No Problem is problem

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

No Problem is problem

Postby Donkey Kong » Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:49 am

I have been married for 13 yrs. Time is not on our side.

Wife is always rushing here and there for kids. She is very busy with kids and always scold scold scold husband.

I help out in housework, kids'homework, etc. But, not appreciated. Always kenna scold scold scold. Do women like to scold their husbands?

Now I know why most older men work late in the office.... :cry:
They don't want to get scoldings.

Now I understand why old cows like to eat young grass. :love:

:celebrate: Thank you Govt for providing us so many young grass. At least we have somewhere to go.
:?:
Last edited by Donkey Kong on Wed May 05, 2010 2:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Donkey Kong
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Postby tankee » Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:36 am

Probably your DW is feeling stressed out.

Why not take some time off have some quality time with your DW to rekindle the romance and relief her stress?

just remember how it was during the courtship days when both of you could talk heart-to-heart non-stop.

:D

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Postby MMM » Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:55 am

Donkey Kong wrote:I have been married for 13 yrs. Time is not on our side.

Wife is always rushing here and there for kids. She is very busy with kids and always scold scold scold husband.

I help out in housework, kids'homework, etc. But, not appreciated. Always kenna scold scold scold. Do women like to scold their husbands?

Now I know why most older men work late in the office.... :cry:
They don't want to get scoldings.

Now I understand why old cows like to eat young grass. :love:

:celebrate: Thank you Govt for providing us so many young grass. At least we have somewhere to go.
:?:



Yes.... I agreed with tankee. Your wife is probably stressed out with the things around her. Kid's results, homework, future, homework,etc.... all these just bothers the mum all the time. It's the things that keep them awake. I am not saying it doesn't bother the father but mum just tend to worry more in normal circumstances.

It's a good idea to probably take a break together. I feel that due to daily pressures, it's quite difficult to "rekindle" in the daily environment. Many a times, the last thing I want to do in the evening is to have time for myself.

She might not be aware that she is scolding you. Probably she got no where else to vent or she is just generally frustrated.... Maybe have a good talk with her. I am sure if she loves you, she will tone down when she realise that.

Also, there is probably a difference in expectation between the man and woman? You may think you've done enough. But this is maybe different from her benchmark of what is sufficient.

I coach the kids in their studies and I've 3 kids in the room. I do need help especially when all 3 need attention. I would enlist hubby's help. But sometimes it pisses me too to see him surfing the net rather than helping. He thinks just by physically there it's good enough. I need more hands on help. So I will also get fedup with this at times.

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Postby adhdadhd » Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:43 am

Donkey Kong wrote:I have been married for 13 yrs. Time is not on our side.

Wife is always rushing here and there for kids. She is very busy with kids and always scold scold scold husband.

I help out in housework, kids'homework, etc. But, not appreciated. Always kenna scold scold scold. Do women like to scold their husbands?

Now I know why most older men work late in the office.... :cry:
They don't want to get scoldings.

Now I understand why old cows like to eat young grass. :love:

:celebrate: Thank you Govt for providing us so many young grass. At least we have somewhere to go.
:?:


Today is my 12th anniversary. As per the last 11 years, we will celebrate this special night, in restaurants with romantic settings, also to appreciate each other, my DW called it accepting all the "酸甜苦辣" together. :celebrate:

These 12 years, despite all the 2 ways "nagging" & "scolding", we make it known that hangovers after those weak or strong "sessions", were distatseful, more so for our DS. Through these we learn to tolerate, and understand each other's DNA better, thus learning to accept these DNA, which perhaps would never reveal during courtship...

If your DW has been rushing here and there for kids, as a DH, we should appreciate her efforts, un-conditional care and love for the kids and family. I understand the frustrations of being un-appreciated "driver", who need to cope with the rush admidst expensive jam packed traffics systems and negotiating the poorly designed HDB carparks that still require manual tearing of coupons.

For living 13 years together, you should have a way to let her know your feelings, right? Talk it over, in a romatic restaurant la..

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Postby Donkey Kong » Wed Apr 28, 2010 2:58 pm

Thanks for your advice.

But things are not as simple. After so many years of shouting and yelling with kids, wife has become another "person". She thinks all men are beasts and doesn't like to be touched. She just wants talking.... and most topics about kids, kids, kids..... Where got romantic?

I am a homely husband.... Sometimes I go out and see old men with China ladies..... wow.... they are so fortunate. Don't have to put up with fierce women at home. Any plain China ladies, even their plain Jane, also look better than the "mad woman"at home.. :lol: My colleagues also called their wivies "mad women" :stupid: Of course, behind them la.

If I meet the right China lady, may be we will just click.... and have romance elsewhere..... :celebrate:

What do you think?

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Postby tankee » Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:14 pm

adhdadhd wrote:Today is my 12th anniversary. .....



:congrats: :celebrate:

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Postby tankee » Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:17 pm

our DWs probably say the same about us, as all we talked about is soccer and complaint about work.

but do remember that somehow during courtship days, we do not really care what the topics were or what complaints they were, we were happy and alway there to listern.

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Postby buds » Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:22 pm

".......may be we will just click.... and have romance elsewhere.....

What do you think?"



I dun hafta think for this one.

I will feel extremely sad.

13yrs is not just nothing.

I will be very very sad... :(

Another lady of any nationality
will not help solve your marital
concerns. It will only distract u
from reality and bring u further
apart from whatever love you
have left for your family.

Distraction is a temporary recluse
for someone who will not face up
to the issue at hand. Don't hide
anymore.. be a man and let your
feelings be known.

Tell you the truth, women also do
have those occassional un-appreciated
feelings inside us.. instead of waiting for
her to teh you, you can tell her first how
much you appreciate her and the things
that she has done for the family.. after
which you tell her you really really need
to share with her very important details
to what you've been feeling of late.. a real
heart to heart talk so that she will know
how you truly feel inside... Tell her how
it is important for you that she must noe
cos you value what you have..

She MUST know. Even if she doesn't want
to. You see... the truth always hurts but it
is definitely the first step to try and move
forward to a more positive relationship.

Please sir... i hope you will find a way to
communicate with your wife soonest
possible. The fact that you still care abt
the children and bother to help her out
shows your husbandly & fatherly nature
and a man of good stead who knows his
responsibilities.

As humans, WE ALL need a reminder or
two every once in a while... so as not to
get too complacent and too routined with
going about our lives as day goes by..

I am crying inside reading your postings.. :(
My prayers are with you and your family.
I only want to wish you my best and i
truly truly hope you find it in you to
make things work.

I can understand what you meant when you
said "things aren't that simple"... cos to hear
someone say men are beasts, that sure says
a lot...

No one is saying things will be easy but the
fact that you didn't give up without trying &
putting up a fight... a fight to save your
marriage and your family's happiness..
will mean a lot to everyone around u..
more than you know it.

Take care.

buds
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Postby Donkey Kong » Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:39 pm

Courtship days no kids, no homework, thus no frustration.
Courtship days, wife said she would wash and iron my clothes, cook my favourite dishes, massage, etc.
After marriage, I cook, I wash, I iron, I massage. She just takes care of the kids. Where is the romance?


My technician keeps talking the whole day, whole week, whole month, about his son getting in the GEP programme. My kid doesn't like studying, reading, etc. Kick him also don't move. Wife keeps scolding him.

All the kids stuff are affecting the adults. My colleague also quarrels a lot about kids. Why? :x

The whole society, work, kids, money is making us so stressful. Come home is another war zone. :x

Only the cute China ladies can bring us fresh hope. We will be liberated? :? Imaging partor with the cute lady under the stars...... wow. this is refreshing.... :celebrate:

Too bad, no chance yet. :pray: I want to feel like sweet 16s again. Can't have this with the old woman lah.... I guess. Otherwise, why Jack Neo, all the old men all rebel? :?

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Postby sakura_2009 » Wed Apr 28, 2010 3:42 pm

adhdadhd wrote:
Today is my 12th anniversary. As per the last 11 years, we will celebrate this special night, in restaurants with romantic settings, also to appreciate each other, my DW called it accepting all the "酸甜苦辣" together. :celebrate:

These 12 years, despite all the 2 ways "nagging" & "scolding", we make it known that hangovers after those weak or strong "sessions", were distatseful, more so for our DS.

I understand the frustrations of being un-appreciated "driver", who need to cope with the rush admidst expensive jam packed traffics systems and negotiating the poorly designed HDB carparks that still require manual tearing of coupons.



:congrats: It will be my 11th anniversary with DH this year :love: . You are right, despite all the arguments we have, we always make it up at the end of the day. Like you said, those ugly exchanges can be 'distasteful' to our DS, and we surely do not want him to 'witness' all these...And yar, DH always complained about being the 'chauffer', driving us around (to work, to school, to enrichment ctrs etc), and the never ending traffic jams and some car parks that need F1 drivers to 'manouvere' etc...As his DW, i just listen lar...let him release some of his 'steam' :wink: At the end of the day, he knows his efforts are being appreciated. Think that's the most important... :celebrate:

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