Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

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Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby candy_floss » Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:55 pm

I am keen in the above, but both my kids are under joint custody. I am considering changing their surname to my future spouse. What happens if my ex do not agree ? I believe consent on his part is mandatory...

Anyone had experience before ?

candy_floss
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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby hercules » Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:19 pm

share with you experiences of the people around me:

one is remarried then change surname of child from first marriage. then she divorced again. then change the child's surname to hers. Currently child is already 21 years old. A lost child. Ran away from home and cohibiting with her boyfriend. Can see a lot of hurts and resentment in her and this change-here-change-there surname issue maybe one of the reasons.

the other one is mother remarried but she followed her mum's surname. The stepfather treated her very well, supported her from 2 years old till she finished her masters in Australia. She is doing very well now at age 30s. Before she married, she requested her stepdad whether she could change her surname to his and he gladly agreed. She is very filial to her stepdad.

following whose surname is not so important and so i dont really see the need to change. dont confuse the child who is no position to say anything if he is young by any probable wrong decision that an adult may make. If really need to change, change to yours to play safe!

hercules
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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby Canvas » Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:07 pm

Joint custody is abit more complicated especially if you are still getting child maintenance from the ex husband. Sole custody then no problem. There was a legal case about a father who had been paying mthly maintenance but found out years later that the child's surname was changed by the ex wife. In the end the court ordered that the child continued to take the changed surname since he he had already been using it for a few years and would be confused if he had to change it back. However after that case another new rule was passed down....for legal adoption (not deed poll), unless the other parent has passed away, if not their approval is compulsory.

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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby Nebbermind » Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:23 am

It'll be very UGLY if I'm ever in this situation and my wife does that to me!! :torchme:

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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby candy_floss » Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:07 pm

Thank for the kind replies :) Yup, my concern is also like most of you here-whether it will confuse my kids or not. Now that they are both in pri & sec sch respectively. They are ok with the idea, but I highly doubt that my ex will agree. :roll:

My spouse-to-be is rather serious on the idea of them following his surname and is also willing to legally adopt them, and suggesting sole custody, even though it means lost of child maintenance. But my worry is still the same, it still need my ex consent right ? We are not in talking terms, only my kids does that occasionally. He sees them once every 3 months on average for dinner. He is never interested in their life and well being at all.

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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby rains » Wed Feb 06, 2013 7:38 pm

At least he maintains the children. So many men out there refuse to maintain their kids or default on their maintenance. You would be exasperated if he wants to see the kids 3 times a week or wants them to stay overnight at his place. I think it's more important that kids' lives are not constantly disrupted.

Is your would-be spouse ready to support the two kids after you lose the maintenance? It sounds easy but to have two immediate cash-outs suddenly and constantly could take a toll on your relationship. I may have digressed but money is a very real issue which many underestimated.

rains
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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby pirate » Wed Feb 06, 2013 8:51 pm

candy_floss wrote:My spouse-to-be is rather serious on the idea of them following his surname and is also willing to legally adopt them, and suggesting sole custody, even though it means lost of child maintenance. But my worry is still the same, it still need my ex consent right ? We are not in talking terms, only my kids does that occasionally. He sees them once every 3 months on average for dinner. He is never interested in their life and well being at all.

Yes, you do. Fathers have parental rights too. That's why in this case the court ordered joint custody. You can't just "buy" over that right by giving up child maintenance without his agreement.

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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby hercules » Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:02 pm

It sets me thinking on the reasons of why people want to change children's surname after they get remarried. (I tend to think the main reason for the change is to 'retaliate' against ex spouse most of the time.)

Such change benefits the adults or benefits the children or benefits everyone?

Such change makes it convenient for the adults or for the kids or for the family as a whole?

If don't change will be inconvenienced and probably bring embarrassment or?

Can someone pls enlighten me what are the benefits of having a surname change and who are benefiting from such a change?

A surname is such an important thing for Chinese (and perhaps other races too). Must weigh carefully before making the move.

If I were the ex-spouse, I will be agreeable to let my ex-spouse change to avoid any ugly fighting that may hurt the children.

If I were the one who intends to change, then i will drop the idea completely if I have a feeling that my ex will disagree and probably will kick up a big fuss that may hurt the children. My new spouse will not have much say in this matter as he may not know the complexity involved in the change completely as I do.

Children's feelings must be given the topmost considerations, never about the mum or about the dad or about the stepparent in this kind of divorced family cases.

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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby Imami » Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:11 am

If I were to divorce, then remarry and want to change my child's surname to my new spouse's surname, it would be because I hope to hide the fact that my new husband is not the biological father of my child. I think when the child is still young, there will be many situations where you need parents' consent, signature information etc. Even in wedding invitation cards.

I once received a wedding invitation in which the bride's father is of a different surname from the bride. The awkward moment came when someone pointed it out, thinking that it was a typo.

But then again, changing surnames are just formality. What is in substance is more important - whether the new father and child have really bonded.

Imami
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Re: Anyone changed surname for their kids after divorce

Postby crony.in.ksp » Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:28 am

Whatever surname you change the children's to, one of these days when they are old enough to seek their own root, they will most likely change it back to his / hers original biological surname

Changing surname really is merely cosmetic and for the convenience of and camouflage by the parents and step parents. Nobody can hide the truths.

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