KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

I have been married for 13 years and in the mist of divorce due to HB's adultery. I came to know his EMA last year and it has been a year and I am still not able to get over it. He has committed so many mistakes and yet in my heart I am still willingly to forgive him. I tried to communicate to him but he refused to mend his way and continue to hurt. He is now enjoying his vacation with his gf and I am suffering from depression. There have been a lot of negative thoughts from me recently......from ending my life or just missing but I have 2 kids to take care.

Pls, tell me what to do........

I've 2 friends who were in a similar situation as you.

One day the HB just called it quits because of EMA. Although it was difficult, she was strong for her 2 kids. Without a father around in the house, the kids need the mother more.

You have to be strong for your kids. Why dwell in depression while your HB is enjoying himself? Your kids need you and if you are not there for them, growing up years will be difficult. Like you mentioned, you have 2 kids to take care. They are really important to you, so think for your 2 kids.

If you are currently working, continue working. Occupy yourself.

See a lawyer too to better understand your rights, etc.

One friend is still in the midst of divorce proceedings. The other one has gone through it 20 years ago. She is doing well now even without HB and her children have grown up to be fine young ppl.

Be strong and press on.

depressed_mum,

Your children need you so please remember that.

Pray to God to give you strength to pass this difficult situation. This is a very difficult time for you but it will pass. It definitely will.

Your husband is currently blinded by his gf. It is hard to shake him out of it. How is your relationship with his family? Have you asked them to talk sense to your husband? If nobody can change his mind, I think you have to move on for the sake of your children. Get a good lawyer and fight for your and your children's rights. Although now you still love him, time will heal your pain.

Please be strong.

Hi Depressed_mum,

Yes, stay strong.
Think that "不选我是你的损失“， time will heal the pain.
Its not right to see you depressed when he is enjoying himself.
Put down some of you burden and join some refreshment courses to pass time.
加油！show him/小三your smile

塞翁失马 焉知非福....

人生路说长不长，说短也不短.... 来日方长，记得要活得比他更好！

Hi Depress Mum

You have to stay strong becos of your kids. W/O you what do you think they will become.

I dun think their father will takecare of them. Mum is ALWAY the BEST in the Kids life.

I know is hard for you now to come to term of your husband unfaithfulness but you must remember you are also a MUM.

Look at your kids and ask yourself how will they be w/o you.

Stay Strong for yourself n your kids.

Hi Depressed Mum

I have friends who have gone thru divorce because of spouse's EMA. It was painful for them initially but they forced themselves to move on. Today, one of them is blissfully married, the other two actually felt happier (more peaceful) being on their own with their kids. So time does heal.

The sooner you accept that your spouse is not going to change and to start making plans for your own life/kids, you should feel better with time. Get the support of close friends/ relatives/counsellor/church. Talk to them and go out with them even if you don't feel like doing it. They can help 'distract' you from your unhappiness and add some joy. It makes the journey less lonely and easier to move on. You can also take up some exercise or join some hobby classes to make more friends. Bring your kids out and learn to enjoy yourselves without him.

The journey may be difficult but you have to be strong (for yourself and kids) and keep moving on. Bad times do not last forever. Please take care.

Stay strong for your children's sake...
Move on though it's difficult....Keep yourself occupy so that you will not think abt your spouse...Spend time with your kids and enjoy every moment of it
Sometimes we are better off without a partner than having someone who is there but do nothing and keep hurting you...
Cheers to you and I hope you will pass this difficult phase soon...

Hugs to you!

Accept that things will change. The faster you accept, the better you can take control of the bad situation.

Sort out the finances. Living arrangements and expenses.

Tell the children things will change, and not all changes are bad. Tell them there will be a period of adjustment but you will all be alright.

Remain strong..Remove the negative thoughts.. It's not going to do you any good..
Show him that you can be happier and more fulfilled without him..
Step out in confidence.. Things may change but you will overcome it and emerge as a stronger person..

Jia you!