KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

I would like to hear you guys opinion.

Recently i was in hospital for a surgery. The surgery was for gynecology reason. I worked in a small firm and i should say i have very few office colleagues. There are 2 office colleagues - one in the same dept but we are just hi-bye colleague and she is extremely private person (very passive). The other colleague even though in another dept but we r closer as we do chat.

During my 3days in the hospital, none of my colleague or friends come n visit me. it thus makes me wonder whether i am so unpopular, my 人缘 is so bad or basically these days 人情薄。

I remember last year when i visit a ex-colleague in hospital, she told me that none of her friend or colleague visit her. Even her own brother did not come. She sadly conclude that relationship between friends are without bonding.

I dare say that i treat people with sincerity but i realize it is hard to find people with the same sentiments.

Hi xueyan,

I hope you are feeling better now, both physically and emotionally.

I am not sure what is the exact reason why nobody visit u during your stay, but I feel that it is a mix of reasons. 人情薄 and 欠人缘 are two of them, but maybe not in the way we usually think. perhaps these people place a higher priority in other aspect of their lives. Perhaps that 3 days window is not a good reflection of how they view you and their relationship with u. They could be really occupied or stretched during that 3 days.

人与人之间的感情是很微妙的 . 三言两语说不完。

I had a bad delivery and stayed in the hospital for longer than most new mums. One of my brother only came to visit me on the day I was due to check out of the hospital. If I were to base on how soon/frequent my loved one's visit me as a gauge of how impt I am to them or how "deep" our relationship is, then I am quite sure this bro "rank" me very low. Even my sil (this brother's wife), dragged till her husband is available then come along together. This sil is someone who sort of 看着我长大. To this day, I have not asked them," oi， 为什么这样久才来？＂ as I reasoned that the few days of window period should not be a fair gauge of how much they love me.

How well we treat other people usually does not equate to how well people treat us. And I think it will always be a heartache for me if I expect people to reciprocate exactly the way I treat them.

Dear Imami

Many thanks for your encouraging words. I guess i really have to 看得开 and not be calculative. I am also taking this to do some soul searching on my character and personality. I have always wonder why some people (like my sil) can have very good 人缘。 And i always wish that i could be like this.

p/s i have been reading your posts in the thread 桃花谈 and i have learnt a lot from your posts. Thanks very much!

I hope you are feeling better xueyan.

Don't take this too hard. You may not be the problem. Maybe there is no prob at all (at your end). Take for instance, I have this colleague who just gave birth. Ok, not "just" already as she gave birth in nov

I visited her during her confinement and in that visit, I told her to just call me if she need someone to talk to and I would visit her when I can. But hor, it's already mar (a few months already) and I still didn't get a chance to visit her. To be fair to myself, I drop everything and return her call immediately one day when she text me. We chatted for close to 2 hrs.

So if she were to judge me by what I said, she would hv been upset right? Cos I didn't visit her as I said earlier. But the truth is, I have other commitments which I place on a higher priority. Nothing to with how much I value her as a friend.

Ah, you read my posts there, and I assume you would also hv read other folks' posts. 希望你和我一样获益不浅.

I don't like people to visit me when I am in hospital - very ugly without makeup and no mood to entertain. I'd ask them not to come. Likewise I won't visit them unless it is family. I'll send flowers instead

Hi,

Don't feel sad. I admit that I seldom visit my colleague in hospital especially if it is a short one because I can only available on a Friday night. The rest of the week I will be busy with my kids enrichment.

So if my colleague / friend / relative admitted and discharged within my free "Friday" time, I wouldn't be able to visit him / her. I didn't visit them, not because I dislike them.

Some of my colleagues told me that they prefer no one visit them after a surgery because that is the time where they are haggard and tired. :p So they don't like people to see them in ugly shape.

Your colleague may have their reason. I doubt is because you are unpopular. Don't because of this 伤了身. Not worthwhile.

Hope you are feeling better now. 身体健康。

sometimes its pretty hard to make it within visiting hours and these people may have families and commitments of their own

but it's also good to do unto others what you would like done for yourself

so if colleague or friend is in hosp, can consider asking if it is good to go or not


my friend whose wife delivered their first child told us to 'not' go to hosp (too many relatives going already) but rather wait for the 1st month gathering instead where he, his wife and baby look better and are less tired

sometimes life is like that one la.... friends disappoint you and friends surprise you...

xueyan,
don't feel sad.人和人相处,有时候 是 看缘份.

I was with a company for abt 10yrs,not very closed wf colleagues too.

Then i went to another company,找到许多colleagues which share common views n interests wf me.Was very happy n looked forward to go to work everyday.

如果没有期待,就不需要失望.

When i was in trouble,some frds called up just to find out what's going on.

Some others are genuine and they are always on your side during desperate moments. They do everything to ensure that you're okay. I mean they're there during your happy and down fall moments.

Thanks all for your kind words. I am feeling much better now!

人情薄。。。This is my opinion, no one take you as his true friend if you don't have what he need. If some one think you don't have something that is better than him, he will not look up to you.So, don't bother you with these question, be happy, just know what have happened, but never think too much and be unhappy. They are not important,am I right?