Can't control the temper

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Can't control the temper

Postby happyfather » Fri Sep 16, 2011 4:46 pm

Hi All,

Writing this subject in a heavily mood today. 2 weeks ago I accompanied my girlfriend (together abt 3 years) to buy a Ipad2 32 GB Wifi at SGD798 plus other accessories which comes up to be SGD900 (fully paid by me as it was meant to be a gift for her). But yesterday in a moment of anger after a heated argument, I smashed it against the wall and on top of that, use a hammer to smash the screen to make sure it is "dead" totally.

Whole thing arise beco of the stupid housework. Every Thursday we had an agreement to do housework together. But yesterday she teased me in the morning by telling me that she is going to work overtime, thus leaving me to struggle at home on the cleaning of the whole house. Well, that I can understand due to work requirement and I just left the house in the morning thinking that I can handle it alone in the evening. As I was very busy at work the whole day, I didn't message or IM her for any chat. Then when come to the evening, I didnt message her as thinking she could be staying overtime at work and could have consumed her dinner at her workplace. But when I reached home, I'm surprised that she has started doing the housework. But she is blacked-face to me, as she was thinking that I was angry with her that she is not coming home to do housework with me together and never a call or message from me (but I was really busy at work). I explained to her but she couldn't accept my explanation at all. Later when I run errand outside for a while and thinking that she has not taken her dinner, bought 20 pieces of satay and 1 rice plus desert for her to eat. But before I mentioned anything, she immediately said she dont want to eat when I told her I bought her some dinner. I started to get agitated, and thus dump all the food that I bought for her in the rubbish bin. Then as argument get heated up, I snatch the ipad on the table that I have bought for her and smash it against the wall causing it to be dented but still functioning. Subsequently I took out a hammer and smash the screen until it "die". I said she dun derserve this ipad beco she dun trust my word. This is not the first time we have all this small useless arguement but the fact that she feel insecure and always suspect (at times, she even jealous about my female colleagues when I mentioned things that happened at workplace).
Neverthless, she said she is moving out of my house in a week time and we broke off now. Sigh, hope it is over soon.
Last edited by happyfather on Sat Sep 17, 2011 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Posts: 30
Joined: Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:13 pm
Total Likes: 0

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby Chenonceau » Fri Sep 16, 2011 5:56 pm

It was sweet of you to go home early to do housework.

It was sweet of you to buy dinner.

Posts: 4872
Joined: Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:57 pm
Total Likes: 19

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby UncleLim » Fri Sep 16, 2011 7:43 pm

Sorry to hear all is not well.

Maybe you need to take some time to sit down and think through major issues in your life and your relationships.

Posts: 682
Joined: Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:47 am
Total Likes: 7

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby auntieM » Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:03 pm

Ready need to sit down and sort out your thoughts.. ...Perhaps you need professional help, if this temper of yours has been around..
Over an 'issue' like this.. smashed an object, a gift..
I would have packed and ran for my dear life in that situation.. ..before I get smashed too..
Sorry if this didn't sound good.. ..Juz my $0.02..

Posts: 3554
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:43 am
Total Likes: 2

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby markfch » Fri Sep 16, 2011 11:16 pm

I guess you just lost it for a moment. Some of us have moments like that too.

But in taking out the hammer, your action maybe miscontrued as something more cynical, which is not good for anyone.

Read somewhere that the part of the brain responsible for logic is slower than the part responsible for emotion, by 6 sec. So I try to count to 10 when I get angry.
User avatar
Posts: 2752
Joined: Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:07 am
Total Likes: 0

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby Strparent » Sat Sep 17, 2011 12:12 am

aptly said, markfch - we all have our moments :sweat:

insider wrote:
happyfather wrote:“Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2"

Anyway, it's good that you know you cannot control your temper. So, the next right thing to do is to learn how to control it... (coz if you don't, the fire may get bigger and bigger and then maybe one day out of control, you hit / hurt / harm someone whom you love at the fit of anger...)

I agree with insider, don't let it get worse. Do like what markfch said, count to 10 before reacting.

The key factor here ( as per topic heading ) should not about smashing the iPad ( which is just a 'thing' ), but the possibility of a rash act that may lead to losing a cherished person. :sad:

Clear your thoughts, and think carefully what is more important and try to be less impulsive.

btw, are u a father ( as per yr nick ) ? if so, I hope the child(ren) were not at home. :scared:

In my opinion hor, :duck: .....usually when women are angry, they have this ability to say or do something that transfer this same amount ( x2 ) of anger back to you :pokeeye: :pokeeye: .
However this possible scenario is easily extinguished if you do not react or say anything back immediately.

So, nowadays you see me smiling back or making a joke if this arrow is shot at me, and then the heated situation is usually defused quickly, especially when the kids also start laughing at the silly grin on my face
:siao: :laugh:

Posts: 709
Joined: Sat Aug 14, 2010 4:54 pm
Total Likes: 5

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby Haywiremom » Sat Sep 17, 2011 12:54 am

Looking at your last sentence, you seem can't wait to get over this relationship. It is natural a woman got jealous about own bf kept talking about other woman.

I wish you both have a happy ending. She really need yr attention & love while U seem neglected her.

U can keep changing girlfriend but watch out yr temper. Have a good rest & I meant well.

Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2011 12:21 am
Total Likes: 0

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby happyfather » Sat Sep 17, 2011 7:42 am

Hi all

Yes I have a 8 years old daughter (although not my biological daughter) but I love her very much like my own kid. She was trembling and crying when she hear us quarrel and smashing the iPad from her room. After the quarrel, I went into the room n see her crying, I know I made a mistake already by letting her know what was going on. She is afraid and crying. I quickly hug her n told her not to worry as we are not scolding her. But the first sentence she made is, "I don't want this type of life". Very sad on hearing it as she has been through this type of life during her biological father previously. Sigh... A mistake that parent should never quarrel with kid around. Anyway, guess I would still miss my little girl if she is taken away from me one day, afterall we joke and had fun with one another for almost four years together le. Not easy to build the trust initially when we stay together and she was very rude towards ppl at that times, but we manage to change her attitude and she is a good n sweet little girl nowadays. Sometime I wonder to myself, I love my little girl more than my girlfriend. I talk to my daughter more than my girlfriend, I kiss my daughter more than my gf ( but dun be mistaken, is a fatherly shown of love, not bgr type), is this normal? Ya, I admit I do not have good temper but I seldom throw things when I anger. The moment my gf said that I feel pain when I dump away the food,that even anger me more, thus I smash the favorite iPad to proof that she is wrong. I dun care how much it worth. As we quarrel every few mrhs over small thing, I m really tired and that why I ask for a quit on this relationship despite she promised me that she would change each time after her quarrel. But I think enough is enough, it is time for us to move on with our new life. The only person that I can't bear to part is cute daughter, guess there won't be any fun or joke after she left me.

Posts: 30
Joined: Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:13 pm
Total Likes: 0

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby verykiasu2010 » Sat Sep 17, 2011 9:11 am

if you quarrel over small things every few months, perhaps it is needful to think through why and resolve it

resolve could mean moving on, and you feel set free

but the "anger" part must be managed - is alright to seek professional help if needed. the "violence" must stop

anger-management is also part of personal well being
Posts: 11696
Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2010 11:06 pm
Total Likes: 2

Re: Can't control the temper, smash Ipad 2

Postby smartmummy » Sat Sep 17, 2011 9:24 am

Hi happyfather!

Everyone get angry like that is normal,but findout why she behaves like that.I always find the root of the problem.Then I keep in mind "ok next time I cannot make this fault again".So i can reduce this kind of situations.My DH doen't bother to findout the root of the problem and never think want to change of his behaviour.So I change myself.Always see the positive value of him.So I am happy.

I found a meaningful quote in the quote thread.

Beautiful Quote on anger

If you are right then there is no need to get angry
And if you are wrong then you don't have any right to get angry.

Patience with family is love,
Patience with others is respect,
Patience with self is confidence
Patience with GOD is faith.

Never Think Hard about PAST,
It brings Tears...
Don't Think more about FUTURE,
It brings Fears...
Live this Moment with a Smile,
It brings Cheers.!!!!

Every test in our life makes us bitter or better,
Every problem comes to make us or break us,
Choice is ours whether we become victim or victorious !!!

Search a beautiful heart not a beautiful face.
Beautiful things are not always good
but good things are always beautiful

Do you know, why God created gaps between fingers?
So that someone who is special to you,
comes and fills those gaps by holding your hands forever


In the early years of marriage life with my little one I got so angry and smashed my ironbox.My DH never help in housework or tookcare of the baby.When he around at home he was in the net or sleep.(Still he does the same but now can do a little help if he has time).That time I didn't know about stress and stress management.Then after a year I found first time mummies got stress.Then I realised why I got stress then and I found out how to destress.

Posts: 4952
Joined: Thu May 19, 2011 1:00 pm
Total Likes: 2


Return to Relationships