a young child, I also always kenna scolding from kinder garden teacher. Until now I still can remember she throw duster at me so imagine.

If you dont change his school sure got self esteem problem. Help him before too much damage done.

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Postby 2centsworthy » Wed Oct 20, 2010 8:37 am

Dear Mumof3Kids,

When KK PD attended to your son, did he send him for a hearing test? My friend's child and my own had a similar situation... loner, playing by himself, low self esteem, slow in speech (but started uttering words at 8mths and then stopped at 15-18mths etc... I tried talking to him in a soft tone to see whether he could hear... yes, he could... then lots of people tell me boys are slower in speech. In any case, his pronunication at 3yrs 6mths was not too good and Nursery. So I took him to the Audiologist at Lucky Plaza and had his hearing tested. Actually prior to that we consulted a very famous ENT doctor at Gleneagles and he said nothing wrong... just wax in his ears.

The hearing test showed something blocked in his eustachian tubes. So I asked the audiologist for a recommendation of an ENT who is v good with young children. This ENT has since migrated. He took out a raisin size "deposit" from each ear. ENT found fluid and confirmed middle ear infection. Apparently my child's eustachian tubes, esp the right size is rather narrow. Treatment is a long process. My son is still under ENT care and the next appointment is this Nov holidays. Sometimes a GP or even an ENT won't be able to see much with the scope. A few months back, I spent nearly $1k just seeing ENT, audiologist and CT-scan. However his hearing was restored and he was able to speak rather well in K2. The low self esteem extended till K1... often sad. I too took my children out of the first kindergarten to another one cos I personally witnessed how my elder child was dragged into the general office in front of a missionary worker. The latter was shocked and subsequently left for other missionary work. Obviously my children were abused both verbally and physically. My younger child was pushed out of the classroom and hit on the head. Mind you, this kindergarten fees are on the high end and in fact the highest amongst all the religious-related kindergarten. Thank goodness my younger child only stayed 6 mths in the first kindergarten. Bottomline - do not assume that a religious and/or reputable preschools would have the right type of teachers. Do not just go for convenience too, eg the one nearest your home. There are some preschools which have much smaller enrolment hence teacher-student ratio smaller if you can't manage having your 2nd child at home. However it would be good for him to go to another preschool so that he can overcome his fears and change his perception what schooling is like, else you might have a bigger problem when it comes to Primary One when the enrolment per class is 30 and would his "fear" be overcome over time.

Neither my elder son was ADHD (as per the 1st kindergarten teachers who insisted we consulted a psychologist... with the report being v v positive for my child, the teachers still abuse him) nor was my 2nd son autistic. In fact my 2nd child speaks very well now and is very articulated. However I met 2 child psychologists in the course of attending some talks, I learnt that my 2nd child's learning was indeed affected during that crucial age when he was hard of hearing (and inability to communicate well) 15mths to 5yrs old. It is harder for them to catch up... and I do see the difference. So spending more time with him would definitely help him catch up. Hope you will find comfort in all our sharing and be encouraged. All the best.

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Postby mumof3kids » Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:54 am

thks for all the kind-hearted parents here, I really get a fresher mind after read all the sharings and suggestion...
But, now, my FIL is really a problem too, when my son is crying or refuse to go to school, he keep on complaining the school, and now, I say I am going to withdraw him from this school, he stop me at angry tune!! He said I am forcing my son, keep on pushing him to new environment and frighten him...OMG, this is my only son, I love him so much, but, no matter what i have done to the family, he will interpeted into bad one...I really cant remember how many time I cried due to their rude behavior upon me...simply because I am M'sia, they always look down on me, whenever S'pore & M'sia hv some problems, they will say:you see, you Mslaysian!!!...I hate it!!! Malaysian also human being, reserve the right to do things esp. playing a role as mother to the son!!! :stupid:

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