Growing old

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Growing old

Postby prancingpony » Fri May 25, 2012 10:46 am

I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!

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Re: Growing old

Postby Sun_2010 » Fri May 25, 2012 11:01 am

prancingpony wrote:I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!


:hugs:
try not to take it to heart. They can be immature at times, dont think what they are saying and may not realise the impact of the words.

At the same time make plans and efforts to be independent.
My advice would be the same even if your child declared he will take full care of you. At 15 , neither he nor you can visualize what, where and how things will be when he is 30-40. His priorities , his circumstances, his constraints - may not be easy to predict.

Try and be self suffcient. Filial piety is not as natural an instinct as parental love. Teaching values to our children is important but taking steps not to become a burden is also essential.

I like what my fav teacher ( a nun) used to say :
"Trust in God, but lock your door."

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Re: Growing old

Postby fightingmom » Fri May 25, 2012 11:04 am

Sun_2010 wrote:
prancingpony wrote:I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!


:hugs:
try not to take it to heart. They can be immature at times, dont think what they are saying and may not realise the impact of the words.

At the same time make plans and efforts to be independent.
My advice would be the same even if your child declared he will take full care of you. At 15 , neither he nor you can visualize what, where and how things will be when he is 30-40. His priorities , his circumstances, his constraints - may not be easy to predict.

Try and be self suffcient. Filial piety is not as natural an instinct as parental love. Teaching values to our children is important but taking steps not to become a burden is also essential.

I like what my fav teacher ( a nun) used to say :
"Trust in God, but lock your door."


:goodpost:

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Re: Growing old

Postby Nebbermind » Fri May 25, 2012 2:31 pm

For a long time, I took my parents n siblings for granted. Friends almost always come first.

It's only after my kids came about n being a parent myself that I really appreciated them. Thank God they are still around n I still have time to love them!

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Re: Growing old

Postby Eagle-Ladybird » Fri May 25, 2012 6:22 pm

prancingpony wrote:He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!


I think he's a smart man. Once married, wife comes first, ahead of mother unfortunately.

Don't get me wrong. We should always love our parents. But once married, we have to be very clear on our priority/loyalty. A line must be drawn and it must be FIRST to our own family.

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Re: Growing old

Postby cherrygal » Fri May 25, 2012 11:11 pm

So, if you wanna stay with the son, better be nicer to his wife... many old pple dun realise this and think it's a given that the son must take care of them. I dun expect my son to live with me when I'm old. It's more impt to be self-sufficient and not depend on anyone. In western societies, it's not a norm for parents to live with their kids.

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Re: Growing old

Postby dolphinsiah » Sun May 27, 2012 3:13 pm

prancingpony wrote:I asked my one and only 15 year old child/son whether he will take care of and live with me if I am alone. He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!



Welcome to the world of Y generation.... :rahrah:

Now you know why Couples rather to be DINKs then to have kids... :evil:

Cause kids are considered as Zero Rate of Investment.... :roll:

That is why is important that we have sufficient retirement funds for our golden years.... :nailbite:

To me don't have enough money :moneyflies: ...don't live to long to be a burden to your kids and society.... :scared:

This is a very cruel and realistic world..... :skeptical:

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Re: Growing old

Postby jedamum » Sun May 27, 2012 4:52 pm

Difference between having sons than daughters. Haiz. To counter this, treat your FDILs as your own daughters n you will gain more than you'll lose.

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Re: Growing old

Postby jedamum » Sun May 27, 2012 5:02 pm

Eagle-Ladybird wrote:
prancingpony wrote:He says see how and what his wife says!!!! My dh says he's too young and i should not be bothered by the answer!


I think he's a smart man. Once married, wife comes first, ahead of mother unfortunately.

Don't get me wrong. We should always love our parents. But once married, we have to be very clear on our priority/loyalty. A line must be drawn and it must be FIRST to our own family.
My husband does not put me nor his mum first in the presence of dispute. He puts himself first and got both of us to sort it out ourselves if we love him enough to settle on middle ground. With that, he exercises both filial piety n his responsibility as husband as he decides-sides on a case by case scenerio, as he knows any decision made will likely have 1 side happy n one side sore. So we ie his mum n me, takes turns feeling sore lor depending on his decision. He very pampered by us both. Lol.

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Re: Growing old

Postby hokkiengirl » Sun May 27, 2012 5:57 pm

Hi!

I think your son was caught off-guard and just gave a quick answer. I really do think he still does love you very much. Be that as it may, it may be a good idea to plan for old age without factoring living with him. I have 3 boys. I have told them repeatedly that a) I will not live with them and their wives when they grow up (2 women in the same kitchen? Cannot!!!!), b) I am going to be financially independent, c) I will not be giving them handouts (they will be on their own if they want to buy cars, etc). I think we will all be happier like that.

I think that too many people under the same roof can cause a lot of unnecessary conflict, and if there is friction between you and your future dil, it could get really ugly. This is especially if you are living in a small space. If it's a three-storey house and everyone has space to hide and there is domestic help to do all the pesky housework, then maybe you can consider living together. But, really, we should be celebrating our freedom in our silver years, rather than waiting for the kids to come home! :)

Having said that, I think that it is important that kids give their parents money every month. It's not so much the money. It's to remind our children that they have responsibilities and people 'depending' on them. A number of people I know (in their thirties) don't give money to their parents. Somehow, they tend to fritter their money away more easily and buy rubbish. For the record, for some of them, their parents still pay their bills????

I think that if we, as parents, let go, the children will naturally come back. Peace!

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