sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby decollette » Wed Aug 29, 2012 1:03 pm

Hi any sahms here with hubby often traveling for work? /outstationed?

I could find myself in that situation soon so I hope to get some views on this?

-How often does your hubby travel for work and whats the frequency that you find acceptable?

- How do you cope daily with the chores and caring for a young child/ or few children?

- What do you do to alleviate feelings of loneliness/boredom with being apart from your partner and being a stay at home mum?

- If you were previously working, what are the things to expect physically or emotionally when switching to being stay at home mum in this kinda situation?

Anything other things you would like to share here please do.. thanks in advance!

decollette
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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby cherrygal » Wed Aug 29, 2012 9:48 pm

I have friends who have husbands who either travel frequently (1 week per month) or are stationed overseas (2 years, returning once in 4 months or so).

What I learnt from the wives...

Marriage and trust must be strong. When alone, don't think of nonsense. Remember, he took the job for the greater good - more money for the family. It was a decision shared and accepted by both. If you cannot accept the job nature, you have the right to tell him to find another job. It is a joint decision.

Get a domestic helper and build a strong network of support. Send kids to childcare to get some breathing space. This is the only way you won't feel "abandoned" and end up resentful. This also allows you to meet up with friends and ex-colleagues when you need some grown up communication.

Have a fixed time for skype or phone communication with hubs every day.

I assume hubby is earning more due to this change so please spend on yourself and the children. Make yourself happy.

With regards to boredom, I doubt you will have any time left if you are looking after the kids yourself. For quiet nights, arm yourself with dramas or pick up a hobby like sewing.

For the last point abt switching to being sahm, I experienced that first-hand. Actually, as long as money is no issue, there's no change in lifestyle. In fact, I felt much better doing just the motherly duties and not having to worry about work or bosses. I also enjoy the free time when kids are in school and I go out almost every day. I could be watching a movie alone, shopping for shoes or just grocery shopping. All during non-peak hours!

OK, have fun, worry less.
Last edited by cherrygal on Wed Aug 29, 2012 9:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby Imami » Wed Aug 29, 2012 9:51 pm

decollette wrote:Hi any sahms here with hubby often traveling for work? /outstationed?
I could find myself in that situation soon so I hope to get some views on this?
-How often does your hubby travel for work and whats the frequency that you find acceptable?
- How do you cope daily with the chores and caring for a young child/ or few children?
- What do you do to alleviate feelings of loneliness/boredom with being apart from your partner and being a stay at home mum?
- If you were previously working, what are the things to expect physically or emotionally when switching to being stay at home mum in this kinda situation?
Anything other things you would like to share here please do.. thanks in advance!


Er... I ftwm but hubby travels often for work. Can chip in?

Imami
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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby slmkhoo » Wed Aug 29, 2012 10:32 pm

My 2 girls are now teens and my husband has stopped travelling much, but from about the time they were in kindy till last year, he was travelling about a week each month or two. That's not a lot compared to some, I know, but because we live overseas and don't have family support, it could be a bit trying.

When they were smaller (up to mid-Pr), I had a daily helper (Mon-Fri). Our arrangement was that when my husband was away, she would be available for evenings and weekends if need be. I very rarely had to ask her to come, but it was good to know that I had some backup. Chores have never really been an issue when I had the helper, and after we stopped having one, I just spread out the chores through the week and got the girls to help more. In any case, my husband doesn't do that much housework so I'm used to doing most of it myself anyway. It's good to be self-reliant, and my husband was happy that he didn't have to worry too much about us when he was away.

I'm quite happy to read and sew, and would be occupied with kids when they were home from school. If I felt the need to talk to an adult, I had friends I could meet for lunch/tea etc, and if my husband was away over a weekend, we would go to someone's house and hang out for a few hours.

I have been a SAHM so long I can't remember the transition from working to SAHM.

slmkhoo
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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby decollette » Thu Aug 30, 2012 12:33 pm

Thanks cherrygal, that was very helpful.

I do trust my husband, just dreading the weekends without him when we get family time together.

I used to fly, so Im pretty independant, or so I would like to think.. haha.

And yeah I have one kid who is in half day childcare, so I have time for a breather.. and my mum who is retired who can help out at times when i need to meet friends for a cuppa or ktv.
Actually Im now working part time mornings in office environment, which is good for me.. for the adult interaction etc.. but of cos u know how kids need to be away from childcare due to sickness, childcare closures and my leave alone cant possibly be sufficient.Also, will be comfortable with hubby's income to do away with the part time income.. so i guess i will be sahm soon.

Would be grateful if I can get to know some mummies to meet up for playdates, chit chat sessions etc.. I have an only child and its a little lonely to bring him to waterplay parks alone, which he enjoys!




cherrygal wrote:I have friends who have husbands who either travel frequently (1 week per month) or are stationed overseas (2 years, returning once in 4 months or so).

What I learnt from the wives...

Marriage and trust must be strong. When alone, don't think of nonsense. Remember, he took the job for the greater good - more money for the family. It was a decision shared and accepted by both. If you cannot accept the job nature, you have the right to tell him to find another job. It is a joint decision.

Get a domestic helper and build a strong network of support. Send kids to childcare to get some breathing space. This is the only way you won't feel "abandoned" and end up resentful. This also allows you to meet up with friends and ex-colleagues when you need some grown up communication.

Have a fixed time for skype or phone communication with hubs every day.

I assume hubby is earning more due to this change so please spend on yourself and the children. Make yourself happy.

With regards to boredom, I doubt you will have any time left if you are looking after the kids yourself. For quiet nights, arm yourself with dramas or pick up a hobby like sewing.

For the last point abt switching to being sahm, I experienced that first-hand. Actually, as long as money is no issue, there's no change in lifestyle. In fact, I felt much better doing just the motherly duties and not having to worry about work or bosses. I also enjoy the free time when kids are in school and I go out almost every day. I could be watching a movie alone, shopping for shoes or just grocery shopping. All during non-peak hours!

OK, have fun, worry less.

decollette
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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby decollette » Thu Aug 30, 2012 12:35 pm

Imami wrote:
decollette wrote:Hi any sahms here with hubby often traveling for work? /outstationed?
I could find myself in that situation soon so I hope to get some views on this?
-How often does your hubby travel for work and whats the frequency that you find acceptable?
- How do you cope daily with the chores and caring for a young child/ or few children?
- What do you do to alleviate feelings of loneliness/boredom with being apart from your partner and being a stay at home mum?
- If you were previously working, what are the things to expect physically or emotionally when switching to being stay at home mum in this kinda situation?
Anything other things you would like to share here please do.. thanks in advance!


Er... I ftwm but hubby travels often for work. Can chip in?


Hello there imami!

decollette
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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby decollette » Thu Aug 30, 2012 12:39 pm

slmkhoo wrote:My 2 girls are now teens and my husband has stopped travelling much, but from about the time they were in kindy till last year, he was travelling about a week each month or two. That's not a lot compared to some, I know, but because we live overseas and don't have family support, it could be a bit trying.

When they were smaller (up to mid-Pr), I had a daily helper (Mon-Fri). Our arrangement was that when my husband was away, she would be available for evenings and weekends if need be. I very rarely had to ask her to come, but it was good to know that I had some backup. Chores have never really been an issue when I had the helper, and after we stopped having one, I just spread out the chores through the week and got the girls to help more. In any case, my husband doesn't do that much housework so I'm used to doing most of it myself anyway. It's good to be self-reliant, and my husband was happy that he didn't have to worry too much about us when he was away.

I'm quite happy to read and sew, and would be occupied with kids when they were home from school. If I felt the need to talk to an adult, I had friends I could meet for lunch/tea etc, and if my husband was away over a weekend, we would go to someone's house and hang out for a few hours.

I have been a SAHM so long I can't remember the transition from working to SAHM.



I was also thinking about getting a helper, but a part time one to do the major cleaning, but I will see how it goes. Its rewarding being a sahm.. i was for some time when my son was born till he goes to half day care. But we have to keep ourselves occupied too doing the things we enjoy.

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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby straffan23 » Thu Aug 30, 2012 12:55 pm

JTS: I find that the most important thing about being a SAHM is to remember these:

1. You are a SAHM - not necessarily the mom, maid, cook, babysitter, wife, etc all put together. Prioritise where possible, outsource where possible. Need to find a balance.

2. Maintain meaningful personal life with friends, ex-colleagues, etc. Do things you never got to do when working - pick up that long neglected project, hobby, interest, etc. Social wellbeing is important.

3. You are still your husband's wife, friend and lover; hence the importance of 1 & 2 so that you are not dependent on your husband's time and attention; and you have interesting and varied topics for conversation as a couple, something outside the expected topics like children and all children-related matters.

I share these based on some recent chats with a guy friend, whose wife is a SAHM. He worries how his wife became anti-social, drives the children mad (then complain to him no end!!), and whatever spare time is always spent watching TV dramas, cleaning, cleaning, complaining, complaining....

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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby LOLMum » Thu Aug 30, 2012 1:26 pm

Sahm (especially those who are maidless n hubby always not around) cannot afford to get sick.

I got food poisoning once n luckily I have siblings to take care of my 2 kids.

Once, I got to send ds to a&e in the middle of the nite (spent a few hrs there) n left my older child alone at home.

One of the advantages is I got to make my own decision for all issues.
Disadvantage is got to get used to living with Hin when he is back. :shrug:

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Re: sahms with hubby often traveling for work

Postby twinkletoes » Thu Aug 30, 2012 7:08 pm

Ditto what most have said here. DH has taken on a new job which requires a bit of traveling but it hasn't kicked off yet. We lived overseas and with his old job, he traveled 2-5 days per month. Sometimes a week. That went on for over 5 years. I found it quite lonely in the evenings (we share parenting duties) and even harder to cope on weekends with 2 kids. I could just about manage a trip to the supermarket and that was it. But it is an integral part of his career and that is the reason I am a SAHM.

Traveling for work is similar to working long hours. It takes its toll on both partners but you must make the effort to reconnect. DH called in the evenings to chat with us. Even if it was for 5 mins, it meant something. I trust him 100% & vice versa. We are each other's best friends. The downside is when the travelling drags on, you feel like a single parent and there are days when the going gets tough. And being sick is not an option but it does happen! Having said that, I also look forward to evenings without him to watch chick flicks on dvds, read and catch up on my personal stuff.

Tbh, I find housework most challenging so that is still work in progress. We went from having a full-time helper, to a part-timer and now, it's down to me! I used to be able to multi-task at work but it doesn't seem to work at home, lol! My kids are still young but they're independent so that helps a bit. HTH x

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