Favouritism

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.
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phtthp
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Re: Favouritism

Post by phtthp » Wed Jul 25, 2018 10:52 pm

Jennifer wrote:There is an article in the Straits Times yesterday 24-Jul on a Singapore Malay family, married with 10 children.
If you do not subscribe to Straits Times, you can go to any national library to borrow the newspapers to read the article.

Worried_Mummy02,
Do consider getting a ligation performed during the delivery of your newborn.
Worried_Mummy02,

as suggested by Jennifer to read the article, even if u do not subscribe to ST, can still watch the video from here, a Malay family with 10 kids.

The mother is positive, inspite of struggle

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/ ... d-counting

Estéema
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Re: Favouritism

Post by Estéema » Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:38 am

Worried_Mummy02,

Thinking of you today. Hope you're feeling more positive everyday.

There are so many exciting and joyful experiences with a baby girl, and I hope to share some info I've collected for you.

According to a study published by the Journal of Neuroscience, “mother-daughter relationships are the strongest of all parent-child bonds when it comes to the common ways their brains process emotion throughout all the changes of life.”

In short, this means both of your brains have natural chemistry which keeps you in-sync. Beautiful, isn’t it?

Pregnancy is the start of a lasting love affair with your child. Studies show that your baby reacts to sound at your 24th week, yet she will begin to respond to external sound between the 26th and 30th week. But did you know that the benefits of connecting with baby while pregnant are far-reaching even after birth?

According to a study conducted at the University of Cambridge, mothers who "connect" with their baby during pregnancy are more likely to interact in a more positive way with their infant after the child is born.

Researchers conducted a meta analysis, drawing data from 14 studies which observed over 1000 parents. Those that showed "a positive anticipation of their relationship with their child" continued to show sensitivity towards their little ones even after birth.

Research has also shown that a positive relationship with the baby in pregnancy is linked to healthy behaviour in pregnancy too – for example, thinking positively, giving up smoking or eating healthy.

Let your darling-boy & DH join in the fun talking to your pre-born baby. You'll see the bonding for the family once she's ready to join you guys after birth. Muster your inner self to be strong. To survive thro this low feeling. Not easy, but I'll be praying for you to overcome. Your boy needs a strong mummy to help him u'stand the beauty of you being a mother & birthing 妹妹 to u'stand how u birth him too! Lots of love fr your frd here. :love: :snuggles:

Joanne25
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Re: Favouritism

Post by Joanne25 » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:29 am

Estéema wrote:Hi worried_mummy02,

Finally setting aside time to share my journey with you. As I share with you now, I'm also very much going thro menopausal (don't know why still hv symptoms after >10 years) & watching my moods.

Years back, I went thro depression when I shouldered difficulties as sole-caregiver to my mum. That was my 1st depression exp at ard 30s. So, when I gave birth to my kids, I look fwd coz I wanna experience motherhood & share my love.

Post-natal just hit me & sent me spiral into depression & I cldnt really care for my baby tho I planned & shopped & read up everything. It was nothing to do with my babies. I was bored at home, having been a very active career person but having to give all that up. So maybe back in my mind I've the desire to give a lot type. To be holed up at home waiting for birthing was sth I didn't realised set me up for the depression.

I was constantly feeling like my MIL only cared for her new grandchild & DH only hv time for MIL & baby. All I needed was TLCs. Thankfully, he's very supportive & observant. He later brot me to the doc & bought me a spa package to do couple facial & massage. That, I believe all help me to get back to carrying my baby & helping with feeding & bedtime.

KEEP CHEERFUL & HAPPY

TBH, tho I love kids, we thot we cldnt conceive naturally & so looking back, maybe reason is similar in that I didn't expect my pregnancy. Maybe I was looking fwd to being a mother, so I kept myself active & cheerful so maybe I'm save fr pre-natal blues.

Keep cheerful & happy with your husband. Get yr MIL to help you out. Get your darling-boy to start his exciting journey having 妹妹 to help care for & the learning journey for him as a 哥哥. It is your greatest gift to yr son, money cannot buy! You're the only one who can provide that exp for him to learn to share things with - time, love & care. You can tell him he's helping you to nurture her so that 妹妹 can learn family habits & pattern fr, which u've taught him as 1st born. Listen to music with yr boy & tell him 妹妹 is listening & sharing that moment with you both.

When I had my boy, I involved my elder girl & let her know someone special to expect into the family & showed her over the waiting months how she was in my tummy when a baby. Imagine the thrill yr darling-boy will experience when yr daughter comes along. He'll be most grateful to you & be the soldier to protect both ladies in his life.

KEEP Yourself BUSY

I u'stand the emotions gets overwhelming as u're having a lot of uncertainties to face up with. It actually sounds good tt yr DH supportive of yr pregnancy. No matter what, try to keep going - don't think abt the gender of baby u're having. Just enjoy the process with yr darling-boy & hubby. Then tell these 2 young & old guard to help watch her when she's born & until u get over yr confinement with lots of strength & love for the whole family.

You know what, I mustered my strength just by getting my mind to think positive & I even went on to complete my masters degree. I kept going, no time to feel down. I told myself, don't allow anything or anyone to pull my thots down in self-pity, fear or immobiliz with weak thots.

Tell yourself what will u gain if u let go of this life? If u do, will u live to regret as it may haunt u back in yr mind. Wouldn't it be worst? If u allow yourself, then even if your son or yr hubby wants to help, they can't coz u hv to be the one resolved to let everything come back to life - Positive Life!

What's one desire you've been dreaming of doing but hv yet to achieve? Or what do u think can help u be happier with yourself - of course sth achievable that u can get busy & no time to let emotions bog u down with negative thinking.

You hv a lot inside you to offer to your family's happiness. I personally belief tt our human minds may think it's an accident, but someone up there gave you the greatest gift to complete your family. You may come to find yr darling-girl may become more adorable & a fast learner bcoz 哥哥 has been showing the ropes of life to her - just becoz you let him hv the chance to practice leadership fr home arrangement that u created! This is your gift of love for your son & then together your family share the gift of yr girl together & celebrate. No regrets.

As a mother, you'll find enuf love to give & wait till they return that love in kisses & hugs - fr both sides of yr :love: cheek! :love:

I do hope to get the chance to hear your celebration of birth with your DH & your darling-boy. You'll make a very glowing mother holding a boy & a girl :grphug: for family gatherings.
Hi Esteema! Thank you for all your advises here. You inspire me, keep inspiring people like me. :lovesite:

Estéema
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Re: Favouritism

Post by Estéema » Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:42 am

Thank you Joanne for reading & revived this thread.

Wonder how is worried_mummy02 & family are doing. She must be busy with her bundle of joy & her boy clammering for every chance to play big brother. Kids are such lovely creation. I’ve been stopping in all my trips out to chat up mummies with little kids. DH laughing at me so eager for grandkids? :laugh:

MrsKiasu
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Re: Favouritism

Post by MrsKiasu » Tue Dec 04, 2018 12:50 pm

For an impatient mom like me, I still find kids esp toddler such a joy..brought dds to playground and when dd2 led the younger kids to play together..aww, my mind was huh, like not too long ago, she was like one of them now like a da jiejie already..now enjoying another stage..see how they try to persuade us and giving all those reasons :lol: need to find cuteness at all stages.


pinkydot1984
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Re: Favouritism

Post by pinkydot1984 » Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:52 pm

We have 2 kids and make it a point to consciously not show or harbour any favouritism. Think this is one of the most impt factors of good sibling relationships.

Czeec80
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Re: Favouritism

Post by Czeec80 » Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:04 pm

Children are different. Treated as individuals in ways that respond to their needs, it's easier for children to believe you really appreciate them for who they are.

Estéema
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Re: Favouritism

Post by Estéema » Tue Apr 09, 2019 1:47 pm

MrsKiasu wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 12:50 pm
For an impatient mom like me, I still find kids esp toddler such a joy..brought dds to playground and when dd2 led the younger kids to play together..aww, my mind was huh, like not too long ago, she was like one of them now like a da jiejie already..now enjoying another stage..see how they try to persuade us and giving all those reasons :lol: need to find cuteness at all stages.
MKS,
Was thinking of you with yr 2 girls. I met so many kids in my recent Sakura trip - Sporeans, Japanese, HongKongers, Filipinos... Esp 2 cute Sporean girls on our flight & still watching in-flight movies reluctantly leaving the plane. But they’re still very cute to me as kids - loving fun & looked so cute with their ponytails & sweet pink clips. Hope u can give extra hugs to your 2 宝贝. :love: :snuggles: :love:

breatheandgrow
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Re: Favouritism

Post by breatheandgrow » Wed Sep 25, 2019 1:58 am

My mum told me that although everyone probably has their favourite, a mummy’s favourite child is a secret she must bring along with her to her coffin. So until today I have no idea who is my mum’s favourite or if she even has one. I take her as my role model and hope my own kids will never feel I have a favourite.

jliu76746
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Re: Favouritism

Post by jliu76746 » Fri Nov 15, 2019 6:16 pm

I have three siblings and I felt that I am the least loved by mom when we were still kids. That is why I am a daddy's girl because our dad never let me feel that he has a favorite on his children. I promised myself that if I will be having my own children I would never ever let them feel the same thing I felt with my mom. I am hoping that I am doing things right.

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