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How to keep a marriage strong?

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby janet88 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 10:27 am

starlight1968sg wrote:Janet
I admit am a 黄脸婆
I ensure am financial independent

you are working, so how 黄脸婆 can you be?
i share the same belief as you...have a retirement plan so as not to stress the kids. my belief is they should take a study loan so that they are responsible to pay back and not job hop easily. like what you mentioned, there is a study loan but there isn't a retirement loan...but that stick in the mud wants to pay for kids' further education which i object.

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby starlight1968sg » Fri Dec 08, 2017 12:44 pm

Janet
Men and women are just wired differently
Asked dh to check his eyes etc; he just ignored/delayed
Aren’t we in the same boat and does he think I want him to sink alone?

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby janet88 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:48 pm

starlight1968sg wrote:Janet
Men and women are just wired differently
Asked dh to check his eyes etc; he just ignored/delayed
Aren’t we in the same boat and does he think I want him to sink alone?

Starlight,
You're so right!!! frankly i wonder if his brain wires are slow to detect or are we women tuned too sensitively?
if he sinks, we all sink. would i want this boat to sink? of course not...which wife will be so stupid?

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby janet88 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:32 am

i think this would be a more appropriate thread to discuss marital stuff.
honestly i think i am equally stressed though i'm at home...buyer delaying and everything else is delayed, rebellious daughter, renovation headache and worry if my temporary loan will be approved.

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby slmkhoo » Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:49 am

janet88 wrote:i think this would be a more appropriate thread to discuss marital stuff.
honestly i think i am equally stressed though i'm at home...buyer delaying and everything else is delayed, rebellious daughter, renovation headache and worry if my temporary loan will be approved.

I'm sure you are equally stressed, so you are probably also more sensitive at this time. Recognising that both of you are under stress is half the battle. My husband and I have also been through times of upheaval and uncertainty, and we found that we reacted differently to stress, and that we were also more sensitive when the other reacted differently from us. A lot of understanding and give-and-take is required. Just keep reminding yourself that he also has the family's best interests at heart, and that he is as anxious as you, even if he displays it differently from you.

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby janet88 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 11:09 am

i am expressive in terms of emotions. so if i flare, i really do. my hubby will let me blast and he will then find ways to try and solve. i've been handling domestic at home but leave the finance to him although we keep each other in the loop. even as i'm getting ideas for reno, i show him pics for his opinions. when we quarrel, i make sure i don't fight a losing battle but that doesn't mean i'm unreasonable :wink:

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby jho48109 » Tue Mar 27, 2018 12:59 pm

Remind your partner (and yourself) that you appreciate them! After you’ve been married for many, many years, that passionate kiss when your partner walks in the door can easily morph into a peck on the check that can then morph into an inability even to look up from your computer. Over the course of my 20-year marriage, there are times when I’ve felt my own husband and I were starting to become so familiar with each other that we were settling into a stultifying — albeit comfortable — routine. But there’s a real danger in that. Studies show that nearly half of men who have cheated say it was because of emotional dissatisfaction — and not sex. When men don’t feel connected or appreciated by their wives, they are vulnerable to the advances of any attractive woman who casts a lustful glance their way. And fellows, it works the other way as well.

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby janet88 » Tue Mar 27, 2018 1:22 pm

basic courtesy like please and thank you...but rare occasions will I say sorry :razz:
handling finance, coaching math and science, packing, killing cockroaches :rotflmao: not my strong areas.

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby randwick » Tue Mar 27, 2018 3:14 pm

jho48109 wrote:Remind your partner (and yourself) that you appreciate them! After you’ve been married for many, many years, that passionate kiss when your partner walks in the door can easily morph into a peck on the check that can then morph into an inability even to look up from your computer. Over the course of my 20-year marriage, there are times when I’ve felt my own husband and I were starting to become so familiar with each other that we were settling into a stultifying — albeit comfortable — routine. But there’s a real danger in that. Studies show that nearly half of men who have cheated say it was because of emotional dissatisfaction — and not sex. When men don’t feel connected or appreciated by their wives, they are vulnerable to the advances of any attractive woman who casts a lustful glance their way. And fellows, it works the other way as well.


Agree. But generally speaking, it is usually the wives that don't feel appreciated by their husbands, especially when the kids have grown up. After all, women tend to put on more hats than men nowadays. The bonding and communication tend to go towards the children first and husbands second priority when the kids are young. Many men lose out as women forge deep bond with the kids. And as the children become more and more independent, women switch their focus and demand more attention from the husbands. By this stage however, women tend to feel that their husband no longer can understand them as before.

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Re: How to keep a marriage strong?

Postby janet88 » Wed Mar 28, 2018 11:32 am

randwick wrote:Agree. But generally speaking, it is usually the wives that don't feel appreciated by their husbands, especially when the kids have grown up. After all, women tend to put on more hats than men nowadays. The bonding and communication tend to go towards the children first and husbands second priority when the kids are young. Many men lose out as women forge deep bond with the kids. And as the children become more and more independent, women switch their focus and demand more attention from the husbands. By this stage however, women tend to feel that their husband no longer can understand them as before.

for one, try to look presentable and not have an 'aunty look'. when the men go to the office and their female colleagues look and smell good but return home to see a wife who looks terrible, they may not say it but deep inside they will not like it.

my focus is definitely towards the children. however, I try to communicate as much as possible with hubby.

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