Violence / Divorce's Effects on Kids?

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Violence / Divorce's Effects on Kids?

Postby insider » Wed Nov 20, 2013 12:02 am

Just finished watching this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg-_wmXds_Q

Jeffery - dad holds a PhD in Chemistry. Divorced wife.

Jeff then grew up and be a serial killer who killed 17 males, had sex with them, ate them, preserved their body parts, etc.

This interview show dad, mum and son pondering over what went wrong:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83L54Yp1BGo

I like the dad in the story (appears to be upright and kind).

insider
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Chilling

Postby buds » Wed Nov 20, 2013 2:47 am

Provokingly chilling.

Arousing a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts.
Brings about the complexity and perplexity of the human psyche.

Hubs is not around. After watching that video, my dragon_boi whined a little calling for me from the room.. his elder brother, chubs, shifting a little in his otherwise peaceful slumber. Tandem-fed both and just embraced them real close taking in their wonderful baby scent. I wanted to remember tonight. To remember them this way. Closed my eyes and whispered a quick prayer in my heart, I know only he can hear.

All parents wish for only good things for their children.

This father included. I observed how he did try to pull his son back to him despite being distant for awhile after the divorce… despite slowly realizing how his son was seemingly different from other boys. The fact that the Jeff displayed such finesse in executing those acts while maintaining such a calm demeanour is just simply chilling.

For while we (parents) attempt to know our children the best we can, we may not know it all.

Is it really nurture over nature (the environment) that can win our children back should they stray? Or was it nature, that later influenced and moulded his escalating fantasies?

His interest in further dissecting his road-kills as a child that initially seemed to lean more towards an inclination in relevance to a thirst for knowledge and/or child curiosity ended up with a young man who was lost in living his sordid fantasies.

I personally know of troubled youths who have gone either extremes. Either being as abusive (or worse) in their adult lives or they try to keep their vow NEVER to be like/end up like their parents and consciously attempt to live better lives, despite having grown up in harsh conditions and at times having to fight their physically-dormant yet violent inner urges.

buds
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Re: Chilling

Postby insider » Wed Nov 20, 2013 6:21 pm

buds wrote:I personally know of troubled youths who have gone either extremes. Either being as abusive (or worse) in their adult lives or they try to keep their vow NEVER to be like/end up like their parents and consciously attempt to live better lives, despite having grown up in harsh conditions and at times having to fight their physically-dormant yet violent inner urges.



Hello buddy,

I always tend to believe nature is more dominant as compared to nurture. Raising kids yourself probably you would know this too, that given almost identical growing up environment, the kiddos seem to grow in their own ways; that we may try to mold and mold them into something that we think is 'good', ultimately they more or less will want to travel their own paths.

Note that your kid will be getting her PSLE results soon. Hahaha...how 'exciting' it is!

If your this first child is really not that academically inclined (or perhaps mature later), then you may pre-think of alternative ways for her. When I noticed my elder son was not interested in academic studies, I was looking at SHATEC for him coz he loves cooking. If he can't study, then perhaps being someone busy in the kitchen can be something that he will thrive well too. So, I allowed him to mess in my kitchen when he was younger (cooking and baking for us based on recipes; sometimes edible and sometimes not! heeheehee...).

All turn up well for this son eventually and I believe the same will be for your child regardless of her PSLE results (my gut feel is her score will be around 215 based on whatever I have read about her so far).

Best wishes!

insider
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Re: Chilling

Postby buds » Fri Nov 22, 2013 2:01 am

insider wrote:I always tend to believe nature is more dominant as compared to nurture. Raising kids yourself probably you would know this too, that given almost identical growing up environment, the kiddos seem to grow in their own ways; that we may try to mold and mold them into something that we think is 'good', ultimately they more or less will want to travel their own paths.


Hi buddy-jie, I can resonate with what you're saying because apart from the many children we have taught some of whom were siblings, as long as we have more than one child, we can somehow tell even from at a young age how different they can be, yes, despite an almost similar growing up environment.

To tell you the truth, being in our line of work, I used to think that nurture can outshine all else because as long as we impart positive learning experiences, all other unhealthy distractions will fail to influence a child. With my two elder kids (the girls), they are already polar opposites. Their innate abilities are both different and surfaced at different stages of growing up.. unveiling in itself a stark difference between the two, although when they were younger there were more traits that were alike.

insider wrote:Note that your kid will be getting her PSLE results soon. Hahaha...how 'exciting' it is!


Exciting? :skeptical:

insider wrote:If your this first child is really not that academically inclined (or perhaps mature later), then you may pre-think of alternative ways for her.


Yup, I did. In fact, we did. Hubs still in denial. He still prefers and believes that the academic route is IT. I suppose the nature of his job does not convince him of the prospects of non-academic routes, but he forgets that DD is not him. This part must tread carefully. :scared:

insider wrote:When I noticed my elder son was not interested in academic studies, I was looking at SHATEC for him coz he loves cooking. If he can't study, then perhaps being someone busy in the kitchen can be something that he will thrive well too. So, I allowed him to mess in my kitchen when he was younger (cooking and baking for us based on recipes; sometimes edible and sometimes not! heeheehee…).


The 'sometimes not' bit is totally hilarious. :rotflmao:

In the end, be it us or other parents out there.. we all wish the same thing. We want to provide the best we can for our children so that they can carve out a good path for themselves. It's just that in the process of doing so, we have to acknowledge that no two children are alike and may not lean towards the same definition of success we have in mind.

But the most important thing is our unwavering support, will and can (hopefully) see them through life the way they carve it. May or may not be smooth sailing depending on the child in mention, but as long as they can grow up to be independent (not live off us), be good children (with good values) and be useful citizens (to be able to give back to society), it is already good enough, at least for me. :oops:

insider wrote:All turn up well for this son eventually and I believe the same will be for your child regardless of her PSLE results (my gut feel is her score will be around 215 based on whatever I have read about her so far).


Yes, i read about your sharing on your harvest week. :please: Just reading that makes me feel so happy even if it's not for me. I was sharing and basking in your moment (hope you don't mind) :oops:. As a mom, I can feel the warmth of contentment. You did great by your children, really. :love:

insider wrote:Best wishes!


You may not know how much your sharings and advices have helped me, but I just wanna say that they did and honestly in more ways than one. I can also relate to most of your growing up sharings for I too lived in harsh times, gone through pretty much similar episodes into adulthood and hey, we survived all that and in fact still kicking. I'm not sure when i can fully enjoy a full harvest but am contented with bits and pieces of things here and there once in awhile.

Not sure if you see my DD the up or issit me (since i know the half-baked effort she put in) that see her the down.. but in any case, i just hope can pull thru nevertheless. If it doesn't, looks like DD was meant to learn things the hard-er way.. the longer way.. and perhaps in doing so, she matures. We can't really know what's out there for our children unless we explore the possibilities within our reach, so i just hope that i can do good by her.

Thank you, insider-jie for everything. :hugs:

buds
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Re: Violence / Divorce's Effects on Kids?

Postby Walter_1 » Fri Nov 29, 2013 3:02 pm

I don't want to even revive the time. But nothing is more painful then the divorce of you parents

Walter_1
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