Who am I to my parents and my children?

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Postby Guest » Fri Apr 10, 2009 10:26 pm

Certainly religion has alot of impact on parenting style.
I am not a Buddhist but I do respect the religious teachings in Buddhism as it has many good explanations to many things unexplained.

For me, I just started using a Christianity prayer journal-style book to help my child develop her inner self and this is guided wisdom from God on parenting my child. I believe in awaking the spiritual part of a child to help them move along in their life.

I suppose the main difference is Buddhism believes in reincarnation and hence it explains a more complex form of relationship between parents and children.

Postby Guest » Sat Apr 11, 2009 11:34 am

:D yes truly whether buddhism or christianity, both teaches us to be at peace with ourselves and with others. You are right to say the enemies are put there for a purpose.... it's a good mirroring effect of the dark side of us which we should try to avoid as enemies often exhibit the worser side of themselves. :wink:

These are tough lessons to teach the children though.. :wink:

Re: Who am I to my parents and my children?

Postby ImMeeMee » Sun Apr 12, 2009 4:41 pm

insider wrote:I am a Buddhist.

There is a book that I will read and re-read many times to internalize my actual position as a child to my parents and as a parent to my children. Have been re-reading it recently after my dad passed away. After understanding the relationship (with full internalization which I am only at the beginning level), then everything will fall into place, be it that your parent is a murderer or if your child turns up to be a murderer (extreme case), you get to accept and forgive and live on without destroying anyone, incl yourself.

If you are a Buddhist and if you can read Chinese, this may be a good book to keep at home, especially if your child belongs to the defiant type. The book, if you can internalize its content (meaning can be enlightened in a way), can help you to live your life much easier. A lot of changes we want to see in our children have to begin with the step of we change ourselves first but unfortunately, we have blind spots that we can't see ourselves and keep thinking that we are Ok and the kids are rot (the kids may have the same thinking as us that we are rot and they are not).

As the content of the book delves into religion, I shall not elaborate much here to be sensitive to the non-Buddhists (though as a Buddhist, I am also open minded enough to read Bible coz just good to know more, esp my whole gang of close friends are all Catholics).

The Book:

父母恩重难报经 – 证严法师


I bought it from You Yi (友谊)bookstore some years back at about $10 (the bookstore may not be around anymore in Bras Basah. Not so sure as seldom visit there nowadays). I am particularly impressed by Chapter 2 of the book, 孝子与逆子的出生 (the birth of a filial or a non filial child), which after my ‘survey’, holds a lot of truth in it.

I use scientific theories, philosophical theories, religious teachings, others' experiences, etc, to formulate my own parenting style.

Insider, thanks for sharing. would like to get the book since I am currently experiencing some inner turmoil, and need some external guidance to get myself back on track. worth to get the book from the website that you have quoted?

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Re: Who am I to my parents and my children?

Postby ImMeeMee » Sun Apr 12, 2009 6:36 pm

insider wrote:
Dear ImMeeMee

If your turmoil is related to your relationship with your parents, parents-in-law or with your child/children, then this book may sort of help if you can read it with a calm and open mind. There are certain parts in the book that can put me to tears as they point out my own weaknesses, irresponsible behaviours, selfishness, etc, in certain decisions made in my life that had hurt the people whom love me. Therefore, I have to mend myself instead of hatching grudges against others unnecessarily (the moment you can realize that others may not be at wrong but actually you are, then things are easier to straighten out. By admitting so doesn’t mean to get you to engage yourself in self-blaming but rather, to see the whole picture and from there, not to repeat similar (不二过))。

That website is just a random one that I got to cut and paste here. Basically, I don’t trust China sales site. You may try at local Popular bookstore and those Chinese bookstore in Bras Basah first (can make tel call to them to check before going down to save the trouble).

PS: My psychological training is of a certain level (continuous since around age 35) and I read quite extensively on Buddhism and so I maybe able to get the meanings of preaching easier in a way. Wish you also can get some positive lessons from the book.

Best regards

dear insider, thanks for the review. will get it and read through anyway.


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Re: Who am I to my parents and my children?

Postby adhdadhd » Sun May 30, 2010 10:44 pm


I know a bookshop, which sell all kinds of Buddhist Books.


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Postby cnimed » Wed Dec 29, 2010 8:10 am

insider wrote:Just finished listening to this one and find it quite good.

My Taiwanese master preaches similar thing as her but more powerful than her. I am strongly influenced by his teaching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6P1N0zE7 ... re=related

It talks about we only live once in our life and we mustn't sacrifice ourselves for our kids, parents, spouse, whatsoever. Our duty is to live to our fullest (objective of being kind to ourselves and be happy) and then the others will all fall into place coz of the example that we set.

I didn't watch the video, but I'm starting to think that as well. As in leading a fulfilling and useful life instead of having my life revolve around them as a matter of discipline. I think it's better for them as well. :celebrate:
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