KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

How do you get your husband to buy you something? (Excluding food)

I know I sound so materialistic - like, well you know he loves you is all that matters, so why bother about if he buys you anything?

If you have ever completed one of those surveys on what is your love language, well, receiving gift is one of mine. Unfortunately, it isn't my husband's. He's the type would would tell everyone, "I don't believe in giving gifts on Valentine's day, everyday is valentine's day to me", but you know you'd feel so flattered if he comes home with something - anything, even a card, or draws you a card himself, since he's so good at drawing.

Don't get me wrong that he's never bought me anything, he does. But it is just different if he surprises you with his own decision of what to buy rather than to bring you to the shop and buys it for you on the spot. You know you would love ANYTHING that he buys you, but it just feels different if he is the one who walks into a shop or departmental store, or stop by a cart, and picks up something because he thinks you would like it.

Hinting doesn't work, telling him outright didn't work, and giving him an "assignment" like,"can you get me a purse for my coins, doesn't matter about the cost, anything from you is fine with me." didn't work either.

Does any females here find yourself in a similar position? Or can men share some light into this kind of mentality? If you need to know, well, I don't 'pressurize' my DH, it only hit me a couple of months back how he's NEVER bought me anything (on his own accord, that is). We've known each others for 10 years now.

concern2 wrote:Does any females here find yourself in a similar position?

My dh too. Whenever I complained, he said he has given me supplementary cards, I can buy anything I fancy. But that's not the point. There's no surprise element. To that, his reason was he is worried he would buy something I don't like My proposal: I told him to keep his gift under $200 (less heartpained if he bought the wrong colour or obiang looking gifts )

actually i m opposite of u ladies, although i m very lucky to have a DH who wil give me surprises and is not stingy to buy me things, i dun like him to give me a surprise i've never seen b4 (cos i'm afraid wil waste money). so wat he did one time was, he noted down the "bag" that i was checking out at the store and then he bought it for me for our anniversary.


concern2, u may need to get someone whom he values advice from to tell him that once in a while, he needs to shower some "love" on u by dropping a nice surprise once in a while. the occasional gift between husband and wife goes a long way in maintaining the marriage what abt starting the process yourself so that he wil take the hint and "return the favour"?

every time i buy something my better half says why waste money.... so I stopped buying anything except big ticket items

Sleepy - and did it work?

Foreverj, over the years, I have 'showered' him with little gifts here and there, non-expensive ones since we are both budget conscious. He values them, and I know he feels deeply when I do when he hugs me

but he never returns that gesture...

He's ever mentioned to me that he was afraid I wouldn't like what he buys, but I told him it doesn't matter, but he would still end up bringing me to a shop or departmental store, which really, to me, defeats the purpose. I'd usually turn and go without anything. Really such a low-risk taker, is he, huh? :x

sounds alittle scheming..... to even think of it.

I was eyeing to get a expensive watch. Was thinking of buying it for myself but not to get one for hubby seems bad.... But I can't possibly pay for 2 right as that's a bomb. In addition, a girlfriend shared that her hubby just bought her a expensive bag. Though she refused, the hubby insisted. My hubby has never really done that. Yes he's gotten me yearly gifts from time to time but he is not those into surprises type. He is the type that will buy me 1 gift that covers all the events in during the year. So to begin with, I told hubby about the bag that my girlfriend's hubby bought for her... it created an awareness.

Hubby's bd was round the corner. So I proposed to him. Why don't I buy you this watch? Let's just go and have a look. It took a couple of weeks to get the message to him. Subsequently we went, saw and as promised I bought him a watch and he ended up getting one for me too. Though he added that I will not get a present for the next 10 years

Then after the watch purchase, I wanted to buy a bag when we were overseas. I've done some homework on the website. I went, saw and think the price is fairly reasonable so I decided on the spot that I will buy it which surprises him. I was about to take my card to pay for it and he added.... he will pay for for it Of course I was more than happy to let him do it. But I suggested to him to use whatever USD that we've leftover so that the nett amount he eventually has to pay is lower.

Having been together for 15 years, I observed that my hubby is the type that I have to gradually expose him to what I like and probably over time he accepts the idea and if there is a good buy, he would probably buy it for me. But I am also of the mindset that I can afford to buy whatever I like so I don't need to wait for him to buy it for me. It's a bonus if I get it as a gift from him, otherwise it doesn't really matter.

concern2 wrote:Sleepy - and did it work?

Yes, at least he bought me gifts for my birthday.

verykiasu2010 wrote:every time i buy something my better half says why waste money.... so I stopped buying anything except big ticket items

MMM wrote:I observed that my hubby is the type that I have to gradually expose him to what I like and probably over time he accepts the idea and if there is a good buy, he would probably buy it for me. But I am also of the mindset that I can afford to buy whatever I like so I don't need to wait for him to buy it for me. It's a bonus if I get it as a gift from him, otherwise it doesn't really matter.

I'm SAHM so hubby paid for all my expenses. Perhaps that's why he doesn't feel there's a need to buy extra gifts since I'm holding supplementary cards to all his credit cards & can buy anything I fancy.

But the point is we ladies like surprises. Gifts need not be expensive

I am sorry but my problem is HOW to stop my hubby from buying me things!!! He loves to buy me stuffs that I dont need:frustrated:
Bags, shoes, watches, handphones - I prefer to choose myself :x

sleepy wrote: I'm SAHM so hubby paid for all my expenses. Perhaps that's why he doesn't feel there's a need to buy extra gifts since I'm holding supplementary cards to all his credit cards & can buy anything I fancy.

But the point is we ladies like surprises

To a certain extent, it's true. But in recent years, I also feel that we would ask each other what we want and we would feel that we already have everything we need. So we only ended up going for nicer dinner without presents. Probably our relationship has reach that level of complacency/ comfort or I've reach that stage in life where I am longer into romance