KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

Anyone has any remedy for insomia?My friend has been suffering from insomia for a year.It's due to depression as her husband died of cancer one year ago.

Thanks for sharing

My deepest sympahthies to your friend. It is never easy to lose a loved one, not to mention losing your spouse.

Does she have kids?

Grief takes a long time to heal, even when it does, I believe that it never really goes away, just takes on a different form... Others can only offer words of comfort. You, yourself alone, are the only one who can walk out of your grief.

That said, has your friend seen a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist may be able to help her face her grief and get on with life.

Getting help for her insomnia may be just zhi biao bu zhi ben...

Getting into a routine of exercising helps me sleep better and feel better too.

Good to pull your friend out for some form of exercises. If you can, set aside time to do it with her. I'm sure it will help her both physically and emotionally.

kitty2, my condolences to your friend. Can you tell us a bit more about her? No one remedy will work for everyone, so it could help to know what are her personality, likes, dislikes, habits etc.

sashimi wrote:kitty2, my condolences to your friend. Can you tell us a bit more about her? No one remedy will work for everyone, so it could help to know what are her personality, likes, dislikes, habits etc.

She's a quiet person and will withdraw if she finds a person is looking down on a widow.She used to be chatty but after her husband's death,she's quite quiet now.She has only one son and her son also work late daily.Most of the time she's alone at home.They even moved to a new house but just can't get over her grief.Now she falls sick easily too.

Thanks for your help

She needs to get out of the house. I know it's easy to say, but she needs some kind of emotional support or prodding and get out of the house. Friends, hobbies, are good sources of impetus... she definitely can't do this alone, I think. Her son's late hours will not help, but I can't make a judgment on that really.

The more alone she is, the worse it will get - she can snap, and go either way (change, or get worse).

Really sorry to hear about this, though it is not uncommon.

kitty2 wrote:.It's due to depression as her husband died of cancer one year ago.

Dedication - an abstract


To my beloved father Lee Sai Hock @ Lee Chai Hock
(Passed away on 2 October 2008)

Sadly, you were caught off-guard and unprepared to die in the hospital where you were admitted for a mild fever and minor abdominal pain. You put up a good fight and almost made it to being discharged from the hospital. Being a pragmatic person, you would not want me to waste time looking for answers but to face up to the reality and accept your death.

Your untimely death was a painful experience. While I grieve over your death, I realised that everything happens for a reason. You showed me the shortcomings in our public hospital system. While fighting back my tears, I wrote a 14-page letter to the Hospital and Ministry of Health in order to benefit the other patients and also to seek closure for my grief.

to 'cure' your friend's insomnia is to first find ways to seek closure for her grief IF grief is the root of her difficulty in falling asleep.

i am still trying to cope with mine.

my dad was caught off-guard and unprepared to die in the hospital where he was admitted for observation during his routine checkup.

his untimely death was a painful experience. While I grieve over his death, I realised that everything happens for a reason. he showed me the shortcomings in our public hospital system, legislative system and my role as his child.

I am still seeking closure for my grief.


read extensively
- read extensively from the web on what could have happened;
- reading of related books may helped too.

read extensively and network
- read extensively that she is not alone *be wary of scammers too!*
- supporting or helping others can also be part of the grieving process;

dont bottleup
- somepreferred to keep a journal.
- some may want to look for specialist to confide their issues in. to me, while the social workers/specialist can be empathetic, unless they had personally gone through the same as we do, how convinced are we when they asked us to move on ? (think i am still at the 'denial' stage)

grief
sometimes well-meaning relatives may advised family of the deceased to move on. but to me, moving on on 'face-value' without proper grieving and closure is merely shortchanging oneself. can one overcome grief by just sweeping everything under the carpet and try to forget what had happened?

religion
- seek solace in religion

I'm worried. My 11-year old son has difficulty falling asleep every night and it's affecting his school work. He's been having this problem on and off for about 2 years but recently, it seems to happen every night.

He usually goes to bed around 10pm but can't sleep until 11+ pm sometimes midnight. And he wakes up at 6.20am for school. Even in the afternoon and he's very tired, he can't nap either, because he just can't fall asleep!

Any recommendations on what we should do? Thinking of bringing him to see a chinese sinseh but not sure if there is any TCM solution.

Is he stress? I mean more than usual, Is there a pattern like more frequent and worse nearing exam or tests period?
My 10 yr old nephew suffers from tension headaches, which will worsen during SA, CA period. During the recent exam he was also hving sleep problems. Doctors said he has mild anxieties attacks. When it is really bad, he would hv sweaty palms and excessive prespirations, need to go toilet very often and sometimes even diarrhoea.

My suggestion would be to write down all you can remember about his symptoms, frequencies, durations, etc. So that when you consult doctors, whether Western or TCM, it would help in getting a better chance of a proper disgnosis. In my experience, doctors don't know everything, their disgnosis is very much based on what info we can give them and also their abilities to ask the right questions to get the most precise picture of whats happening with the patient.

Another thing is that your son is 11 yr old, so you may want to ask him about seeing a doctor for his conditions. He may hv other problems or things that he is hiding from you and may not want to worry you. In my opinion it is important to get his views about the situation. If he denies any problem, which is a indication of problems (he could also be afraid of his conditions), then you need some finesse in getting him to consult a doctor. When my nephew was hving headaches, initially his parents thought he was just finding excuses to escape homework/housework, etc. When the anxieties symtoms start showing, he tried to hide them. When his dad finally get him to open up and talk, he said that he is scared that he could be very ill with cancer or brain tumor and such. His revelation of his fears was the turning point of my sis and brother-in-law relationship with their son. They no longer doubt his actions and start to hv a better level of understanding and communication with their 10 yo.

Sorry for being so long winded, hope this can be of some help....

Hi MLR,

Thanks for your explanation. It could be partly due to stress, but I think most of the time, it's because he can't stop thinking of the things that he is preoccupied with. When he is interested in a particular subject, he will really be obsessed with it eg. at one time it was the Condor heroes, then Harry Potter etc.

I've told him to control himself (if that's possible) and try to think of boring things when he's trying to fall asleep. Guess I'll get him to develop good sleep habits before bringing him to see a doctor.