KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

Dear KS parents.. I would need some opinion if u were me what will u do?

I'm filing divorce with my ex currently on the terms on 4 yrs of separation. Since Ds is 1 yrs old 2 mth, I've been separated with my ex and he had nt been payin maintenance to the child neither did he visit the child.

Now that we r going thru divorce, he had given up his custody and gave me sole custody care n control. The only thing he is asking is reasonable access to the child and no maintenance or $1 maintenance for the child.

At the initial stage when we were separated, my ex took Ds birth cert to consult a lawyer to enquire about giving Ds up for adoption. I've stopped him in time by making a police report against him. Now that he is asking for reasonable access I worry something bad may happen.

I had proposed his access to be once a mth between 1-4pm on Sunday and it got to be in my house and when I'm around. Am I too much? 2ndly by asking for 50% of Ds expenses as maintenance is it too much especially when he is not working despite being a uni grad? I spend 1.4k on Ds mthly for his sch n classes.

Another issue. I believe most Chinese family will bring their newborn birth character to A Feng shui master to calculate for a good name. When Ds is born, my ex decided to name Ds to his liking. From few mths old to four yrs old Ds had been admitted to kkh once a yr. Finally in '09 I went to you long zi to hav his name calculated. Then I know his actual name is nt gd to his health. Since then I tried getting my ex to agree in the changing of name but he refuse. Friends teachers n relatives had since abandon his actuAl name and call him with the new n better name. since the switch in name, Ds no longer get Admitted to hospital and health is much better now. Which mother dun wish their child to b health and safe? Plus Ds need to enrol for p1 soon..

Parents plZ advise what shld I do???
09

e3nity wrote:Dear KS parents.. I would need some opinion if u were me what will u do?

I'm filing divorce with my ex currently on the terms on 4 yrs of separation. Since Ds is 1 yrs old 2 mth, I've been separated with my ex and he had nt been payin maintenance to the child neither did he visit the child.

Now that we r going thru divorce, he had given up his custody and gave me sole custody care n control. The only thing he is asking is reasonable access to the child and no maintenance or $1 maintenance for the child.

At the initial stage when we were separated, my ex took Ds birth cert to consult a lawyer to enquire about giving Ds up for adoption. I've stopped him in time by making a police report against him. Now that he is asking for reasonable access I worry something bad may happen.

I had proposed his access to be once a mth between 1-4pm on Sunday and it got to be in my house and when I'm around. Am I too much? 2ndly by asking for 50% of Ds expenses as maintenance is it too much especially when he is not working despite being a uni grad? I spend 1.4k on Ds mthly for his sch n classes.

Another issue. I believe most Chinese family will bring their newborn birth character to A Feng shui master to calculate for a good name. When Ds is born, my ex decided to name Ds to his liking. From few mths old to four yrs old Ds had been admitted to kkh once a yr. Finally in '09 I went to you long zi to hav his name calculated. Then I know his actual name is nt gd to his health. Since then I tried getting my ex to agree in the changing of name but he refuse. Friends teachers n relatives had since abandon his actuAl name and call him with the new n better name. since the switch in name, Ds no longer get Admitted to hospital and health is much better now. Which mother dun wish their child to b health and safe? Plus Ds need to enrol for p1 soon..

Parents plZ advise what shld I do???
09

My Dear, did both of you tried to settle the issue during the separation? I may not know the actual reasons for the separation but based on what you have wrote, dont over believe things in feng shui. The child still the connection between both of you.

Our separation is nt because of Feng shui. It's because he is not supporting the family. I rather believe in the change of name as I see improvements it. His health improved aft we started calling his new name. He no longer need to admit since the last 2 yrs which I'm real grateful about. I don't wish to risk him from admitting to hospital for neuro tests.

My point is since thru out he is not supporting the kid, did not play the role of a father for the past few years, y do he what's to stop me from changing my child name? It's for the child's health. He had never take care of Ds since birth he don't know how bad things can be when Ds fall sick..

of o were u o will not get in touch with him and move on with my life and work towards raising the kid on my own.. Life will be better if he is completely out of the picture and move on.....
Yr ex is like a sack of bad potatoes so learn to throw the pptatoes away and move on.

Herbie wrote:of o were u o will not get in touch with him and move on with my life and work towards raising the kid on my own.. Life will be better if he is completely out of the picture and move on.....

He is alrdy out of our life since 2006. However because of the divorce and my request in changing Ds name its giving me a hard time..

e3nity wrote:... However because of the divorce and my request in changing Ds name its giving me a hard time..

Hi e3nity,

From what I know, name only can change below 1 year old..

My tiny sense think that since he is already out of your life on year 2006, not been pay any child maintenance and you are the sole custody + care & control of your child, so no need to seek any advise from him..

Just like you mentioned which mother doesnt wish their child to be health & Safer, so you have to think about which solution to solve the problem..of course can always seek for advise but the final decision still on yourself...

I was like "a housefly without head" during the period I divorced. Lost of direction .....

Try to be Strong and stay firm....

just hang on call yeds the newname and chanee it later...the more u want to change the more problem he will give u..

Fussymom base on the Singapore law unfortunately, if I change Ds nAme now it is possible by deed poll but if I change without his consent.. He can ask to court to revert the old name bk..

Herbie my problem nw is thAt Ds is Gg p1 soon and if I don't change it soon Ds will b registered under the old name which he dunno how to write..

my nephew change his name when he was in p five. May be u want to seek lawyer help to see whether since u guys were divorced already do u still need hi s consent. Lawyer can help to chane yr ds name too...but got to pay lor

my nephew change his name when he was in p five. May be u want to seek lawyer help to see whether since u guys were divorced already do u still need hi s consent. Lawyer can help to chane yr ds name too...but got to pay lor