Kid that locked at home in the room

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Kid that locked at home in the room

Postby secretsquirrel » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:04 am

My niece who is 17 years old has been keeping herself at home most of the time locking herself in her room for the past one year.

She has refused to go to school during her secondary 4 and had took her 'o' level at home as private candidate. Her parents was hoping that all the coping at home will end if her results are able to get her anywhere for her to further her studies but it turns out to be disappointing. She choose to retake 'o' level again even though her result are able to see her to polytechnic.

Does anyone out there comes across situation like this before? I really feels so heartbreak to see such a clever girl turns out to be like that... And it pains me further seeing her father that is my brother suffering and pulling a long sad face all day long.

Of course we believe something must have happened at school but didn't really know what's happening....

My brother's saving are depleted due to her home tution fees. I would like to know if the govt body or MOE be able to do home counselling a not.

Thanks in advance.

secretsquirrel
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Postby BlueBells » Mon Feb 14, 2011 8:48 am

If you believe something must have happened in school, did anyone check with the school, her teachers, her classmates or even best friend then?

If not, please check with the school now. Not sure if it is too late, but some clues are better than none.

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Postby secretsquirrel » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:47 pm

something did happened and her parents did not handle well enough during that time. We roughly know what's happening but it's too late to deal with that now.

The problem is my niece is very introvert so she doesn't have good friend and much friends, so can't check.

Going forward, just wondering what else can we assist?

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Postby cnimed » Mon Feb 14, 2011 5:44 pm

Oh dear. Is it a case of bullying in school? There are studies that girls are more vulnerable to the effects of emotional bullying, especially at teenager stage. I see your niece's self-esteem and confidence have been shattered to the extent that she doesn't even want to leave the safety of her room.

If your relatives are comfortable with religion, there are some churches that have counselling services. The cousellors may be pastors themselves, and in some cases, they may agree to go to the house if it's not too inconvenient. That is one option that they can explore.

One of my neighbours had used a Catholic church service to help with her child. Because her child was young then, the counsellor used play therapy to draw out her emotions. The sessions were at the church itself. Your niece may be more open to art therapy or something that doesn't require her to talk immediately.
http://www.familylife.sg/counselling-ca ... -parishes/

Personally I think school should not be a priority at this point in her life. It's more important that she process her emotions, reintegrates into society, find meaning in her life and rebuild her self-esteem. If I am the parent or sister, I would stop the private classes because studying is just a way to distract herself from facing up to her emotions, and she's not in the state to maximise the studying anyway. Instead, I will suggest taking a break, and doing something that can help her heal inside, like art or music, or pottery. These are very good for helping individuals process emotions and events that cannot be rationalised. (e.g. why does someone want to do something so mean to me etc.)

When she is better, I would gently push her into doing some volunteer work to help her regain perspective and draw her focus from her personal pain, to the broader world. It can be nature-related, animal-related, or society related, and only take a couple of hours a week. Over time, these can also help her rebuild her self-estteem and self-confidence.

all the best!
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