KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!

I need advice... im married for 5 years with 2 boys age 3 and 4. Ever since i had my 1st boy born out, whateva i do.. my hubby will find fault with me. Why do i always be the one care n bother about kids and family things when he only find fault in me?
Buy food, the seller mever put chilli when i said i want chilli, my fault.
When q-ing for food, i reaponse slow, im timid and useless.
When i got bullied by workplace people, i brainless.
When bring kids out, kids fall down, im blind.
When he promise to go out with kids and back out. Im selfish.
When i want to go out eat with friends, im money spender.
When he put words into my mouth, i face other side, im playing mind games and i need to watch out.
Is there a need to push me to e end?
How i wish i can earn more money! So i can bring my sons for enrichment course!!!!
Just enquiries ffom sch for some helps, im wearing big hat with no brain.
I just feel so tired!!!!

Calm bunnievivi,

You talk over with hubby how you feel?
pick a right time without the kids around ....

He is probably upset with himself, his work, his other grievances etc.... you may not be the cause. But you are the closest one that he can vent out to...

Be patient with him, he needs your guidance to ease...

Men are inferior to women when comes to sorting out their emotional struggles, they feel it but can't find an effective way to pour out... it become tantrums.... which in turn, women perceived as being unreasonable or he-doesn't-love-me-anymore...

Golden rule: Whatever women is good at, men are nought... (LOL!)

Whatever we are, they are just exactly the opposite.... apply this into every thought you have for him....

Men have difficulty managing their emotions.... as simple as women would like to think...
but emotion like sadness, anger, frustration, feeling lousy, helpless, solitary and being let down.... is not easy for them to put down in words....

In our world, men have to upheld to certain expectations, they judge themselves, and they come down hard on themselves... it's much more than we women can ever understand....

I know of relatives who act like that, and as a man I can tell you that some men act like that towards their wives or kids because of inferiority complex. That means most likely at workplace or his own family he was looked down upon or considered underperforming. Therefore he criticized things that you do because it made him feel superior to you. There is also a good chance that your inlaws had the same problem as children often emulate how their parents act towards each other. Men crave respect and ego trip. If they cannot get it from other people, they may resort to putting down other people to feel good about themselves.

What I suggest you can do is to try to make your husband feels more respected. When you ask him to do something such as buying dinner back or fixing the lightbulb, praise him at his resourcefullness and skill. And hopefully he will reprocicate your respect to him. Do discuss with him if there's any issues bugging him now, but be kind and understanding towards it.

Yes I agreed with Dreamaurora.

Men want respect and feel respected. Not that we women don't need but men really needs more of it.

I always praise my hubby whenever I have the chance. Also, I call him "boss" or "一家之主. He will reciprocate and do the same to me. At least, he treats me the same when he felt that he was being loved and respected by me and our son.

Don't go overboard or say things you don't mean because he will realise it. But where you can compliment, do so honestly, and especially do it in front of your kids. That will also build your kids' respect for their father.