Move in with MIL?

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Move in with MIL?

Postby mummychua » Mon Dec 03, 2012 10:47 am

Recently me and DH are seriously considering if we should move in with his mother, for convenience. DH just change job and his office is just 3 bus stop away from his mother place. My office is not too far away. DD will be attending kiddy just downstairs from her grandmother flat. MIL stays in the west while we stay in northeast.

it's obvious that we should move back to the west but getting another place is out of question due to the high property price. we had considered renting but it seems silly in financial point of view as we had a place available foc to us.

but the idea of moving in with my mil is a bit :siao: . my relationship with my mil is peaceful on surface. but i cant stand her mannerism and she cant stand my. very often i will complain to my dh about his mother, my way to release my frustration toward mil.

should i give up my freedom for convenience? but getting out of my house by 7am everyday, drive to west, and another trip back at night, reach hm ard 8pm can be quite tiring for us, esp for dd. she's getting alot less sleep now. :idea: anyone?

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby jedamum » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:10 pm

You complain to dh about mil,what are his reactions?
You need to let mil know that you are only like renting from her rather than staying with her. It is difficult to move back out later if you choose to stay with her now. If you are renting out your flat, it makes sense that you pay market rate to your mil so that she will not consider you as a free loader.

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby Coolkidsrock2 » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:16 pm

jedamum wrote:You complain to dh about mil,what are his reactions?
You need to let mil know that you are only like renting from her rather than staying with her. It is difficult to move back out later if you choose to stay with her now. If you are renting out your flat, it makes sense that you pay market rate to your mil so that she will not consider you as a free loader.


Totally agree.

Sometimes it is also difficult even if you pay market rate. A boarder will still have to abide by the landlord's house rules.

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby SAHM_TAN » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:18 pm

Did your mil suggest for the family to move into her house?

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby Mawar » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:28 pm

You may gain time and convenience, but you will lose your own freedom. Running a nuclear family unit to staying in an extended family is totally new ball game. From the mistress and owner of your own abode, you will be reduced to a tenant under another's roof.

So weigh your decision carefully. Especially when you already have misgivings about habits and mannerisms. Those two habits never change.

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby straffan23 » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:29 pm

I have seen very good MIL/DIL relationship... but it takes two of a kind to make this work. Without prejudice... I'd like to remind you that living together will intensify flaws in any relationship... regardless of whether you are paying full rent or just a free lodger. Instead of moving in altogether, maybe you could consider sleepover a few times a week for a start?

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby mummychua » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:31 pm

actually we just helped her to pay off her hdb loan. plus we pay for her conservation fee and water electric bill every month. so far from being a free loader.

It is difficult to move back out later if you choose to stay with her now.


i tok about this too. that's why im in a dilemma. but in future, one day when she's so old that really need someone to stay with her, we will probably be the family she's staying with. coz she closer to dh than her younger son.

Did your mil suggest for the family to move into her house?


no she didn't. she wont dare to suggest for us to move to her place. she's very scare of her dear son, my dh. it's my dh that suggest this. that's obvious advantage for him/us moving back with his mother. but it's just a suggestion from him, he will still respect my decision.

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby SAHM_TAN » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:35 pm

If your mil is afraid of your dh does that mean she has no say in the matter? Meaning if she prefers to stay alone, she will still accept the new arrangement. ? Just trying to understand the dynamics.

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby mummychua » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:38 pm

i stayed with her for the 1st year of my marriage. i know how restricted i felt during that period. she always seems to be spying on us. it is especially uncomfortable for us when we are doing *aham* or when we are have argument.

but of course now we have a kid to keep her entertained, so maybe she wont be so bothered with us.

if we will to have another kid, the need for us to move near her will increase.

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Re: Move in with MIL?

Postby mummychua » Mon Dec 03, 2012 12:40 pm

SAHM_TAN wrote:If your mil is afraid of your dh does that mean she has no say in the matter? Meaning if she prefers to stay alone, she will still accept the new arrangement. ? Just trying to understand the dynamics.


she will love to have us back at her house. she lives alone, not much friends or relatives. so she can be quite bored at times.

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