KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

What do you guys think of the definition of friendship?

I always thought different people having different characters, hence all friends are different.

Boy!! I was so wrong. When you thought this person is your trusted friend, it turn out doesn't so.

Had these bad experience recently.

No 1 - very nice to me, but back stabbed me at the back. Had ulterior motives all these while treating me very nice. All along silly me, never know till now.

No 2 - chose to vent her displease openly via FaceBook (though without spelling names, but those who are in the picture knew), despite knowing how hard and desperate (even had to ask her kids to pass messages) I tried to explain my point to her (which was different from how she posted on Facebook). All these over people whom she only met in real life recently. Refuse to accept all my explanations via SMS, and subsequently remove me from her FaceBook list, after the venting was done. And to think we were friends for so long, sharing and helping each other out along the way.

Which one do you guys think it's worst? I chose no 2, simply because it was done in a distasteful, openly and abrupt manner, without allowing the chance to hear the other of the story. And make it to a complete dead end between us, when this simple issue could be settle privately like the past.

Sigh!! Received two tight slaps for so call close friends. I am now no longer believing in this thing call friendship. Because despite all effort you put in, it might not be recriporate.

Hi, I can empathise with the hurt you've experienced. For the 2 cases you've shared, both are quite terrible & I'm not sure if No. 1 is any better.

Like you, I've my fair share of betrayals from friends/colleagues too. Some will pander to you when there are benefits to be gained but usually time will tell who are the scheming ones. Just be on your guard, don't trust these fair weather friends completely. It's painful when they turn their backs against you & the hurt lingers for a long time after the episode ends. Till today, I still cringe whenever I recall those incidents.

Both No 1 and No 2 are equally bad

I too have my fair share of bad friendships. The person whom I trusted and treated like a real sister did something really really hurtful to me.

Since to them I am not their friend, why should I treat them any better?

There are real friends around but I just keep my heart closed.

It's not worth the hurt, I just focus my energies and thoughts on my kids.

Sometimes it's better to only have hi-bye friends since if you don't open your heart they won't be able to hurt you and you will also take their friendship with a pinch of salt.

But of course there are real people who have real hearts and feelings and once you have their friendship, you are blessed.

Hope you will find the real friendship someday
Peace be to all

I had bad experience too. A close friend since secondary school whom we celebrated each other birthdays every year. I offer her my emotional support during her divorce, lend her money, someone whom I view as a 100% trusted friend.

Yet she gone around passing untrue rumours about me. Seriously, with a friend like that, who needs an enemy?

I didn't confront her. We just drifted apart after I seen through her. Sad.

Maybe I am wrong, and I am not trying to be sexist here (I'm a female by the way). But it seems usually women friendships have more problems than the guys one.

I saw my guys buddies are still as close as always.

cfan - I agree with the hi bye and close heart thing.

My DH was telling me friends are just passer by taking the mrt with you, and will alight at certain stops. The one who will complete the mrt ride with you
is your spouse, and they (spouse) is the most important than any other friends.

august_star

It's not whether you are a guy or a gal
It just boils down to what are your beliefs and how you treat others

If you and that friend has the right beliefs, than it's a blessing
But if the two of you has fundamentals in the wrong direction, than you know it won't do

Lucky for you (your DH is your good friend), I like the analogy about MRT.... ha ha

Cheers
Don't waste the effort or time on those who does not care for you
Spend your time and effort on those whom/who is more deserving.

Peace to all

It's not easy to find true friends especially in the work place. Friends made during schooling days hardly keep in contact these days. Have drifted apart for so many reasons

Anyway, hi-bye also not bad...at least won't get hurt. Yes, if DH is a supportive spouse & soulmate, it's a real blessing. Of course there's always DD to make my day.

My feeling is that friends come and go. I wonder whether there is such thing as eternal friendship. Because if there is any conflict of interest or sometimes even conflicts in words, friends can drift apart. Even friends that are for many years.

I also realise that it is more difficult to make friends these days. It is merely hi-bye friends.

It may also be difficult to maintain friendship because we might be lazy/busy to call. I have someone that I regard as close friend but she very very seldom will call me up, not even sms. She is so passive that sometimes I feel like giving up this kind of friendship.

This thread brought back memories of betrayal and .. ..
It seems to always come to the 'compare' stage, and is tough to handle among a group of friends...be it 'better off' or 'just okay'...Fallouts and backstabbing will just slowly kill the feel.. Very tiring process..
I treasure the few kakis I have.. ..

FairyPenguin wrote:It's not easy to find true friends especially in the work place. Friends made during schooling days hardly keep in contact these days. Have drifted apart for so many reasons

Anyway, hi-bye also not bad...at least won't get hurt. Yes, if DH is a supportive spouse & soulmate, it's a real blessing. Of course there's always DD to make my day.

It's not easy to find true friends...I've encountered enough back-stabbing.
Some friends made during school days have drifted apart bcos of our different family commitments...that led to different 'frequencies' since I have kids and they do not/or else late.
Hubby can be our soulmate and friend since we are always together...so we should always cherish and maintain marital relationship even though we have kids...do not wait till kids leave the nest to rekindle...it's too late.