Your relationships with siblings

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Your relationships with siblings

Postby loner » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:29 pm

My parents passed away many yrs back and me being the youngest ,I hv always yearn for a close knit relationship with my siblings. But at times, I felt they have "exploited" my good intention and expect me to host gathering and functions with no intention of going on dutch or pot luck. (They even expect me to "ferry" them around to run errands...) And when I needed little favours from them like "babysitting" my kids for a while they will :siam: and give all kind of lame excuse for not helping :stupid:
Sometimes I felt so "taken advantage" of but I always remind myself not to b too "petty" since they are afterall my only bros and sis by blood :(

loner
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Postby DesertWind » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:44 pm

Hi loner,
Sounds like among the siblings, you are the one that is most "zhong gan ching" and hence you organized all the gatherings and by & by, they just enjoy and let you do all the work lor!

As with family members, it is easy to take each other for granted. Also with siblings, they always presume certain things without knowing the full facts. For eg., I have 2 brothers, 1 elder & 1 younger. No doubt financially I am more stable then them but does not mean I do not have my difficult moments. Yet the presumption is "oh sis got a lot of money there is no problem for her" !:

Therefore, I pay for 1 new maid for my parents (& I already have one maid myself), pay for their monthly allowance etc. without much help from them.

Sometimes when you expect help from siblings it is even worst than getting some help from friends/neighbours. Dunno, perhaps when we all grow up, all became selfish in one way or the other.

I will be glad to hear some sharings of how siblings are very close and how they manage to help one another out!
:celebrate:

DesertWind
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Postby cherrygal » Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:28 pm

Hey loner,
You are not alone. My mom was also in your shoes in the past, not for her own siblings but for my dad's side. We would always be the ones to host CNY gatherings etc and my mom would be slaving away in the kitchen preparing kueh pie tee, curry etc. The other siblings never once offered to host or bring presents. After my granny passed away, my mom stopped such gatherings and we haven't seen those relatives for a long time.

As for myself and my bro, I think it would also be difficult to gather if our parents are no longer around. My bro's family is not exactly the sociable type and I am too lazy to host gatherings.

Well, but I think the blood relations will still stand in times of adversity. I am sure my bro will lend a helping hand should I ever need it.

cherrygal
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Postby orchids » Sun Oct 17, 2010 5:09 pm

Distancing is usually inevitable when siblings got married and have their own families. Of course, there are some special cases. But for most, it's unlikely for us to share the same kind of bond like when we were young. We cared and shared then but now can't say the same.

I have observed for most cases that I know, it's usually the spouse of the siblings that caused the 'drift'. Kinship sometimes is so fragile.

orchids
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Postby loner » Sun Oct 17, 2010 8:36 pm

DesertWind wrote: No doubt financially I am more stable then them but does not mean I do not have my difficult moments. Yet the presumption is "oh sis got a lot of money there is no problem for her" !: .... perhaps when we all grow up, all became selfish in one way or the other.


DesertWind: U really speak up how I feel for all these yrs :(

Cherrygal: Yes u r right, I'm not alone cos' I hv found a soulmate-DH. He is not the romantic type but a man u can count on in times of trouble and sadness :love:

loner
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Postby DesertWind » Sun Oct 17, 2010 8:59 pm

loner wrote: DesertWind: U really speak up how I feel for all these yrs :(


Hi loner,
Can only encourage you to think positively with the following sayings:
"It is more blessed to give then to receive".
"You shall be the head and not the tail".
"You shall lend and not borrow".


If you are what is being described, then consider yourself very blessed (or fortunate if you prefer this word) that you are able to give much more than your siblings!

I feel that for siblings, once we each get married and have spouse and children, somehow the "face" becomes very important. Like must show each family is well-to-do or at least able to catch up. If not, somehow or other jealousy will exist in the heart, usually the women lah, be it SIL or sisters!

Don't let such things hurt you too much loner!
:celebrate:

DesertWind
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Postby carebear » Sun Oct 17, 2010 9:24 pm

Hi loner, from your previous post (on which luxury car to buy), I gather you are from a well to do/ wealthy family.
Are your siblings of the same socio- economic class as you?
If not, then as you say, they may exploit you.
I understand that not all wealthy people are extravagant.
The wealthier one is, the more commitment one has.
You can choose not to hold parties at your place.
If they insist, and you like to, then you give the instructions of who will bring what to the party. If they are not compliant, then don't bother!
Or if you really want their company, go to a fast food restaurant where all can go Dutch.
For me, I am glad that I do not have this problem with my sibling nor siblings in law.

carebear
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Postby loner » Sun Oct 17, 2010 9:38 pm

DesertWind wrote:Don't let such things hurt you too much loner!
:celebrate:


aww....Thanks DesertWind! :hugs:

loner
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Postby loner » Sun Oct 17, 2010 10:01 pm

Hi "carebear",
I ain't no socialite or a rich Tai tai. My lifestyle is not as extravagant as u thought.
Holding a gathering at my place is just a mean to bring the siblings together..Tried suggesting Pot Luck but there is always excuses like "no time to cook", "I only know how to cook curry chicken leh" or worst "So troublesome ah then don't come lo!"
Is not possible to gather everybody in a fast food restaurant cos' I have 5 siblings exclude nieces+nephews..... :wink:

loner
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Postby kiasume » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:17 am

DesertWind wrote:Hi loner,
Sometimes when you expect help from siblings it is even worst than getting some help from friends/neighbours. Dunno, perhaps when we all grow up, all became selfish in one way or the other.


I have a good relationship with my brother. Because he is more rational, I always listen to his advise. Although there are times I will disagree but I always listen and will not be rude to brush off him or to his advise.

As for my sis, relationship with her is tiring. Not only is she the jealous type, she also constantly thinking that people or worse myself are competing with her on her child. Especially our first child is of the same age. Dunno why she behaves like that, when I do not even have such slightest intention? :faint:

So I just distant away from her. That is the best solution. Better also dun stress my children, should she starts asking them about their examination result. :roll:

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