ME TIME!

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.
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janet88
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by janet88 » Mon Dec 02, 2019 9:57 pm

hi yl,
son said he would like to stay with me when he gets married. I told him his wife may not be comfortable with the idea...frankly I would prefer they get their own place. 相见容易,同住难. even if they are staying next door, it's still better that way.

I don't know if it is possible for women to be a SAHM in the future when costs of living is high. nothing beats looking after own child. many babies are sent to infant care once mothers finish their 4 months maternity leave. I find this so sad.

Estéema
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by Estéema » Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:18 am

When we’re young, we do not know enuf of life & plung into marriage. Hope our young ones wiser than our time. But there are things happening that are realities we cannot change.

Sharing this & wish all a great light day!

追求时 - 千言万语
恋爱时 - 甜言蜜语
求婚时 - 花言巧语
结婚后 - 三言两语
有儿后 - 不言不语
老年后 - 自言自语
临终时 - 胡言乱语

starlight1968sg
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by starlight1968sg » Tue Dec 03, 2019 8:10 am

Estéema wrote:
Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:18 am
追求时 - 千言万语
恋爱时 - 甜言蜜语
求婚时 - 花言巧语
结婚后 - 三言两语
有儿后 - 不言不语
老年后 - 自言自语
临终时 - 胡言乱语
"like"

janet88
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by janet88 » Tue Dec 03, 2019 12:16 pm

Estéema wrote:
Tue Dec 03, 2019 7:18 am
When we’re young, we do not know enuf of life & plung into marriage. Hope our young ones wiser than our time. But there are things happening that are realities we cannot change.
I advise my son to know more about the opposite sex and TRY not to commit himself to one person.
he is only 19...enlist NS next year and followed by 3-4 years of further studies. study hard and enjoy himself...once he gets married, it's a lifetime of responsibility looking after the family.

as for my daughter, I advise her to study hard and try to have own career.

I agree with you esteema. we can advise our kids and not plunge into marriage since they have a happy home.
but when love comes their way, what we have advised will fall onto deaf ears. what they will enjoy is 甜言蜜语.

Estéema
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by Estéema » Tue Dec 03, 2019 12:46 pm

Janet,
Hope our kids let their sensibilities rule their hearts. Yr girl doing well alr. Let her start follow her passion & exercise her decision-making. I’m sure u’ll be proud when u see her making progress in life. Yr son more mature. Pray for a smooth progress in his NS & Studies. You must take care also yah?


lee_yl
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by lee_yl » Tue Dec 03, 2019 11:40 pm

janet88 wrote:
Mon Dec 02, 2019 9:57 pm
hi yl,
son said he would like to stay with me when he gets married. I told him his wife may not be comfortable with the idea...frankly I would prefer they get their own place. 相见容易,同住难. even if they are staying next door, it's still better that way.

I don't know if it is possible for women to be a SAHM in the future when costs of living is high. nothing beats looking after own child. many babies are sent to infant care once mothers finish their 4 months maternity leave. I find this so sad.
Best is of cos don’t stay together lah!

I am staying with my MIL, think not just me feeling suffocating at times, I guess my MIL too! :lol: If your future DIL suddenly chooses to be a SAHM and you are at home most days, then it becomes 你看我、我看你.

Staying in the same block is not a bad idea. Your son can drop his kids at your place before going off to work.

Sending babies to infant care is usually the last resort, I guess. If coincidentally, your DS and DD become parents around the same time and need your help to take care of their newborns but you can at most take care of 1, whose baby would you choose?

MrsKiasu
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by MrsKiasu » Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:48 am

lee_yl wrote:
Tue Dec 03, 2019 11:40 pm
janet88 wrote:
Mon Dec 02, 2019 9:57 pm
hi yl,
son said he would like to stay with me when he gets married. I told him his wife may not be comfortable with the idea...frankly I would prefer they get their own place. 相见容易,同住难. even if they are staying next door, it's still better that way.

I don't know if it is possible for women to be a SAHM in the future when costs of living is high. nothing beats looking after own child. many babies are sent to infant care once mothers finish their 4 months maternity leave. I find this so sad.
Best is of cos don’t stay together lah!

I am staying with my MIL, think not just me feeling suffocating at times, I guess my MIL too! :lol: If your future DIL suddenly chooses to be a SAHM and you are at home most days, then it becomes 你看我、我看你.

Staying in the same block is not a bad idea. Your son can drop his kids at your place before going off to work.

Sending babies to infant care is usually the last resort, I guess. If coincidentally, your DS and DD become parents around the same time and need your help to take care of their newborns but you can at most take care of 1, whose baby would you choose?
why am I kept pressing for like arh :sweat:

woah, now that you talk about it. Something came back to my mind, heard before that elderly help take care children so as to avoid the new mom becoming sahm..got logic yeah. If you are always worry type, difficult to continue work.

2 grandkids at same time good too..can justify maid(s) to help out with the elder's role is as supervisor?

Nebbermind
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by Nebbermind » Wed Dec 04, 2019 8:37 am

lee_yl wrote:
Tue Dec 03, 2019 11:40 pm
janet88 wrote:
Mon Dec 02, 2019 9:57 pm
hi yl,
son said he would like to stay with me when he gets married. I told him his wife may not be comfortable with the idea...frankly I would prefer they get their own place. 相见容易,同住难. even if they are staying next door, it's still better that way.

I don't know if it is possible for women to be a SAHM in the future when costs of living is high. nothing beats looking after own child. many babies are sent to infant care once mothers finish their 4 months maternity leave. I find this so sad.
Best is of cos don’t stay together lah!

I am staying with my MIL, think not just me feeling suffocating at times, I guess my MIL too! :lol: If your future DIL suddenly chooses to be a SAHM and you are at home most days, then it becomes 你看我、我看你.

Staying in the same block is not a bad idea. Your son can drop his kids at your place before going off to work.

Sending babies to infant care is usually the last resort, I guess. If coincidentally, your DS and DD become parents around the same time and need your help to take care of their newborns but you can at most take care of 1, whose baby would you choose?
I believe both parents and children need their personal space, especially if all are still working.

I'll tell my kids to plan their lives without us or parents-in-law, especially when it comes to having their own children. Whether we can come in and help is just a bonus to them. Donch forget, we have to work till mid 60 minimumly.
Taking care of kids when we were 30s/40s already not easy...cannot expect us to be doing it at 50s/60s/70s when many health issues start creeping in...if we are still alive.

Cloud Cloud
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by Cloud Cloud » Wed Dec 04, 2019 8:58 am

My sis has a number of issues staying with her mil. I think if can turn back the clock, she would not have gone ahead with this arrangement.

I stay within walking distance to my in-laws. Convenient to help take care of them as my fil has a number of health issues.

So my conclusion : staying together is a No No!

lee_yl
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Re: ME TIME!

Post by lee_yl » Wed Dec 04, 2019 9:15 am

MrsKiasu wrote:
Wed Dec 04, 2019 7:48 am
lee_yl wrote:
Tue Dec 03, 2019 11:40 pm
I am staying with my MIL, think not just me feeling suffocating at times, I guess my MIL too! :lol: If your future DIL suddenly chooses to be a SAHM and you are at home most days, then it becomes 你看我、我看你.

Staying in the same block is not a bad idea. Your son can drop his kids at your place before going off to work.

Sending babies to infant care is usually the last resort, I guess. If coincidentally, your DS and DD become parents around the same time and need your help to take care of their newborns but you can at most take care of 1, whose baby would you choose?
why am I kept pressing for like arh :sweat:

woah, now that you talk about it. Something came back to my mind, heard before that elderly help take care children so as to avoid the new mom becoming sahm..got logic yeah. If you are always worry type, difficult to continue work.

2 grandkids at same time good too..can justify maid(s) to help out with the elder's role is as supervisor?
If need me to help look after grandkids must get me a helper. I shall only be the supervisor. Maid’s salary was $200+ when DD1 was born. Today, I am paying $600+, up by 300%. So if your kid pays you an allowance of $500-$800 for taking care of their kids, I am not sure if they will want to employ a maid for you.

I think I mentioned before, nephew once fell and broke his arm under MIL’s care years back. MIL :mad: and SIL :mad: did not speak to each other for a long long time after the incident.

I am very scared one day, my daughter will scream at me cos she thinks I didn’t do a good job looking after her kids. :stupid: That’s because I once did that to my mum. :laugh: My mum once stuffed chocolates and gummies until my DD2 puked onto her clothes

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