Favouritism

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.
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MrsKiasu
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Re: Favouritism

Post by MrsKiasu » Mon Jul 23, 2018 5:19 pm

worried_mummy02 wrote:
slmkhoo wrote: You don't have to doll them up if you don't want to. My girls wore hand-me-down boys baby clothes as I had friends with sons! They mostly wore tees and shorts. They only had a few dresses which were gifts which they wore once a week (to church). I cut their hair until they were teenagers - simple fringe and one-length hair all around. They never had any "nice nice" hair stuff. Toilets - yes, it's easier for boys, but you are a female too, so you should be perfectly used to female toilets etc. Just wipe the seats! There is really no need to set such high expectations for yourself.
But if i dun doll my girl up, i feel tat she is not so cute or sweet n even wont love her..n the washing of personal wear which mean extra stuff to wear..i know i sound like such a lazy mum, mayb tis is a test given by god to change me?

Ya cos all along i reli set v high expectations which make me so hard to accept all these changes now..
In this case I guess better to manage your own expectations. If can, we would like to have many things but in reality it may not be possible without trade offs. You can doll up your kid on special occassions if that is the only time you could afford to stretch your ability. Else, I believe we got to just learn to live with it. On personal hygiene, as mom to their dds, dont think we need to learn on alot of extra things I believe, maybe during baby stage, you can even ask the nurse, think they will be more than happy to share...basically it is how you take care your ownself will be how you should take care of them. Dont worry too much, it should come tp you naturally..how did you manage to take care of a boy when he just born? should be something new on the cleaning part.

Estéema
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Re: Favouritism

Post by Estéema » Mon Jul 23, 2018 5:32 pm

Hi worried_mummy02,

Finally setting aside time to share my journey with you. As I share with you now, I'm also very much going thro menopausal (don't know why still hv symptoms after >10 years) & watching my moods.

Years back, I went thro depression when I shouldered difficulties as sole-caregiver to my mum. That was my 1st depression exp at ard 30s. So, when I gave birth to my kids, I look fwd coz I wanna experience motherhood & share my love.

Post-natal just hit me & sent me spiral into depression & I cldnt really care for my baby tho I planned & shopped & read up everything. It was nothing to do with my babies. I was bored at home, having been a very active career person but having to give all that up. So maybe back in my mind I've the desire to give a lot type. To be holed up at home waiting for birthing was sth I didn't realised set me up for the depression.

I was constantly feeling like my MIL only cared for her new grandchild & DH only hv time for MIL & baby. All I needed was TLCs. Thankfully, he's very supportive & observant. He later brot me to the doc & bought me a spa package to do couple facial & massage. That, I believe all help me to get back to carrying my baby & helping with feeding & bedtime.

KEEP CHEERFUL & HAPPY

TBH, tho I love kids, we thot we cldnt conceive naturally & so looking back, maybe reason is similar in that I didn't expect my pregnancy. Maybe I was looking fwd to being a mother, so I kept myself active & cheerful so maybe I'm save fr pre-natal blues.

Keep cheerful & happy with your husband. Get yr MIL to help you out. Get your darling-boy to start his exciting journey having 妹妹 to help care for & the learning journey for him as a 哥哥. It is your greatest gift to yr son, money cannot buy! You're the only one who can provide that exp for him to learn to share things with - time, love & care. You can tell him he's helping you to nurture her so that 妹妹 can learn family habits & pattern fr, which u've taught him as 1st born. Listen to music with yr boy & tell him 妹妹 is listening & sharing that moment with you both.

When I had my boy, I involved my elder girl & let her know someone special to expect into the family & showed her over the waiting months how she was in my tummy when a baby. Imagine the thrill yr darling-boy will experience when yr daughter comes along. He'll be most grateful to you & be the soldier to protect both ladies in his life.

KEEP Yourself BUSY

I u'stand the emotions gets overwhelming as u're having a lot of uncertainties to face up with. It actually sounds good tt yr DH supportive of yr pregnancy. No matter what, try to keep going - don't think abt the gender of baby u're having. Just enjoy the process with yr darling-boy & hubby. Then tell these 2 young & old guard to help watch her when she's born & until u get over yr confinement with lots of strength & love for the whole family.

You know what, I mustered my strength just by getting my mind to think positive & I even went on to complete my masters degree. I kept going, no time to feel down. I told myself, don't allow anything or anyone to pull my thots down in self-pity, fear or immobiliz with weak thots.

Tell yourself what will u gain if u let go of this life? If u do, will u live to regret as it may haunt u back in yr mind. Wouldn't it be worst? If u allow yourself, then even if your son or yr hubby wants to help, they can't coz u hv to be the one resolved to let everything come back to life - Positive Life!

What's one desire you've been dreaming of doing but hv yet to achieve? Or what do u think can help u be happier with yourself - of course sth achievable that u can get busy & no time to let emotions bog u down with negative thinking.

You hv a lot inside you to offer to your family's happiness. I personally belief tt our human minds may think it's an accident, but someone up there gave you the greatest gift to complete your family. You may come to find yr darling-girl may become more adorable & a fast learner bcoz 哥哥 has been showing the ropes of life to her - just becoz you let him hv the chance to practice leadership fr home arrangement that u created! This is your gift of love for your son & then together your family share the gift of yr girl together & celebrate. No regrets.

As a mother, you'll find enuf love to give & wait till they return that love in kisses & hugs - fr both sides of yr :love: cheek! :love:

I do hope to get the chance to hear your celebration of birth with your DH & your darling-boy. You'll make a very glowing mother holding a boy & a girl :grphug: for family gatherings.

slmkhoo
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Re: Favouritism

Post by slmkhoo » Mon Jul 23, 2018 6:33 pm

worried_mummy02 wrote:But if i dun doll my girl up, i feel tat she is not so cute or sweet n even wont love her..n the washing of personal wear which mean extra stuff to wear..i know i sound like such a lazy mum, mayb tis is a test given by god to change me?

Ya cos all along i reli set v high expectations which make me so hard to accept all these changes now..
I hope it's the hormones talking. Do you mean that you will only love your daughter if she is cute and sweet? I hope not. Will you love your son less if he's not handsome?

Washing - let the washing machine take care of the washing.

janet88
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Re: Favouritism

Post by janet88 » Tue Jul 24, 2018 1:00 pm

I was on anti-depressants...when I realized I was expecting #2, the doctor told me stop medication immediately.
after I gave birth, I had postnatal blues...about 3 years later, I started having insomnia. it just hit me out of the blue. I was afraid of bedtime because it would mean staring at the ceiling. I went back to see the psychiatrist again.

I dolled up daughter because she looked like a boy when she was about 1-2 year old. that's the beauty having a girl.
most of the time, I was in the children's department. those dresses are so pretty and cute.

sleepy
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Re: Favouritism

Post by sleepy » Wed Jul 25, 2018 9:53 am

MrsKiasu wrote:Totally agree that the elder kid can usually be a little helper. Dont underestimate them. I dont have maid and take care of kids mostly myself. It is not easy, especially the emotions side for me, but doable.
I think the role at home has changed between me and my first born child. Not suddenly but gradually over the years. She behaves as if she is the one in charged while I'm the kid. I got lectured for not finishing my rice (it's just a few grains left!), for my supposedly incorrect political views on Donald Trump and for eating shark fin. Stuff like that.
And she cooks and bakes better than I do (don't ask me why lol) I have mixed feeling about this development.


sleepy
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Re: Favouritism

Post by sleepy » Wed Jul 25, 2018 10:01 am

janet88 wrote: I dolled up daughter because she looked like a boy when she was about 1-2 year old. that's the beauty having a girl.
most of the time, I was in the children's department. those dresses are so pretty and cute.
I don't doll up my girls. Mainly just tees and skorts/pants when they were toddlers. Those that can throw into washing machine. Minimum effort mah.
I go for colours instead. I pick the colours I like. So much so that my kids received a specific colour for their birthday presents because all their friends thought that they like that particular colour. It is a misunderstanding. Paiseh, it's their mother who likes that colour :rotflmao:

And by upper primary, they chose their own wardrobe. I only control budget, won't interfer too much with their style of clothing so long they have sensible taste

MrsKiasu
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Re: Favouritism

Post by MrsKiasu » Wed Jul 25, 2018 10:39 am

sleepy wrote:
MrsKiasu wrote:Totally agree that the elder kid can usually be a little helper. Dont underestimate them. I dont have maid and take care of kids mostly myself. It is not easy, especially the emotions side for me, but doable.
I think the role at home has changed between me and my first born child. Not suddenly but gradually over the years. She behaves as if she is the one in charged while I'm the kid. I got lectured for not finishing my rice (it's just a few grains left!), for my supposedly incorrect political views on Donald Trump and for eating shark fin. Stuff like that.
And she cooks and bakes better than I do (don't ask me why lol) I have mixed feeling about this development.
hey, come out already arh :lol: I think they learn from us. Few times I got to tell dd2 off, told her do that when she is at my age. Some like phone addiction ok la, we remind each other.

MyPillow
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Re: Favouritism

Post by MyPillow » Wed Jul 25, 2018 10:49 am

MrsKiasu wrote:
sleepy wrote:
MrsKiasu wrote:Totally agree that the elder kid can usually be a little helper. Dont underestimate them. I dont have maid and take care of kids mostly myself. It is not easy, especially the emotions side for me, but doable.
I think the role at home has changed between me and my first born child. Not suddenly but gradually over the years. She behaves as if she is the one in charged while I'm the kid. I got lectured for not finishing my rice (it's just a few grains left!), for my supposedly incorrect political views on Donald Trump and for eating shark fin. Stuff like that.
And she cooks and bakes better than I do (don't ask me why lol) I have mixed feeling about this development.
hey, come out already arh :lol: I think they learn from us. Few times I got to tell dd2 off, told her do that when she is at my age. Some like phone addiction ok la, we remind each other.
Ssssssssllllleeeeeeeeeeeeppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ..... long time no hear and see
How are you ? :rahrah:

Jennifer
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Re: Favouritism

Post by Jennifer » Wed Jul 25, 2018 11:13 am

There is an article in the Straits Times yesterday 24-Jul on a Singapore Malay family, married with 10 children.
If you do not subscribe to Straits Times, you can go to any national library to borrow the newspapers to read the article.

Worried_Mummy02,
Do consider getting a ligation performed during the delivery of your newborn.

janet88
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Re: Favouritism

Post by janet88 » Wed Jul 25, 2018 9:59 pm

yours truly here loves pink...so daughter is always dressed in pink as a baby and toddler.
at one stage, there were cute and pretty curly clips by old navy (something like that). I bought several of those online.
even with cute curly clips, there were people who still asked 'girl or boy' :siao:

anyway, there is always space in our hearts to love a child.

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