Spending time with your parents or in-laws

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Do you visit yr parents/parents-in-law on weekends?

Poll ended at Sat Nov 14, 2009 2:59 pm

Yes - Every weekend without fail, come rain, shine or hailstones!
23
66%
Yes - Every fortnightly, we're too busy
5
14%
No - We're way too busy and it's too inconvenient. So special occasions only
6
17%
No - Not applicable
1
3%
 
Total votes : 35

Spending time with your parents or in-laws

Postby acforfamily » Thu Jul 16, 2009 11:35 am

[Editor's note: Topic selected for Portal publication.]

Original Title: Spending time with your parents

Having just read a forum thread about how we manage our time, I wonder how many of us actually spend enough time with our parents / elders.

In our daily madness rushing about, we have to split our time between our children, our spouse and our parents. I would dare say that we would spend the least time with our parents.

Recently, I came across a short video on youtube which is about a father and son's conversation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNK6h1dfy2o
This is a touching video which reminds us to spend time with our parents and to love them while they are still around.

acforfamily
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Re: Spending time with your parents

Postby jedamum » Thu Jul 16, 2009 11:54 am

acforfamily wrote:In our daily madness rushing about, we have to split our time between our children, our spouse and our parents.

Yes; with the limited time at hand, some times gonna caught up in the dilemma of 'being a good parent and a good child - which comes first?'

i do ensure that i do a weekly visit (even during SAs time) and husband has been very understanding cos it means cutting down on family time.

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Postby Funz » Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:06 pm

I will park myself at my parents' every Saturday. My niece and nephew will be there as well so additional playmates for the kiddos and they look forward to it every week. And a few times a year, my parents will stay over at my place or my sister's so that they have more time with the grankids. Me and my older sis also try to make is a point to go for at least 1 holiday with our parents every year. Need not be long haul trips to far places, even a driving trip to desaru or a long weekend at bintan will do. But at least it is a holiday with our parents.

With my ILs, well slightly different story cos they are not a very close knit family. And DH prefers to play a passive role. He will not initiate meeting up with them but if they request, he will not say no.

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Re: Spending time with your parents

Postby ZacK » Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:25 pm

acforfamily wrote:Having just read a forum thread about how we manage our time, I wonder how many of us actually spend enough time with our parents / elders.

In our daily madness rushing about, we have to split our time between our children, our spouse and our parents. I would dare say that we would spend the least time with our parents.

Recently, I came across a short video on youtube which is about a father and son's conversation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNK6h1dfy2o
This is a touching video which reminds us to spend time with our parents and to love them while they are still around.


Thanks for the video link... I saw this when I was at Vivo at one of the shop selling a shoulder massage thing during Father's Day. I was standing outside the shop and kept watching the video repeat over and over again... I was really touched by the video, still am touched by it now as I watch it again :love:

ZacK
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Re: Spending time with your parents

Postby RRMummy » Thu Jul 16, 2009 1:24 pm

acforfamily wrote:Recently, I came across a short video on youtube which is about a father and son's conversation.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNK6h1dfy2o


Thank you, acforfamily, indeed very touching..

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Postby sleepy » Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:13 pm

I'm very touched !

I live a stone throw away from my parents so they see me so very often :D

sleepy
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Postby EN » Thu Jul 16, 2009 2:38 pm

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I’m a working mum and it is definitely not easy to cut the balance time between assisting my children with school work, have leisure for myself, for my spouse and be there for my parents. My parents are not the kind that dictates that you must visit weekly or call daily. They are undemanding and understand that their daughters are busy managing work and family. Early this year, my father was still working past the age of 60 and my mum happily retired, now a homemaker, looking after my kids (age 10 and 8). My parents insisted to stay on their own so I sent my kids daily in the afternoon after school and I will fetch my kids daily in the evening. We will meet up occasionally for dinner or when there are birthday/anniversary occasion that we will celebrate together.
But suddenly last month, my father was not able to continue his work contract and he found himself jobless. Again my parents did not signal the need for us to spend more time with them. But my thoughtful dd daily updates me, voicing out her concern as my father falls into deep depression.
We tried to draw him out by visiting him daily, bringing him food, bringing him out but he spend the whole time sleeping and loses a lot of weight due to his lack of appetite. This continues for two weeks.
I guess he must be worried about living expenses as his retirement saving is quite meager compared to the current cost of living. Together with my sister, we talk it out and try to help out with their living expenses. I do remember too having such a good time with my grandmother playing, studying and doing things with her. I suggested to my kids to do the same things too. I seek my father’s helped to assist my kids with their spiritual development (religious study). In doing so, I make him feels useful and the outcome is he attack the assignment with vigor. He immediately went out to buy stationeries, two small white boards, blank books and the necessary reference materials that is needed for his teaching.
Once in a while on weekdays, as my office is just 5 minutes drive from their place, I will alert my mum that I will have lunch at their place. That makes my parents happy and my father will shop for fresh ingredients from the market and my mum will then cook my favorite food.
On a weekly basis, I take turns with my sister to bring my parents out or invite them over for dinner followed by a movie.
The next plan in tow will be to have a barbecue & sleep over at a chalet end of the year and bringing my parents to China to visit their grand niece.
I am glad to say that we as a family have successfully pulled out my father from depression. For my case, it’s just not the amount of time spend with them but the quality time, taking care of their worries and trying to find activities that will make them happy. Every little effort from each one of us (my kids, my dh, my sister’s family) that setting aside time to spend quality time with my parents is but an effortless task.

EN
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Postby RRMummy » Thu Jul 16, 2009 3:34 pm

WOW EN, you and your sis have done your parents proud! :ugogirl:

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Circle of life

Postby buds » Fri Jul 17, 2009 8:57 am

Heyya EN, our small gestures to show our parents we care about
them rubs off on our children. Hence, our children are also exposed
to filial piety and caring for the elderly (especially for sickly elders).

I watched how my grandpa showered his wife..... cooked and fed
her..... read to her..... on a daily basis. Then, my dad took over
when we came over, so his dad could take a break. And as a
young adult then, i thought hey, i could do this too! And so those
days i could pop over to my grandparents' place over lunch or after
work, i will take over grandpa's duties and let him have a breather.

He put me under "L" plate first... supervised... (well, naturally he
had to... because grandma had partial stroke and was bedridden,
we would need to wheel her everywhere in that small flat and she
needed lifting up to move her anywhere. Grandma wasn't exactly
a small frame... so it was quite challenging...) then later on, when
grandpa saw all is done he would leave the house to do marketing,
catch up with frenz or just for time to enjoy a nice cuppa at the usual
market coffee shop on his own while i keep grandma company either
watching Chinese operas, casual chatting (mostly about her life and
bringing up her children) or get me to read to her (cause she couldn't
see very well).

I knew deep inside grandpa appreciated it, tho he didn't spell it out loud.
When he prepares to leave the house to run his errands the following
times i arrive at his place, i knew he trusted me enough to me to care
for grandma on my own. And that alone was satisfying enough. :wink:

He will come back and whip up a feast for us... And i'll go home to
convey regards from them to my parents. I knew that my dad was
secretly proud of me for that. :wink: But like his dad, he doesn't say
it out loud. :wink:

Close kinship brings family closer together in times of happiness or
hardship.... It lightens loads as there are more hands to go work
around stuff and for financial issues too. It's a circle of life we have
here........ When we were born and growing up, no matter now little
our folks had, with no matter how many mouths to feed... they try
their very best to provide for their brood.

Now as parents ourselves, we too experience the same circle. We're
prepared to do anything for our children so as to give them a good life
and nowadays more and more parents are working very hard to provide
a good head start from infancy to pre-school programmes and even at
high cost, if it works... we'll try to get our kids to be enrolled as well. We
try to give them the best nutritious food, the best environment... the best
of everything that we can give.

One day, we'll be old and frail..... will we know how our children will care
for us? Will we know whether they will be filial? Will we know whether
they will look out for us? As parents love unconditionally, there is
no issue of expecting anything in return. Even if one does expect,
when one is old and frail, how to force upon that? That's the reason
why many invest in a retirement nest to cope for the silver age...
Just in case.. :lol:

But if we model positive attitude to our children on filial piety and
teaching them to be compassionate people through their growing
years, it will pave them to be better people...

Helping our elderly parents cope with life is OUR responsibility to uphold
for all those years they have spent raising us. I see no two ways about it.

So even i wasn't close with my ILs, as we're living under the same roof...
i care for them as i would my own. Think of it this way, I wouldn't have
a life with DH if not for them.. :wink: I do wish i could care for my own
parents too, if i could. But as a wife, we go where husbands go.. We
stay where our husbands stay... So if the time should come for me
to fully care for mine, i hope I too would get DH's support. :hugs:

buds
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Re: Circle of life

Postby RRMummy » Fri Jul 17, 2009 9:10 am

buds wrote:Heyya EN, our small gestures to show our parents we care about them rubs off on our children...


Good morning, buds. :goodpost: :love:

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