Toddler not participating in class

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Toddler not participating in class

Postby kylene » Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:16 am

My 2.5 year old DS has been attending half day cc 3x a week for a year. The feedback has always been that he's shy and needed a lot of encouragement . I though he just needed time. This year the teachers complained that he refuses to participate in class . For eg he would not even want to hold the coloring pencil or paint brush, does not answer when spoken to. He is very active at home. Talks and tells stories. He is an only child but I've been bringing him to play groups regularly . Need some advice. Should I change cc or give him time. Is there anything else I can do?

He does not cry when I drop him at school. He's not exactly enthusiastic either . When I ask him if he likes school, sometimes he would say yes and sometimes no.

kylene
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Postby soursop » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:46 am

Hi kylene,

Don't think there's anything wrong with your son but maybe the cc he's attending. The teacher should not "complain" that your son does not participate instead they should use their skills to find ways and means to help him open up. They should not single him out or "complain" the things that he won't do to you in front of him...hope the teachers didn't do that. CC's are not so critical in whether the child blosssoms or not but more so the teachers. You can go to the best and most expensive CC in S'pore but if teachers are not qualified to handle the kids, you end up getting bad results.

Perhaps you should talk to other mothers in his class and see how the other children are doing. Besides, 2.5 years old is still very young, can't force them much, you need to be patient and let your child tell you when he's ready. Must always remember that not all children are the same, but they sure need your encouragement to be the best that they can be. Just give him some time but nontheless, you could go around looking at other CC and bring your son there to take a look too. Try kindergarten too since he only attends 3/week. Half days are good too. Chances are if he likes the place or there's a teacher that he can bond better with, he'll do pretty well there. Good luck! :D

soursop
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Postby kylene » Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:11 pm

thanks for your reply , Soursop.

I read in another thread how another Mummy pulled her son out of preschool because he wasn't happy there and I'm so tempted to pull my son out of his cc too.

However, the kiasusm in me makes it very hard to do it. I don't know if my son can learn anything at home with me. And he doesn't have any siblings so it's just him and me in the day. That's why I am contemplating changing cc for him.

kylene
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Postby Chenonceau » Sat Feb 05, 2011 7:28 am

Hi Kylene, you have PM.

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Re: Toddler not participating in class

Postby phankao » Sat Feb 05, 2011 11:29 am

kylene wrote:My 2.5 year old DS has been attending half day cc 3x a week for a year. The feedback has always been that he's shy and needed a lot of encouragement . I though he just needed time. This year the teachers complained that he refuses to participate in class . For eg he would not even want to hold the coloring pencil or paint brush, does not answer when spoken to. He is very active at home. Talks and tells stories. He is an only child but I've been bringing him to play groups regularly . Need some advice. Should I change cc or give him time. Is there anything else I can do?

He does not cry when I drop him at school. He's not exactly enthusiastic either . When I ask him if he likes school, sometimes he would say yes and sometimes no.


Maybe 2.5yo is too young. Is he active and happy at home? My eldest son was not happy in class at that age. I only sent him to nursery at 4yo. He took almost a whole year to make friends, but by that age, he did not seem unhappy. Just that he does things on his own. He would play by himself, run around the playground by himself, happily wait for the teacher to help him in his work instead of joining in the others. But by the 4th term, he made a good friend, and started chatting away. And he participated wholeheartedly in the year-end concert. In an earlier Easter concert in April, he just stood at the back and didn't do anything - no crying, no fright, but just doing nothing, just observing - we didn't stop him from going on stage tho', neither did his teachers.

He was rather sociable in k1 & k2, making lots of friends. He's 14yo now and has no problems socialising. He has no problems going into groups with total strangers and just simply making friends.

Hope that helps put you at ease? Some kids just need to grow up. Nothing special needs to be done on your part. Just do not stress them about the situation "hey, you need to make friends, etc". Just let them be themselves. If you think that being in a large school group setting scares them instead, then yes, do take them out as they are likely not matured enough to handle. But if they do not seem afraid, and are just the quiet observing type, then leave them to it. They may be learning more than you know.

For me, I enjoyed having the quiet time for those very few hours without kids, so to each his own, lah.

phankao
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Postby DesertWind » Sat Feb 05, 2011 8:36 pm

Hi kylene,

Just to share my experience. I put my DS at 2 yo into a nearby CCC for about half-a-year. He would run in happily each day and I did not suspect anything not right since at home he was OK. But after 3 months, his teacher feedback that he did not want to sit down and pay attention. I thought he just needed some time to grow up and at that age, I thought "playgroup" means "play" so no big deal mah? Then after another 3 months, I noticed my son was not quite the same already. He has lost his smiley nature even at home and seems less active and "talking" less. At the end of 6 months, his teacher called me in for a talk and I got a shock by what she said. That time my boy was 2.5 yo and she said that my boy does not answer to them when they speak to him, did not look at them when spoken to, was messy with his eating (news to me he was usually very neat at home!), and still did not want to sit still and listen to the teacher during lesson time. She mentioned bringing my son for a developmental checkup and that was when I was so alarmed I pulled him out!

My gut-felt conclusion: my son was still a little too young, he needs time to grow up and the CCC was really not suitable for him because the teachers were not able to engage him for whatever reasons. Also the format of the CCC is such that my boy could not fit in because he is by nature quite active.

So after I pulled him out, I put him into a private early intervention centre with a very small class size. Problem solved, he enjoyed going to school and the teachers and principal were great! He enjoyed himself doing various activities, went for outings to the zoo and indoor playground, children's day party, orff music lesson once a week, learned the alphabets and 123s there etc. So for "the year turning three", he spent about 9 months at the early intervention centre and at the recommendation of his principal, I registered him into a kindergarten with very supportive teachers for "the year turning four".

This year he has started Nursery at a church-based kindergarten and so far has fitted in well, can sit and listen to the teachers already and able to follow the kindergarten time-table and school environment ok. He has speech delay though and while the majority of his classmates can already chat away, he still can't. His teachers asked me about it and I said we have brought him to KKH already and we will continue to monitor him this year on his speech development.

So kylene, for your boy, I just feel that you really need to evaluate whether the CCC is suitable for your child or not at this stage. Because if the teachers are not able to engage him for whatever reasons, you should consider switching. Furthermore, he was already there for a year! If I were in your shoes, yes, I will certainly give him more time since your boy is still so young at 2.5 yo but I will also be urgently looking out for another centre/kindergarten for him already and will not continue to leave him at this CCC. If nothing else, I would want to find out whether is it the child or the centre like seeking a 2nd opinion from another centre/teachers. Look for a centre with smaller class size and patience and nice teachers who can engage your child suitably. Do not go for the "same type" of CCC as this current one, look for one with a different cirriculum/format.

Am no expert but just sharing my experience. All the best!

:celebrate:

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Postby kylene » Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:33 pm

Hi Phankao and Desertwind,
thanks for your replies.

My DS is active and happy at home , very chatty. He did not run around in class, would sit down but always a distance away from the rest of the kids. During outdoor play, he rarely joins in, sometimes he watches the rest, other times he would play by himself.

He does not seem afraid to go to school. I take him to school and he has not resisted at all.

I don't know if he's learning anything in school but it's not really my main concern currently. I'm just worried because he is not participating. like not doing the colouring/not answering questions etc. He does point to pictures/cards when asked thought.

kylene
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Postby gweichan » Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:04 pm

Hi

My girl went to a church kindergarten for 3 hrs a day at slightly less than 2.5 years old last year. She would come home dancing, telling me what happened in school and what she has learnt. I had thought that she enjoyed school as she looked forward to going to school daily.

2-3 months later, I called her school teachers and realised that my girl didn't speak a single word in school and she did not participate in all the class activities. They commented that my gal seemed sleepy in class.

The teachers think my gal is too shy and they would continue to engage her. She is able to follow instructions as well.

This year, things have improved as she starts to talk and participates in class and activities. I think my gal has gained confidence in herself and teachers after spending a good 4 months last year.

Maybe you can work with the teachers in school on how to help your son.

gweichan
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Postby kylene » Mon Feb 07, 2011 12:05 pm

Thanks Chenoncheau for your advice!

Dear Gweichan,
thanks for your reassurance. I was hoping for Mummys like you to give feedback, and that my DS is not "strange".

kylene
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Postby pingsped » Mon Feb 07, 2011 4:02 pm

Hi Kylene

I think at 2.5 yrs, some children are not emotionally ready for school.

It may help if you read books about school and talk about school activities. When he has a mental schema or idea about school, he'll find school less threatening.

Most children (above 3 years old) take about 2-4 weeks to get used to school. Some children will take up to 6 mth. If he doesn't cry, I think that is a good sign. Sometimes teachers' feedback sound like they're complaining (due to weak communication skills). He certainly isn't disruptive. They may be just concerned.

Handling new situations - some kids like to observe from a distance. Some kids just run away or do their own things. Good teachers know when to approach a new child and put him/her at ease. If class is big and noisy, some children find it very stressful. So you may want to look for a childcare with very small class size. The noise and activity generated in a class of 12 kids and two teachers is much more than a small class of 4 kids and one teacher.

Attending parent-accompanied programmes is also a great transition to regular school.

I intend to enrol my girl in Nursery or about 4 years old. I believe that close adult attention and supervision are necessary for optimal cognitive and socio-emotional growth.

For now, I do some "school activities" with my toddler at home as I'm familiar with early childhood development and curriculum. She also attends a weekly playgroup at my centre. So she's very familiar with concept of school and what it entails.

She plays with her cousins regularly. One is in her terrible threes with daily tantrums. My girl imitates her behaviour at times; generally she is able to cope well as my helper supervises them and reports back to me.

I prefer this arrangement as
a) there are lots of active children who have minimal parental supervision these days.
b) I'm able to keep close tabs and take notes on the girls' development. I only intervene if I feel that my girl is unable to solve the "social problem". She has learnt to be giving, patient and cooperative.

I'm introducing character study of her cousin by using real-life scenarios which she can relate to. I would like to teach my niece but my sibling thinks "she is just a child".

My sib and mum enjoy having my girl over as having a 3rd child changes group dynamics. My nieces fight less. The younger niece also learns about ownership and sharing. She didn't even allow my girl to play with her own toys. She doesn't play with toys. My younger niece just hoards toys and prevents the girls from playing. She is getting better slowly. You have to be comfy with some minor fights and yelling. My girl is fairly thick-skinned and quite self-assured/resilient for her age.

You may want to find regular playmates near your place if your boy is not ready for school. Going out regularly to new places and meeting new people is also a great way to get a child to adapt quickly :)

I'm keen on monthly playdates (2-4 year old) in north areas. Pls PM me if u r intertested :)

pingsped
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