Relationship with Father

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Relationship with Father

Postby Moist » Wed Oct 16, 2013 6:33 pm

Hi,

My dad is a businessman and he is 70+. He has been doing business for many many years and at his age, he refuses to retire. He has an old lady employee with him for many years (around his age)and this lady employee treat herself like the lady boss in the company. She comes to the office at 12 noon, accompany my dad to lunch and returns at 4pm (FETCH HOME BY MY DAD EVERDAY!). These few years, the business has not been doing good but still going on. The lady is lazy to think of ways to improve the business but still refuse to resign. Of course, if I was her, I do not want to quit too (where to get so relaxing job). I am a housewife for many years and these few years, I have been wondering going back to work bcos my DH has not been doing well in his business too. As I am not in the workforce for almost 10+ years, frankly speaking, I do not have the courage to re-enter outside working environment. I approached my dad and asked him to employ me as a part time in his company (own company better to start off), but he rejected! He is afraid that I will know the relationship between him and that lady employee. Neither does she have any computer knowledge nor knows how to type! (They are still using writing on papers and speaking mandarin in the Company). I am very upset with him as I am his daughter and at this stage, I need him to support me with my finance situation but he refuse to allow me to go to his Company! I related to him that since the Company is not doing well, why not I go to help him as I was working as an assistant secretary before I quit my job to look after my kid. I have computer knowledge and I can speak and write English. He is adamant and I am real upset and angry at his decision. I know it is wrong to get angry with your own dad but with this situation, I really cannot help myself!

Moist
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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby jetsetter » Wed Oct 16, 2013 10:19 pm

Moist wrote:Hi,

My dad is a businessman and he is 70+. He has been doing business for many many years and at his age, he refuses to retire. He has an old lady employee with him for many years (around his age)and this lady employee treat herself like the lady boss in the company. She comes to the office at 12 noon, accompany my dad to lunch and returns at 4pm (FETCH HOME BY MY DAD EVERDAY!). These few years, the business has not been doing good but still going on. The lady is lazy to think of ways to improve the business but still refuse to resign. Of course, if I was her, I do not want to quit too (where to get so relaxing job). I am a housewife for many years and these few years, I have been wondering going back to work bcos my DH has not been doing well in his business too. As I am not in the workforce for almost 10+ years, frankly speaking, I do not have the courage to re-enter outside working environment. I approached my dad and asked him to employ me as a part time in his company (own company better to start off), but he rejected! He is afraid that I will know the relationship between him and that lady employee. Neither does she have any computer knowledge nor knows how to type! (They are still using writing on papers and speaking mandarin in the Company). I am very upset with him as I am his daughter and at this stage, I need him to support me with my finance situation but he refuse to allow me to go to his Company! I related to him that since the Company is not doing well, why not I go to help him as I was working as an assistant secretary before I quit my job to look after my kid. I have computer knowledge and I can speak and write English. He is adamant and I am real upset and angry at his decision. I know it is wrong to get angry with your own dad but with this situation, I really cannot help myself!



    Your dad is in his 70s and u still need him to support you financially?
    Where's your mom?
    Do you hv brother(s)?

jetsetter
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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby Moist » Thu Oct 17, 2013 2:30 pm

Actually I am not asking him to support me financially. His business is only making money just to pay the employees and rental expenses, or worse, from his own saving! I am just asking him to let me go into his company to help him improve the business and at the same time use the salary that he pays for that lady to pay me, or maybe with salary that is lesser than that stupid lady! I have a brother and a sister (both working). They have suggested to join me to help my father too, but my this stubborn father doesn't want us to take over! I'm afraid one day, all his saving will be all gone to pay for his business expenses!

Moist
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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby grumpyoldman » Fri Oct 18, 2013 8:41 am

Moist wrote:Hi,

My dad is a businessman and he is 70+. ......

....These few years, the business has not been doing good .....

....I need him to support me with my finance situation but he refuse ...



agreed with jetsetter

It is your dad's call what he wants to do with his money. It is his money.

Family ties are more important than money. Don't spoilt the relationship over $$. If you really need him to help you financially, be open and he would probably do so, after all you are his DD.

grumpyoldman
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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby jetsetter » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:13 am

Moist wrote:Actually I am not asking him to support me financially. His business is only making money just to pay the employees and rental expenses, or worse, from his own saving! I am just asking him to let me go into his company to help him improve the business and at the same time use the salary that he pays for that lady to pay me, or maybe with salary that is lesser than that stupid lady! I have a brother and a sister (both working). They have suggested to join me to help my father too, but my this stubborn father doesn't want us to take over! I'm afraid one day, all his saving will be all gone to pay for his business expenses!



OIC...maybe you hvn't proven to him that you can do it, cos you've been out of the workforce for over 10 years. Don't be too pushy. How abt offering some constructive biz innovation ideas over dinner? Suggest some govt productivity and innovation grants that SMEs like his can tap on, or automation he can leverage on; basically just convince him that you are not out of touch and just as capable, etc. To show your sincerity, maybe take a part-time course that is relevant to his biz. Otherwise, in his mind, you're the DD that knows zilch.

Next, u already know he is trying to shield his loyal employee from you, so all the more you shouldn't be too hostile towards this 'soft spot' of his. Be chummy with her when you meet her. Embrace her as whom she is (meaning 'the other woman'). Show some gratitude; after all, she's a long-service employee in your family biz. Who knows, maybe after she realises you're an open-minded DD (meaning you must 'open 1 eye/close 1 eye'), she will put in a good word on your behalf?

Does your dad know your DH's biz is not doing well? Usually SME towkays don't trust son-in-laws, if they hv a son to entrust the legacy to.

jetsetter
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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby ammonite » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:30 am

To be honest, the best thing is look for a job elsewhere since you can. I doubt your father is looking for increased productivity or earnings, more a comfortable routine and enough for his own living until his last days. I would respect that.

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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby JJ1111 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:35 am

With your qualifications and experience, why don't start off with a lower salary job. When you gain enough experience and confident, than you may demand for higher salary.

Since your dad business is not doing well too. What is the point of joining in? And that lady is working with him so many years liao. Very 无情 to sack her just because he want his daughter to help him. It is also difficult for that woman to look for another job for her age. It is like cutting her rice bowl. :(

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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby ammonite » Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:41 am

JJ1111 wrote: Very 无情 to sack her just because he want his daughter to help him.


I think the original post was because he DOESN'T want any help from Moist...

ammonite
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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby 路人甲 » Fri Oct 18, 2013 10:00 am

Put it this way, your dad is not keen to expand his business anymore. He is happy with the current shape of his business which provides him and his long term employee a comfortable standard of living.

He doesn't need you to come in to expand his business which translates to more work less leisure time for him.

Where and how he spend his money is up to him unless he is not providing for your mum.

If you are worry about him spending all his savings and leave none for his medical expenses, yes please let him know your concerns.

Meanwhile I hope you can get a job elsewhere. Not easy especially when one has been out of the workforce for a while. Best wishes.

路人甲
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Re: Relationship with Father

Postby slmkhoo » Fri Oct 18, 2013 10:28 am

I think it would be best to look elsewhere for a job. As other point out, your father probably is happy with the way things are and not interested to change anything. Also, some people don't like to work with close family members for a variety of reasons - I know I wouldn't!

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