In-law problems?

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

If you have a choice, would you stay with your in laws?

Yes
50
7%
No
654
93%
 
Total votes : 704

In-law problems?

Postby winth » Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:22 pm

Hi,

Anyone facing in-law issues? Can share personal experience?

DH said I'm considered quite lucky as he has heard very cham (pitiful) stories from his colleagues.

But from my girlfriends, they seem to be having a breeze and upperhand when they handle in-laws leh...

But one thing I know I'm very lucky is that I don't stay with them, bec if I had, maybe I had already :stupid: liao.

winth
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Postby mintcc » Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:29 pm

ha ha ... for my case most of da collegues doe complain of the il problem. especiall when its maids + il + kids woow bang! formula of lots of :stupid: moments.

my boy's first yr after I go back to work is like that. after that, I sent my boy to childcare and only meet for dinner once in a while. Think every one is happeier that way.

mintcc
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Postby winth » Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:31 pm

Once in a while is how long ah?

I need to meet them once in a week, last time worse, twice in a week (Sat & Sun bo-ga-liao).

winth
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Postby mintcc » Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:36 pm

may be once or twice a month bah. Unless happens to be CNY/Birthday season.

mintcc
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Postby sashimi » Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:41 pm

I'm pretty sure there's a reason why the abbreviation MIL is more common than any other variant of "IL".... :roll:

To me, the crux of the issues generated by IL problems is the generation gap. Too often, one generation expects the next to behave like them, even though times have literally changed. But I don't disagree to the fact that the older will often have the advantage of experience (and wisdom), and some things (SOME only) you have to take them at faith value.

But still.....

sashimi
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Postby winth » Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:51 pm

That looks good... at least only once or twice a month.

I'm trying to bargain with hubby that I only need to meet them every other week, while he continues to go every week. Just got 'leave approved' for this weekend.

My MIL and SIL super-actresses. MIL will talk to me when DH is around, when he goes toilet or go somewhere, she will like ignore you completely like you're invisible. Then when DH comes back again, wah... talk to me again...

SIL doesn't even greet me and has been really nasty in her words to DH and myself, but somehow DH like used to it/can't be bothered with her comments liao. So I'm the only one who feels miserable.

Used to argue with DH alot when we first got married, bec of ILs. But now think he somehow saw the 'evidences' that I've been pointing out to him, so he is starting to support my absences during his weekly visits to them.

My MIL and SIL were very nasty to my parents too. Recently, they invited my parents to my SIL's wedding, but the wedding card is blank one, said dun have time to write their names. My parents were angry, but said had to give face bec I will kanna gossip if they dun turn up, since none of the relatives knows that the invitation card is blank.

Then during dinner, my MIL actually told my parents that my 2 boys will sit with her, not with them. After dinner, they turn their backs towards my parents when they were about to leave, didn't bother to shake hands. When my DH went to talk to my parents, they suddenly become very 'warm' to my parents, just like how they treated me. This caused to mum to :x even more.

winth
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In-law problems?

Postby buds » Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:06 pm

Anyone facing in-law issues? Can share personal experience?


Ooooooooh...
Where to begin....
Hmmmm...

buds
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Postby winth » Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:08 pm

pretty pls....

winth
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Postby MMM » Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:13 pm

We are staying with pils since we got married. It's my 10th year bet I survived it 8)

Frankly despite staying together for 10 yrs, I rarely speak to my mil. We've a maid so we do not have housework stuff to argue about. When we used to stay in a 3 bedrm and before having kids, I would go straight to the room when I reach home. I rarely sit around in the living room,etc... bet we are self-sufficient in our own room. Friends were amused that I don't know how to operate our TV in the living room (bet you can guess how often I use it). My mil is alittle deaf on one ear and sometimes talking to her would means "shouting". Also, she is not the type of auntie who got alot of things (eg. my mum) to say and I am not particularly "sociable" so end up nothing to say to each other. Look on the bright side, since we don't communciate much, there's probably lesser conflict. Though there are angry moments, eg. I like to shop when I travel for work so naturally I would end up buying alot of stuff for the kids (eg. clothes). My mil once commented to my ex-maid that why should I waste $ on clothes might as well keep $. My ex-maid related this to my mum. She has always been a housewife and I feel that she is under the impression that probably the $ comes from my hubby??? Which my mum know that I am financial independent, don't need a single cent from her son and instead I am helping her son to support the house, car, kids education, etc... But I subscribe to the chinese culture and firmly believe in harmonious family so I just let the matter rest.

Meanwhile for my fil, he is a retiree, shares watching everyday. I recalled the 1st few times I visited their place, he looked at me from head to toe (really glaring type). Just like what happened on TV (can't imagine it's happening to me :? ). My hubby is their only son and they have 4 daughters. So he had to be doubly sure his future dil is ok. Outsiders view him as a very fussy and difficult to get along person (eg. my housing agent auntie who met him when she was helping us with our unit rental). She told my father's eldest sister (my da gu) that she wonder how I got along with my fil. He is fussy, straightforward and can sound blunt/ offensive if you don't know him). But I think I prefer this type of character as very transparent. My mil is "everything OK" but in fact, I don't think she is the really "everything OK" type. So naturally I prefer my fil more. While we were doing renovation of our current house that lasted 1 yr, we had alot of opportunity to interact. Fortunately, we survived that with minimal conflicts since there are times when we had different ideas. Fortunately hubby and me are very much align so we take a utd stand. Besides I can tell that my fil respect me and treats me well. I gather that he understands that I am also earning a reasonable income and "not sponging" on his son. I am supporting the family, kids,etc... and also when it comes to kids' education, it's obvious that I'm more hardworking while his son takes it easy.

Meanwhile for my 4 sils, they are the type who don't mind other people's business so we got along fine. However, my youngest sil used to stay with us when we first got married (for around 3 yrs). She is same age as me. I am already introvert but she is worst! Under the same roof, but we don't talk. Fortunately she got married. We are ok just that she is the quiet type. However, I do get along fine with his 3 other sisters esp his eldest sis (10 yrs my snr) lives opposite our unit before we shifted. Though she is the da jie, she rarely come and interrupt in our house stuff. I am sure my mil will have complained to her abt me but so long I don't hear it, I don't care.

I think one must be easy going and not take everything too hard inorder to live together as a family. Sometimes just got to close one eye otherwise you will feel very miserable if everything also gets on your nerve. As I grow older, I appreciate that we are actually staying together and can take care of each other. I didn't have such thots when I was younger. Somehow I think it would be nice to stay with the kids when we are old as well but I wonder abt staying with my dil :roll:

MMM
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In-law problems?

Postby buds » Wed Feb 18, 2009 4:15 pm

But one thing I know I'm very lucky is that I don't stay with them, bec if I had, maybe I had already :stupid: liao.


Yes, winth.
You ARE very lucky!



Let's start with this liner.



My IL's UNDER ONE ROOF with us..
:faint:

buds
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