Favouritism

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.
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worried_mummy02
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Re: Favouritism

Post by worried_mummy02 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 1:57 pm

slmkhoo wrote:
worried_mummy02 wrote:hi MrsKiasu, do u mean i shd consider giving up tis pregnancy? Before i knew i had tis pregnancy, i dun hv this strong negative thought of having a girl..i donno i will feel so negative after knowing i hav a girl..i juz tot it will b gd to hav a sibling for my boy..my dh is against of me giving up tis baby, he ask me to try bonding after the baby is born n things may improve..he said he can help to take care of the baby too..
Don't judge yourself - you are already blaming yourself for not loving the unborn child. Of course you think you love your son more because he is there, communicating and interacting with you. When you daughter appears and does the same, you will love her her just the same.

Are you the kind who takes time to get used to changes? It seems that you are. Rather than assume that you cannot change how you feel now, focus on the good things that will come out of having a 2nd child, and expect that your feelings will change over time. And doctors are there to help - if you don't tell her how you feel, and she doesn't realise it, how is she to help you? And don't 2nd-guess your doctor - she will know best if you shouldn't take medications, and she will have other solutions.
Yes i m the type who cannot get used to changes, or mayb need a long long time..i try to tink of the positive things of having a 2nd child but i donno how to tink of a positive thing of having a girl..yes i tink i need to ask my gynae for advice but reli cannot afford going to pyschiatrist cos of financial issues..

worried_mummy02
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Re: Favouritism

Post by worried_mummy02 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 1:59 pm

MrsKiasu wrote:worried_mummy02, good morning..feel free to come here and talk whenever you feel like it. don't keep everything to yourself ok. we sometimes talk quite alot when we have time :lol:
Tks alot..i reli feel v down everyday..i tink my hb getting v stressed oso..cos i keep telling the same everyday n feel v down everyday..even to the extent of cannot concentrate taking care for my son now..

worried_mummy02
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Re: Favouritism

Post by worried_mummy02 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:05 pm

Funz wrote:Sounds like worried_mommy02 might be experiencing some prenatal blues. Do consult with your gynae, he/she may be able to help. I know of a mother who was not planning for another child and when she was found out she was pregnant, her 1st thought was to abort, however her family members were all against it. As her pregnancy progresses she became depressed and her moods swings started to affect her 1st child. She was referred to a psychiatrist. Now in her final stage of her pregnancy and she is looking forward to welcoming her new baby. Gynae did caution her about post natal blues as well.

Personally, I was not ready for my 2nd pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant with a boy I was disappointed. I wanted another girl. People kept telling me that the 1st born will always be special because I experience motherhood 1st with her. I was also worried that I might neglect DS as DD was also a rather difficult baby/todd. However, when DS was born, he stole my heart. Now both of them are in their teens. I love both of them to bits but very honestly, DS is the one who eases my stress. Not that I unload on him but just his presence and talking to him or listening to him at the end of the day simply melts away all the stress of that day.
Oh no, i hv the thoughts of ur fren too..but my dh n parents oso against the idea of abortion..but i feel so miserable everyday, reli donno wat to do..u know the charges of the psychiatrist ur fren went to? How did she buck up eventually?

Ya i love my son alot cos i experienced motherhood wif him n took care of him all along..he was a difficult toddler too..n now when he talk to me cos he is more grown up liao, he melts my heart too..i reli donno how i can love another child, a girl who i nv expect i can love..

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Re: Favouritism

Post by worried_mummy02 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:10 pm

Estéema wrote:Agree, worried_mummy02. I've gone through one serious depression & one other post-natal downtime but I recognized it immediately. It's just my hormones the 2nd time so I don't let it bother me. Do come by & chat.

I've not been able to offer my time earlier, tho after reading, I tried typing my comfort to you but coz I was in hospital with my FIL, I accidentally lost/delete the msg to you. When I gather my thots again, I hope to share with you.

You hv a son u love. Your DH is supportive. I believe u can make it & please stay positive & happy. Your son wants you to be happy & he'll hope to see his 妹妹 and help you love & care for her.

Chat with you again, later OK? There're many caring mums & girlfriends here. S'times we get kind daddy's chipping in for those tech, hard nut issues. Lots to share together.
How u overcome ur depression n post natal downtime tat time?

Its ok, i understand tat everyone can b busy wif their daily lives..yes my hb is supportive n my son is oso looking forward to seeing his meimei..its juz me, i donno how to look forward n love her..

Now i m so worried my emotions will affect my baby girl..i reli wish to b happi so tat she can b happi n guai guai too..i tried my best to b positive everytime but the next moment i feel like breaking down again..

slmkhoo
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Re: Favouritism

Post by slmkhoo » Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:40 pm

worried_mummy02 wrote:Not tat a baby girl is not gd but cos i heard from other mummies tat girls r higher maintenance..need to doll up n tidy wif nice clothes n tie hair nice nice..go out toilet oso more troublesome den boys, especially the toilet bowls cover always not clean outside..
You don't have to doll them up if you don't want to. My girls wore hand-me-down boys baby clothes as I had friends with sons! They mostly wore tees and shorts. They only had a few dresses which were gifts which they wore once a week (to church). I cut their hair until they were teenagers - simple fringe and one-length hair all around. They never had any "nice nice" hair stuff. Toilets - yes, it's easier for boys, but you are a female too, so you should be perfectly used to female toilets etc. Just wipe the seats! There is really no need to set such high expectations for yourself.


MrsKiasu
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Re: Favouritism

Post by MrsKiasu » Mon Jul 23, 2018 3:07 pm

Going toilet is easy for mommy bringing girls. I tell my girls we drink and go toilet at the same time when we go out. I wipe the seat once and we all share. One flush after that. No wasting of water. How old is your ds? Do you bring him to female toilet or he goes with daddy? I m their hairstylist. They actually have quite many nice clothes but wearing bigger more worn out tees to them most comfy. dds quite like me, we wouldn't that much bothered on how people look at us, lack of certain mannerism to certain people. We just be ourselves do what we feel comfortable. I was under stressful period while preggy with both. But were quite ok babies, whatever they are now, from what I see were resulted from how I behave, what they see, hear and taught by us adults.

ammonite
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Re: Favouritism

Post by ammonite » Mon Jul 23, 2018 3:26 pm

worried_mummy02 wrote: Not tat a baby girl is not gd but cos i heard from other mummies tat girls r higher maintenance..need to doll up n tidy wif nice clothes n tie hair nice nice..go out toilet oso more troublesome den boys, especially the toilet bowls cover always not clean outside..
I understand if you don't feel ready for another child, or are feeling gender disappointment. I beg your pardon but this toilet question seems really strange coming from a woman. It seems more like the kind of question that daddy asks. :? The physical care of a baby girl should be less of a learning curve than that for a baby boy...?

worried_mummy02
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Re: Favouritism

Post by worried_mummy02 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 3:56 pm

slmkhoo wrote:
worried_mummy02 wrote:Not tat a baby girl is not gd but cos i heard from other mummies tat girls r higher maintenance..need to doll up n tidy wif nice clothes n tie hair nice nice..go out toilet oso more troublesome den boys, especially the toilet bowls cover always not clean outside..
You don't have to doll them up if you don't want to. My girls wore hand-me-down boys baby clothes as I had friends with sons! They mostly wore tees and shorts. They only had a few dresses which were gifts which they wore once a week (to church). I cut their hair until they were teenagers - simple fringe and one-length hair all around. They never had any "nice nice" hair stuff. Toilets - yes, it's easier for boys, but you are a female too, so you should be perfectly used to female toilets etc. Just wipe the seats! There is really no need to set such high expectations for yourself.
But if i dun doll my girl up, i feel tat she is not so cute or sweet n even wont love her..n the washing of personal wear which mean extra stuff to wear..i know i sound like such a lazy mum, mayb tis is a test given by god to change me?

Ya cos all along i reli set v high expectations which make me so hard to accept all these changes now..

worried_mummy02
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Re: Favouritism

Post by worried_mummy02 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 3:59 pm

MrsKiasu wrote:Going toilet is easy for mommy bringing girls. I tell my girls we drink and go toilet at the same time when we go out. I wipe the seat once and we all share. One flush after that. No wasting of water. How old is your ds? Do you bring him to female toilet or he goes with daddy? I m their hairstylist. They actually have quite many nice clothes but wearing bigger more worn out tees to them most comfy. dds quite like me, we wouldn't that much bothered on how people look at us, lack of certain mannerism to certain people. We just be ourselves do what we feel comfortable. I was under stressful period while preggy with both. But were quite ok babies, whatever they are now, from what I see were resulted from how I behave, what they see, hear and taught by us adults.
My hb n i take turns to bring my son to toilet..so i feel tat its easier for the toilet part for boys..cos i heard tat pregnant mummies who r v stressed n the baby may b collicky after birth?

worried_mummy02
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Re: Favouritism

Post by worried_mummy02 » Mon Jul 23, 2018 4:00 pm

ammonite wrote:
worried_mummy02 wrote: Not tat a baby girl is not gd but cos i heard from other mummies tat girls r higher maintenance..need to doll up n tidy wif nice clothes n tie hair nice nice..go out toilet oso more troublesome den boys, especially the toilet bowls cover always not clean outside..
I understand if you don't feel ready for another child, or are feeling gender disappointment. I beg your pardon but this toilet question seems really strange coming from a woman. It seems more like the kind of question that daddy asks. :? The physical care of a baby girl should be less of a learning curve than that for a baby boy...?
Cos i heard from my fren who has a girl n find a hassle when bringing her go toilet compared to bringing her boy..can share y is the physical care of a girl easier than a boy?

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