Growing apart

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Growing apart

Postby Jennifer » Mon Apr 11, 2011 7:03 pm

I read that being parents, we need to grow up with our children. At different stages, we perform different roles.

What about with our spouse?

Jennifer
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 23238
Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2008 1:10 pm
Total Likes: 106


Postby sleepy » Mon Apr 11, 2011 8:05 pm

I think having common topic and common hobby are important to avoid growing apart. Need to show interest in each other's life.

sleepy
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 9068
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 6:21 pm
Total Likes: 34


Postby LOLMum » Mon Apr 11, 2011 9:48 pm

never never focus all your attention on kids and neglect spouse. big mistake. i dont need all those drama, tears and heartaches when i am old.

as a sahm for many years, there are many things happening in the working world which i might not know etc so sometimes do have a problme understanding his work. but working on it.

he is heavily involved in the kids' activities thus i created common interests and topics just for the two of us and no one else not even the kids.

i also maintain a friendly relationship with his side of family so that we have more things to talk about.

we always do things together but i give him his space as well. too clingy also cause problems.

gosh it is hardwork keeping the :love: but worth it.

LOLMum
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3808
Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:25 pm
Total Likes: 1


Postby cherrygal » Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:28 pm

LOLmum,
You are very very smart! All SAHMs should learn from your example.

Sometimes we are so caught up with the kids and we forget or worse, vent our frustrations at our husbands.

Can't help it sometimes, but maybe it's becoz I keep telling myself I can find my own money (new sahm mah...) so no need to depend on him. Maybe I will be more submissive if I become sahm for a longer period.

I also feel it's unfair why we women must do all this hard work to "keep" our husbands happy? Why can't they do the hard work?

cherrygal
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:01 am
Total Likes: 13


Postby LOLMum » Tue Apr 12, 2011 11:46 pm

hi cherrygal,

one doesnt have to be a doormat just because one is a sahm. i think even if dh is the sole breadwinner, both husband and wife should have an equal say as to how the money is going to be used. of course, not everyone agrees which might leads to problems.

for my case, it is mutual trust all the way. i get my share and he can do whatever he wants with his money. but i make sure he spends on his mum as well (gosh, he loves her to bits but supportive of me as well). lately, dh has been giving me his financial stts to keep :rubhands: gonna take him to the cleaners if he is mean to me.

a man who comes home happy rarely stray. and the hardwork we wives do is worth every single cent.

LOLMum
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3808
Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:25 pm
Total Likes: 1



Postby LOLMum » Wed Apr 13, 2011 7:54 am

i think one should find the most suitable way to keep the magic alive in the marriage.

some marriages work because the wives dont mind being the submissive party. some have equal say in the relationship.

some couples are always bickering but still stick together and when they are old, they will mellow down and take care of each other just like my parents. it is at the last stage of their lives that you see the fondness or love they have for each other.

LOLMum
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3808
Joined: Fri Feb 19, 2010 7:25 pm
Total Likes: 1


Postby LKVM » Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:51 am

LOLMum wrote:hi cherrygal,

one doesnt have to be a doormat just because one is a sahm. i think even if dh is the sole breadwinner, both husband and wife should have an equal say as to how the money is going to be used. of course, not everyone agrees which might leads to problems.

for my case, it is mutual trust all the way. i get my share and he can do whatever he wants with his money. but i make sure he spends on his mum as well (gosh, he loves her to bits but supportive of me as well). lately, dh has been giving me his financial stts to keep :rubhands: gonna take him to the cleaners if he is mean to me.

a man who comes home happy rarely stray. and the hardwork we wives do is worth every single cent.


:goodpost:

LKVM
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 14884
Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 4:12 pm
Total Likes: 0


Postby rydy » Wed Apr 13, 2011 2:16 pm

Me and my wife are both working.

Every evening we have those few precious hours with our children. Going through their daily homework, catching up, etc.

I travel frequently so it put some stress on her whenever I'm not around, dealing with the daily routine.

Despite having a maid who takes care of household chores, we are busy to ensure they finish up the homework. Sometimes I'm surprised with some of the words they learn (for weekly spelling) in K2 and primary school!!

Anyway, me and my wife have now a common interest - Running.

We talk about the sports and also signed up 4 races (so far) this year.

So I think it is important to have a common hobby or interest. Before the daily tedious routine starts to widen the gap.

rydy
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:47 pm
Total Likes: 1


Postby rydy » Wed Apr 13, 2011 2:21 pm

Oh by the way, there are plentiful of races in Singapore nowadays.

It seems the whole island is running in recent times. You see runners everywhere now...

About 60 races this year at least, alot to choose from. :D

rydy
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 42
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:47 pm
Total Likes: 1


Postby carebear » Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:45 pm

DH and I have very few things in common since the day we dated.
But somehow we have a connection for each other.
DH likes to play xbox and computer games.
I will sit beside him and do my own things.
Although we do not communicate verbally, there is still a strange form of communication that i can't explain. It is like some kind of magnetic force which attracts us together. So if he travel abroad, we miss each other's presence dearly.
I hope this inexplicable attraction will continue forever.
:celebrate:

carebear
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1034
Joined: Sat Nov 22, 2008 10:38 pm
Total Likes: 0


Next

Return to Relationships