how to improve wife and my parents relationship

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

how to improve wife and my parents relationship

Postby w_y_chung » Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:20 pm

It goes like this.

When we were dating, she always find an excuse to not meet with my parents. Excuses was either she is not ready, not dressed appropriately etc. Not good reasons really. She would ask me to go to her parent's house for dinner to meet them and all her siblings.

Once she agreed to visit my parents during the break on the day of her brother's wedding. She joined her sisters for hairdo instead and claim she forgot about it. Maybe true, since she can get carried away easily.

My parents live overseas. I have regular Skype sessions to let them see the my daughter. For the past 2 years, my wife only said hello once to them. Always claim she dress casually and does not want to be seen.

At CNY, my parents was here to visit us. My wife refused to say happy new year to them.

Recently, during Skype on my father's birthday, I asked her to wish happy birthday to my dad. She refused. I repeated my request., She walked out on me saying stop forcing her.

We had a quarrel the day before already and certainly I was very upset and scolded her that night. . ON the following morning, she brought up should we reconsider this marriage. She would say this without fail after every of our argument.

FYI I have been joining her 'village' dinner (her parents, all her siblings) every friday. Even when I don't want to go, my wife would force me to go, if needed scold me up side down. I have been joining mother's day dinner for her mom, dinner for her mom and dad's bday, pay ang pao etc.

It hurts me a lot to see my wife rejects my parents, whom are the people I love and they looked after me all these years. Now they live overseas (after I was married) - I can read between the lines when I talk to them they felt lonely, left out. I stress, it really hurts me to see this continue to happen.

I've 'escalated' it to my sister in law (the eldest). But I doubt she can do much since relationship is a personal topic.

She is not the type that talks openly and stubborn. Even her sisters and parents agree she is stubborn.

How do I find out what she has against my parents?

Anything can be done?

Should I re-consider this marriage?

w_y_chung
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Re: how to improve wife and my parents relationship

Postby jedamum » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:34 pm

i would like to say...leave your parents out of your decision on whether to stay married with your other half. what's life like without the 'parents-rejection-issues' that is as highlighted in your posts? if your grouse is for your other half's unwillingness to compromise on important issues without understandable reasons, you both's constant bickering over petty stuff, breakdown in communications etc, etc, try to examine what went wrong and work it through. And think about all the good times you both had had before pulling the plug.
good luck.

jedamum
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Re: how to improve wife and my parents relationship

Postby dolphinsiah » Mon Sep 13, 2010 8:55 am

Good moring Chung,

After reading what you have written....I can imagine what you are going through.... :stupid:
especially now you have a child...
But it seems that your story is not complete...leh...
why does your spouse behave like that towards your parents...
Was there any misunderstanding between them... :?
Or you did something very wrong...like have an affair.... :|
and now she is holding everything against you....

So what is the other side of the story....just KPO a bit :roll:

dolphinsiah
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Postby carebear » Mon Sep 13, 2010 9:34 am

Parents should not be the reason why one should part in a marriage. I grew up in an environment where there was hostility between my mother and her in-laws and it was one of the major reasons for arguments between my parents. So when i got married, i made sure that this would not be a cause of argument between me and my spouse.
Yes, you should discuss with your wife regarding her unhappiness and cold shoulder to your parents. My husband does not have the habit to greet my parents when they come to my place. I was unhappy initailly and mentioned to him before. I have also discussed it with my parents, and we concluded that my hubby is a man of few words, as he is also the same towards his parents. So now no one is offended.

carebear
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Postby qms » Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:17 am

Actually, seems to me that thread starter's wife wasn't that polite to his parents before they married.

Could thread starter have married the wife, thinking that she would change? :scratchhead:

As the saying goes, you don't marry a woman hoping that the woman will change.....

qms
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Postby duriz » Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:18 am

qms wrote:Actually, seems to me that thread starter's wife wasn't that polite to his parents before they married.

Could thread starter have married the wife, thinking that she would change? :scratchhead:

As the saying goes, you don't marry a woman hoping that the woman will change.....


There must be an underlying reason why her behavior is so.
You need to sound your wife out, w_y_chung.
And IMHO, this is no grounds to consider divorce.

duriz
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Some unhappiness

Postby janet88 » Mon Sep 13, 2010 10:51 am

I feel that there could be a reason behind this hostility. Could there be some argument or unhappiness between your wife and parents that you don't know of ?

My hubby doesn't and will never see the true colours of his mother. Because she is an angel in front of him. When I am in the kitchen with his mother, her horns appear when he is not around but the moment he walks into the kitchen, she is very demure. :x

I'm sure there were good times after marriage that both of you share. Honestly, my hubby and I enjoy each other's company and we communicate (anything OTHER than his parents)...his mother caused us unhappiness when we were newly married and even now.
Find out why your wife is unhappy.

janet88
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Postby auntieM » Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:35 pm

Really should sit down with your wife and talk things over.. ...
Don't mean to be rude but I think your 'story' is rather incomplete..

auntieM
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Postby 3Boys » Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:52 pm

Sheesh ladies,
aren't you all being a little one-sided here? It doesn't much for all of you to pile in with sympathy when one of your ilk cries 'in-laws!' in the other thread, but when you have a bloke here who cites a misbehaving wife, suddenly its all back on the bloke's parents! :p

w y chung,
yep you got to understand what's eating your wife. But if it hurts you and your parents, at the very least she as your spouse needs to recognise that. Unless there had been a major falling out, your parents are deserving of respectful behaviour from your wife. Ask her, how would she feel if her future children-in-law basically cold-shouldered her?

Don't reconsider this marriage on account of this, but nonetheless, don't allow her to use that posture to bully and intimidate you, and stop you from confronting the issue.

3Boys
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Postby duriz » Mon Sep 13, 2010 5:06 pm

3Boys wrote:Sheesh ladies,
aren't you all being a little one-sided here? It doesn't much for all of you to pile in with sympathy when one of your ilk cries 'in-laws!' in the other thread, but when you have a bloke here who cites a misbehaving wife, suddenly its all back on the bloke's parents! :p


I don't think anyone of us maligned his parents, him nor his wife :?

duriz
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