KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

Hi, any one here is a weekend parents? Do you often hear alot of criticism saying that you are not a good parent? And do people doubt your ability to care for your child and don't think it is possible to have bond with your child?

My parents were weekend parents until I started kindergarten (4/5years old) but they were happy n I'm happy with my grandma n aunties who dotes on me n my sisters. Try to get children to stay with u once they go to pri sch as they r old enough to ask why papa mummy don't stay with them n they r also not too difficult to take care of by that age.

I intend to b weekend parent to my second baby until she's old enough to go Childcare or kindergarten coz not easy to handle my toddler n newborn at the same time...

natgoh wrote:Hi, any one here is a weekend parents? Do you often hear alot of criticism saying that you are not a good parent? And do people doubt your ability to care for your child and don't think it is possible to have bond with your child?

I am not a weekend parent. But I do know of parents who were not weekend parents and they didn't care for their children well too.

I believe what is important is that we have brought up our children well with the right values, manners and proper behavior. Respect for people and other people's feeling and property are high on my value chain, and One do not need to be a full time parent to do these.

It pains me to see children (as well as parents) who are very self-centered and thinks the world owes them a living. Parents who allow their young charge to do anything as they please and do not know how to discipline them. If you (not referring to the thread starter here) are a weekend parent and you allow these to happen then yes, you have answered your own question.

Yes, for my DH & me, we believe that its quality and not quantity that counts. Living with the child doesnt equate to having more time with them or understand them more and doesnt live with child also do not means that we do not spend enough time with our child. But very sadly, there are many people that will stereotype us and worse still, some will say we are having such a "good" life. Others will give us those looks as if we are shrinking from our responsibilities or we are selfish.

I do admit I have more "me" time but we made it a point that weekends are only for family and we give all we can to spend quantity & quality time during weekends and weekdays will be filled with calls or facetime etc. We also keep track of what is happening in school or at home and teaches our child homework during weekends. We will also explain to our child why we are having such a situation and also discipline and teach her the right values.So, i do not see myself as irresponsible as weekdays are spent working hard to provide the best for our child.

I am just upset that some people especially some women, they can be quite harsh with their words and start with the mother instinct talks to me and start behaving like they are more superior in terms of being a mother whereas weekend moms are just people that are selfish and irresponsible.

Sorry for the long post as I just need an avenue to rant off. Please do not take offence if my postings are not to your liking.

I'm not weekend parent, but I also don't think there's a one size fits all method. I would not have left my child with my parents or in-laws primarily because their way of raising kids is different from mine so I would not be comfortable with them being primary caregiver. I also wouldn't want to be angry with them or unhappy about the way my child is behaving. We do, however, leave my son with his grandparents every Sunday from about 8 til 4ish. DH and I take this time to go for yoga and pak tor, and ds gets to bond with his grandparents.

I was a weekend parent with kiddos until they were about 2yrs old. They were cared for by my parents. I would love to have them with me everyday and be there to see every smile and hear every gurgle and word they utter but I was working and my work requires me to travel and so did DH's. My schedule was hectic and my kid will have to follow my schedule. I'd rather they have a fixed routine than follow my crazy timing. I've heard comments about how I was not willing to wake up early to send kiddos to my mum's or head to my mum's to pick them up everyday. Truth is I am up early way earlier than I need to in order to get to work in time. I did not want to do that as I find that it is more disruptive for the kid. Waking them up getting them into the car just to drop them off and letting them sleep later just so I can bring them home, for what, so that I can satisfy my nurturing needs? Is that for me or for them? With my parents they are well cared for, no lack of love. I see them everyday and put them to bed before I head home myself. Oh yes, I wish they could be with me, especially when I have to get up in the middle of the night or early morning to express. But to me that arrangement I had was ideal. So when people start commenting, I just tell them I am not them and they are not me. Stop imposing.

I am not very maternal so I used to envy my colleagues who were weekend parents!

But my mom made it look like a lot of trouble to watch the grandkids so I didn't dare to impose on her. For my first kid, I was so stressed up rushing from home to her place, then to work. And in the evenings, I would also rush to her place to pick him up then cook dinner some more.

For the second kid, mom was kinder (coz my bro already moved out with his family) so she allowed my whole family to move into her house. Less stress ferrying around but we still had to watch the kids ourselves every day once we are home. We also had to return to our own home in the weekends to allow my mom to recharge.

I am still very thankful to my parents even though I didn't get to be a weekend parent. But if I had strong, healthy and willing parents, I would rather be a weekend parent. In my case, I couldn't become one coz my parents are quite old and it would be plain mean to impose my kids on them.

So my advice to you is not to worry about criticisms from others but rather to consider whether your parents' health can take it. 24hrsx5days for old people is no joke.

My youngest SIL just delivered her first child, the first grandson in her hubby's family and her hubby is the only son.

I heard from MIL that SIL's MIL is unwilling to move into their house to look after the baby after the maternity leave is used up.

At present, SIL n hubby lives in the central, her MIL lives in the East, her workplace is in the central, her hubby works in the West.

I thought their initial plan to drive to the east to leave the baby with the grandma, then drive back to central, then west to work kinda of tiring.

Hope they can come up with a better arrangement.

We were weekend parents till our kids proceed to P1. Hub was uncomfortable with employing a maid and also prefered they were handled by his trusted parents.

Our home (North East), workplace (West) and in-law's place (Central) were all far apart ... in summary, we worked it out in a way that we had dinner daily with kids at in-laws place rain or shine. It was playtime for us as a family after dinner till about 8.30pm (in-laws will take a break during this period). Friday nights will be pick up and they will spend the whole weekend with us till Sunday night. There were no sending of enrichment for them during the 6 years too so they solely spent time with us. Hope this helps

Jennifer wrote:My youngest SIL just delivered her first child, the first grandson in her hubby's family and her hubby is the only son.

I heard from MIL that SIL's MIL is unwilling to move into their house to look after the baby after the maternity leave is used up.

At present, SIL n hubby lives in the central, her MIL lives in the East, her workplace is in the central, her hubby works in the West.

I thought their initial plan to drive to the east to leave the baby with the grandma, then drive back to central, then west to work kinda of tiring.

Hope they can come up with a better arrangement.

I did that for 6 years. Yes its tiring but its better than having the old folks making changes (which is tougher). Parents '辛苦' a bit its okay. The toughest was when my eldest was in P1 and the youngest still in K2. We made extra trips for that year to fetch him from his Pri Sch daily back to visit his brother (his PS is at our home area) who was waiting for him at in-law's place as they have been together at that home for 6 years playing. When eldest were schooling in PS, youngest got pretty lonely.