KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

i have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. my husband often shouts at me (even for simple things, which doesnt really require such a scream). He often recall the past incidents and scolds me.. after hearing the continuous shouting for years i feel continuously nervous all throughout the day. i feel better for a while after i wake up, but again having the fear in me all the time..

i do not know whether i should see a doctor for this condition.. appreciate any suggestions on this..

It's really hard for outsider 3rd parties to suggest anything. But firstly, has he been like this all the while (even before marriage)? You mentioned the past incidents so what was it about that he can't unload? Does he treat everyone like this (e.g. other members of the family)?

Really hard to diagnose. Could be job stress, health issues, unresolved issues in the family. You gotta find a peaceful time to have a chat and hopefully work things out together. Otherwise it would likely aggravate.

Really sorry to hear about this. But I think he is the one who should go for counseling not you. It looks like he has an anger or rage problem and it results in you having to walk on eggshells all the time. People with such anger problems just lash out anytime and they are like bullies.

Perhaps you could see a marriage counsellor together or ask him to see a counsellor, if not, let him know you will not tolerate him doing this. I know it is very hard and much much easier said than done. Marriage is for better or worse but try your best to let him know he cannot treat you like this? One day, he may take it out on the kids too.

True. At time he does the same with the kids. but very rarely. i did mentioned to his family members, but they dont see this as a problem. but i'm afraid whether i'll get into other problems if i'm in this state of panic all the time.. the only time i'm bit ok is when i'm in office..but still most of the time i've the inner fear in me..

yes..he does the same right from the begining. but the frequency is lesser..ours is an arranged marriage. hence i dont know how is his behaviour earlier

now i'm in a state where i'm not able to tolerate any more.. i was thinking should i try reiki or ??..

bsk wrote:i have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. my husband often shouts at me (even for simple things, which doesnt really require such a scream). He often recall the past incidents and scolds me.. after hearing the continuous shouting for years i feel continuously nervous all throughout the day. i feel better for a while after i wake up, but again having the fear in me all the time..

i do not know whether i should see a doctor for this condition.. appreciate any suggestions on this..

do meditation.go brisk walking in the morning.Be positive.Talk to ur husband when he is in the coolmood.Express what are u suffering.
Find the love language of ur husband.There is a book love language for married life.
u have pm

bsk wrote:i have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids. my husband often shouts at me (even for simple things, which doesnt really require such a scream). He often recall the past incidents and scolds me.. after hearing the continuous shouting for years i feel continuously nervous all throughout the day. i feel better for a while after i wake up, but again having the fear in me all the time..

i do not know whether i should see a doctor for this condition.. appreciate any suggestions on this..

oh no. do communicate your feelings with him...

I am not sure how to live with a husband that creates fear in me.

Are you independent? Do you have immediate help when you need it? That would help to reduce the fear factor.

With counselling, they would also ask you to address your fear.

Come here to release your fear helps too.

I hope all works out fine with you and your husband. Take care.

please seek help before your kids get affected too by the feeling of fear,
insecurity and even anger surrounding the home, it's very unhealthy for
all of you.

You can try telling your husband:"Don't shout at me!" whenever he does that. I did that it to my husband when he shouted at me and now he don't shout at me anymore.
Good luck!