Parents out there, please give me some advise, I'm blank

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Parents out there, please give me some advise, I'm blank

Postby sotongmom76 » Wed Feb 09, 2011 3:59 pm

As from my last tropic, I'm a single mom with four malaysian children. We've resettled back to singapore since dec 2009.

I've not been working for the last 13yrs. So now I've started working and my children are schooling.

In the 1st place, I tot that everything will goes right and smoothly but think I was wrong now when I received a call yesterday and just saw a post "You don't know what you have until it’s gone".

Last year I'm working as a clerk with salary of S$1,300 without CPF. So it's not enough to cover the expenses espically the children are foregin. I've taken up another job as a part time cashier at nite. As to make the timing properly, I've talk to my boss, that I'll be working 8am to 4pm so I would be able to start work at 5pm till 10pm there.

She had agreed but of course, with my salary down to S$1,000 with CPF.

I really tot everything will be fine as I had a good talk with my children tat they'll take care of themselves.

BUT I had received a call from the science teacher that my P6 son is getting lazy and didn't pass up homework and even telling lies.

I was really stunned....my mind was blank striaght.

I don't know what to do....cause, if I don't work the part time cashier, then we'll have not enough money to surive.

If I continue working, then I'll lost connection with my children.

I know that my children are quite indepentant but I felt sorry that they don't have a dad and now it seems like they don't have a mom too.

I've a P6 son going to have his PSLE, and things really croop out different as I've planned.

What can I do?????????????????

sotongmom76
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Postby verykiasu2010 » Wed Feb 09, 2011 4:01 pm

please see my reply to you previously at the money matter section

http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum ... &start=380

hope it helps
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Postby cherrygal » Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:00 pm

Really sad to read your situation.

1) Did you not obtain alimony from your ex-hubby? Where is the child support?
2) Do you have relatives here who can help you? You seem all alone...
3) Can you return to Malaysia since things are less expensive over there and you can then tap on the country's financial assistance schemes?
4) Find a more flexible job that may earn more money eg. housing agent, insurance agent etc

Your situation is so sticky primarily because of the citizenship issue. As verykiasu had suggested, ask your MP for help to see if the kids can become citizens since you are one.

Stay strong, gal!

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Postby verykiasu2010 » Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:04 pm

cherrygal wrote:Really sad to read your situation.

1) Did you not obtain alimony from your ex-hubby? Where is the child support?
2) Do you have relatives here who can help you? You seem all alone...
3) Can you return to Malaysia since things are less expensive over there and you can then tap on the country's financial assistance schemes?

Your situation is so sticky primarily because of the citizenship issue. As verykiasu had suggested, ask your MP for help to see if the kids can become citizens since you are one.

Stay strong, gal!


If in West Malaysia, go see Michael Chong of MCA (or has the person-in-charge has been changed ?)

In Singapore, go see the MP, or any Church group
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Postby TREX8 » Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:27 pm

I am sorry to learn of your plight and the situation that you and your children are in now. It must be a great adjustment for both you and your children.

One thing is definite- you need to work in order to support your family. So there is not much point thinking about the whether to work or not issue. I'm afraid you don't have a choice.

To allow you to go out and work with peace of mind, your children need to adjust from having a stay-at-home mum to being independent.

It would not be easy, as it seems that your kids have been having you around at home since they were born. So give them some time and space as they are also adjusting. Caning them and yelling at them for being 不懂事will not help and will only worsen your relationship with them. Tell your children what is expected of them, what to do to be 懂事, praise them when they put in effort (even when the effort resulted in more work for you, rather than helping you), hug each other when things are down, and when things are up.

I know it is tiring, but only through putting in more effort now, then they will be able to grow and learn to cope with the situation, and only then will things improve.

Some forummers have suggested some avenues for help. I would like to suggest that you try to work with your children's schools.

1. Financial aid - see if your children's schools are able to provide any financial aid. Some aids are restricted to citizens, but others are provided by the school and applies to all students in the school. For example, ask school to see if can help with textbooks, uniform and pocket money etc.

2. Supervision help - work with your children's teachers. See if some system can be worked out for your child to stay back in school and complete homework in school. You might want to arrange a meeting with the school Principal and see what can be worked out.

For your P6 boy whom you said is "lazy, telling lies" - was he like this previously? You've mentioned that you've come to Singapore in Dec 2009 with your children. Where were they previously educated in? In Malaysia? Chinese or Malay medium school?

Could it be that your child is not lazy but simply cannot cope with school demands and hence didn't do his homework? Could it be that he lied to you in order not to worry you?

Relocating for an adult is not easy, what more for a child? Leaving behind friends, adjusting to a new education system and environment, making new friends, and now needing to do all these without you being around- imagine how tough it is for your child.

I feel that the most immediate thing to do is to settle the children first. Once the family front is settled and everyone sought of know their routine and what is expected of them, only then will you be able to go out and work in peace and only then, can you rebuild a home with your children.

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Postby sotongmom76 » Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:41 pm

cherrygal wrote:Really sad to read your situation.

1) Did you not obtain alimony from your ex-hubby? Where is the child support?
2) Do you have relatives here who can help you? You seem all alone...
3) Can you return to Malaysia since things are less expensive over there and you can then tap on the country's financial assistance schemes?
4) Find a more flexible job that may earn more money eg. housing agent, insurance agent etc

Your situation is so sticky primarily because of the citizenship issue. As verykiasu had suggested, ask your MP for help to see if the kids can become citizens since you are one.

Stay strong, gal!


HI, thks for giving me advise.

1) He didn't gave me because he said that it's my will to divorce, so he'll gave me the custory of the children but no alimony. Wat do you mean "where is the child support"?

2) Ya, I should be all alone. Cause I've been married to Malaysia for 13yrs, so we are not so close.

3) I can't go back to Malaysia because I'm not a Malaysian or PR. All these 13yrs I'm just having visit social pass. Even I'm back there, I can't find a job.

4) I'm not good at sales...

:stupid: right????

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Postby sotongmom76 » Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:44 pm

If in West Malaysia, go see Michael Chong of MCA (or has the person-in-charge has been changed ?)

In Singapore, go see the MP, or any Church group[/quote]

Well, I had been to MP. MP had written a letter to CDC at Toa Payoh. But I was rejected by CDC because I'm working and the most thing is my children are foregin.

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Postby sotongmom76 » Thu Feb 10, 2011 1:50 pm

TREX8 wrote: 1. Financial aid - see if your children's schools are able to provide any financial aid. Some aids are restricted to citizens, but others are provided by the school and applies to all students in the school. For example, ask school to see if can help with textbooks, uniform and pocket money etc.

2. Supervision help - work with your children's teachers. See if some system can be worked out for your child to stay back in school and complete homework in school. You might want to arrange a meeting with the school Principal and see what can be worked out.

For your P6 boy whom you said is "lazy, telling lies" - was he like this previously? You've mentioned that you've come to Singapore in Dec 2009 with your children. Where were they previously educated in? In Malaysia? Chinese or Malay medium school?

Could it be that your child is not lazy but simply cannot cope with school demands and hence didn't do his homework? Could it be that he lied to you in order not to worry you?
.


They used to study in Malaysia Chinese School.

Tomorrow I'll meet my boy's teacher and maybe we'll sort out things.

Thank you very much for your advise.

sotongmom76
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Postby sotongmom76 » Thu Feb 10, 2011 2:01 pm

Thanks parent who came in here to advise and encourage me!

Yesterday I and my P6 boy had a talk. Because out of a sudden he told me that he wanted to go back to his dad's place.

I knew that he's not really willing to go back to his dad's place, so we had a talk just him and I.

Found out that, he said he's going to give himself up because he don't know whether he can make it through PSLE and he's unwilling going to school.

Because he felt sorry that he didn't do his homework and telling lies to him and felt that he had let his P5 teacher and P6 teacher down. He said he can't help being lazy and want to play. He said that since Monday, he don't have recess until the last 5 mins because his teacher asked him to stay in the class to read his Sci.

THEN, I realise that I'm TOTALLY WRONG. Ya, totally wrong. So now I think that I should give up my nite job, and spend times with the kids. I had told my other 3 children, they said that it's ok even through that they can eat bread or white rice.

I had a great cry alone by myself and was sleepless the whole nite. So I intent to have a talk with his teacher and see how can we work together.

I'll be strong and try to pay the dets which I had owned to the SP, HDB and phone line. Then from there, I'm going to plan out everything again, and be more hardworking looking for home based job which I can do in the nite and weekends.

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Postby verykiasu2010 » Thu Feb 10, 2011 2:05 pm

sotongmom76 wrote:Thanks parent who came in here to advise and encourage me!

Yesterday I and my P6 boy had a talk. Because out of a sudden he told me that he wanted to go back to his dad's place.

I knew that he's not really willing to go back to his dad's place, so we had a talk just him and I.

Found out that, he said he's going to give himself up because he don't know whether he can make it through PSLE and he's unwilling going to school.

Because he felt sorry that he didn't do his homework and telling lies to him and felt that he had let his P5 teacher and P6 teacher down. He said he can't help being lazy and want to play. He said that since Monday, he don't have recess until the last 5 mins because his teacher asked him to stay in the class to read his Sci.

THEN, I realise that I'm TOTALLY WRONG. Ya, totally wrong. So now I think that I should give up my nite job, and spend times with the kids. I had told my other 3 children, they said that it's ok even through that they can eat bread or white rice.

I had a great cry alone by myself and was sleepless the whole nite. So I intent to have a talk with his teacher and see how can we work together.

I'll be strong and try to pay the dets which I had owned to the SP, HDB and phone line. Then from there, I'm going to plan out everything again, and be more hardworking looking for home based job which I can do in the nite and weekends.


sotong, please see your inbox of of 'private message' i believe that organisation can give you some help. no strings attached
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