Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of house.

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Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of house.

Postby Lilac66 » Sat Nov 05, 2011 9:26 am

Need Advice here.

My friend has been very troubled lately . It seems that her father-in-law is about to be cheated of his house by a lady soon. (from China)

Her father-in-law is in his late 70s. His wife passed away last year and he seemed to be really filled with grief. Even though he used to give problems to the family, this time he got himself a part-time job to get over the grief. Alas, that was just short-lived. Recently, he decided to quit his job and claimed that the rental from his house that my friend's husband got him ($800 +$200 from children) is not enough. He was bugging the children for more.

He started to go to JB and did not mention about getting aquainted with a lady until it was found out by the children.He used to claim he would be meeting old friends there.

He then boldly introduced the woman as his girfriend and announced he would marry her soon, even though he was just got aquainted with her a few months ago. (She is an overstayer in JB)

Obviously the children know what the lady is up to as this old man is now the sole owner of an HDB flat which can be sold in a year's time. However, when the children warned him that it may be a scam, he turned a deaf year. Now the children are afraid that he may be conned of his house and savings , dumped by the lady and then he'll come back for the children to support him when he's penniless and sickly.

My friend is wondering if there is any way they can block the sale of the house when that day comes. Going through HDB has been fruitless as they are very rigid when it comes to bending the law for special cases. My friend's husband wanted to be included as ajoint owner and appealed to HDB through the MP, but HDB replied with answers like..." we are unable to waive the eligibility conditions for .....".

Any advice on how this problem can be solved is greatly appreciated. :?:

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Mdm Koh » Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:49 pm

I'll be frank here. Your friend's husband and his siblings (I presume?) give their dad $200 a month altogether. Does that mean each child only gives $100 a month or even less to the dad who raised them up?

It seems that they have been getting away with giving very little grocery money because the old man is independent. Now your friend's husband's sole aim in blocking the potential flat sale is to prevent his dad from being cheated, so that he will not have to be responsible for his dad's future needs and healthcare bills. :faint:

If I were the dad, I wouldn't be receptive too. I don't feel that your friend's husband is advising his dad out of love for or even duty towards his dad, but rather so that he can protect his own interests.

A win-win solution would be if your friend is willing to ask her DIL to move in with her family. Your friend's husband can appeal to the MP to let his dad let out his whole flat by citing his old age and health concerns. His dad can also get more income.

Old folks need love and companionship too. If this companionship is provided by their real families, fewer of them will fall prey to the unscrupulous ladies.
Last edited by Mdm Koh on Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Lilac66 » Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:17 pm

Thanks for your repy. But I think there's some misunderstanding here. As I know her family quite well, I can vouch for her husband's character.

First of all, the old man has $1000/mth to himself. (rental + allowance).If he has no rental, the children assured him they will still contribute at least $800 to him . Secondly, her father-in-law has not been taking care of the children since young, only her mum-in-law.

In fact before some years ago before her mum-in-law passed away, he had been harrassing for their old house to be sold so he could get some money. He left the family when the children were young because he had some money and then he disappeared to Thailand for 3 years, coming back only when his money was used up. His wife cried so much over this during that time. As for his old house, he was just a tenant in common, not a joint owner as his wife was afraid that he may squander away the money without any money to feed the children.

But for this new flat , she decided to include him as a joint owner thinking he has changed his ways. But history is going to repeat itself as the China lady has known him for only 3 months! And getting married only 10 months after his wife's death!

With a father like that, would anybody want him back? Even though now, the children have advised him against marrying the woman, and just spend his twilight years with the children and grandchildren, he refused to listen.

The children have been spending alot of time with him since his spouse passed away, yet this has to happen. Looks like a leopard never changes its spots.

Oh just to add, his youngest son offered to bring him over to stay with him, but he refused, saying he wants his freedom. Imagine that coming out of the mouth of a 70+ old man, he deserves respect?
Last edited by Lilac66 on Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Mdm Koh » Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:40 pm

Sorry if I have misunderstood. Does your friend's husband have any single and trustworthy relatives whom he can ask to take joint ownership of the house?

Beyond that, I think there's nothing much else that can be done. People reap what they sow. If it really comes to that (the dad gets cheated of all his money in his old age), I guess his children will have to support him. After all, bad dad or good dad, he's still their dad. Moreover, he's already in his late 70s.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Lilac66 » Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:46 pm

Thanks for taking the time to reply again. There's none as all the children are married and own houses of their own. I guess it's difficult to swallow as the dad has not done anything for the children at all. Yet after my friend's mum-in-law passes away, they took pity on him and tried to take care of him to ensure he can live his last years without any worries. Now they forsee he'll bring them trouble only in future, so they are really upset.

Time will tell if it really happens, the children will take pity on him again and look after him. But in the meantime, they are just wondering if there are ways to prevent him from being cheated.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Mdm Koh » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:36 pm

No prob. The co-owner doesn't have to be a child of the owner. He or she can also be a sibling. Another way is to find proof that the lady is out to cheat him.

Having to support a parent who didn't care for them is a bitter pill to swallow, but if your friend's husband and his siblings are willing to shoulder the burden despite their dad's failures, I think it would be a great thing and they would have peace of mind when the dad passes on.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Chenonceau » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:37 pm

The lady is an overstayer in JB?

(1) Then she is a fugitive from the law in JB. Is there any way to put KL police on her trail? To do this, you'll have to know her well enough to give accurate info to the police.

(2) In the event of a marriage, the authorities are unlikely to give her citizenship. Can you find out whether a foreigner can inherit an HDB property at all? If they do get married, I doubt the lady would consent to sell the flat and stay with any of her children... so the sale of the flat is likely to be postponed until he dies. In which case, I THINK (not sure) that the flat is likely to go to the children ONLY.

(3) The danger is if the lady FINDS OUT that she won't get the flat after the father dies. She might then push him to sell NOW and take his money. To prevent this, the family might wanna choose to allow the marriage to take place, encourage her to make that flat her matrimonial home... spend some money to send her back to China to renew her pass... (where she might stay for long periods because she doesn't really love the Dad) and let her keep on believing that she'll inherit the flat till the father dies.

(4) If the father has been faithless before, there is no reason to believe that he would be faithful to this woman with no status and no wealth. Perhaps the father is not really serious about marrying this gal and said so just to buy time (and more sex)... so stall the marriage. Blow hot... blow cold. Say yes... say no. Invite the lady over... consider a bit... stall one year, two years.... Faithless men already know how to do that. ya just gotta play along with the Dad.

(5) Stop giving any allowance for a few months (as a disciplinary measure) and see what happens. The lady may not be interested in the father if she finds out that he has very little money.

(6) Find out what makes the lady tick. Is it immediate money? Is it the flat she will inherit? Is it citizenship? To find out, ya gotta meet with her and get to know her without letting her know too much about you. The more you know, the wider the range of action you will have. The only way to get info is to be open to the idea for a while.

Basically, you need more info.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Lilac66 » Sat Nov 05, 2011 3:19 pm

Thanks for your suggestions.


1. She's a fugitive in JB, no doubt about that. However, according to one of their siblings, to settle the problem of overstaying is quite simple, esp with some under -table money.(If the Dad decides to do help her). They've explored this option.

2. Now the Dad is renting a place in JB with his "girlfriend", so I believe the plan is to sell the house when the 5 year time frame is up, and then they'll stay there or in China for good. Until of course, he gets dumped there. He has no intention of staying in Singapore with his children.
Once they are legally married (in China), his wife, the children presume ,will be made the co-owner of the house by way of the HDB rule. (will get them to chk it out again).

3.Spending some money to renew her pass seems a good idea , but if they are legally married and she's the co-owner, she may stay there until the Dad passes on, and she just comes back to inherit the house.

4, 6 seem pretty workable options. Especially if he's now like an infactuated teenager, the children will need to work on it to tell him "a better one may come along". Luckily the children are still on good terms with him even they were really mad when they heard about the impending marriage. I guess they also see the need to play along to fish out more info about the woman.

5. Now his son helps safeguard his rental and allowance, and gives him the $1000 every month (Seems that now he uses it all in 2 weeks), and there was tension when his son asked him about the high expenditure. His reply is that since he's the father, his son has no right to question how he spends his money. So even though it's an option they're exploring, they have to tread carefully as they don't want him to relate all these to the woman who may then instigate him to go against his children.


On a last note, he can't sell the flat until a year later.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby carebear » Sat Nov 05, 2011 3:41 pm

Ask him for a pre- nuptial agreement with his future wife.
If he refuses to have this arrangement, then stop all allowance to him.
If he complains he does not have enough, then suggest that he moves in with his kids and they provide him the daily needs.

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Re: Advice needed for an old man about to be cheated of hous

Postby Lilac66 » Sat Nov 05, 2011 4:12 pm

:thankyou:

My friend is very grateful for all the advice given. I told her that she may get more suggestions (some she may not even have thought of ) here. So do keep the ideas coming in if you have any, it's been most helpful.

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