help from parents please >.<

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

help from parents please >.<

Postby jessws » Wed Dec 25, 2013 3:54 pm

hi people, i really need some help from all the parents here.

im currently 19, in poly and started dating this wonderful guy at the start of this year. however, my problem is my parents. they have been giving me a lot of problems. they are complaining that i dont spend a lot of time at home any more and yet still went out to work during the holidays, the usual weight problems, and also some other common issue that parents would face. but the problem is most of this problem are out of my control. due to my course, my timetable are insane, everyday 9am -7pm and sometimes 9pm if i have cca or meeting and test almost every week. on top of that, i have training on sat for platform diving ( my hobby ). in another word, i would have 1.5 days for my school work, boyfriend and family. things got worst when my boyfriend went to ns in nov so meeting on a weekdays is impossible. to strike a balance, my plan is sat- training + bf and sun is family + school work. i went to work during my holidays (working during school term is impossible) is because i want to be more independent and i have not take money from my parents for half a year... on top of that, allowance from my parents since young isnt regular and would sometimes go to school without money for lunch.

however, my parents aint happy with whatever im doing. they preferred that i continue jc but i end up withdrawing from jc to pursue the career path that i want, which means going to poly. they dont really like my bf cos he is more on the bigger side. they prefer me to be really slim with class but im not, no where close to be exact or so they say. and recently they talked to me about why they dont like my boyfriend and its because

1. im not as slim as they wanted which is 55kg and im 70+
2. my studies are not ideal.
FYI, my results are mostly bs, lowest b-.
3. not spending enough time at home and yet stil go out with bf.
4. im not taking care of myself and also the house chores...

so parents, i really need your help. i know i have wonderful parents that provide me with love, support and those that you can think of, but i really wish to improve the relationship of my parents, my boyfriend and me. so please give me some advices !

thanks~~~~~~~~~~ :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:

jessws
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby dolphinsiah » Thu Dec 26, 2013 12:04 pm

Hi Jessws.

I understand your feelings ....

You are the same age as my DD.
She also have weight problem.

The whole family ....is encouraging her to cut down her weight
because we are worry about her health....

My DD is also a busy teenager...who works part time during school days and school holidays.

But she does not have a BF...

As a parent , I fear about my DD having a BF...
I feared the Guy will not be able to take care of her.....

I think why don't you invite your BF to your house...get to know your parents more...

If my DD has BF , I want her to bring back her BF for me to observe his character.... :evil:

Try to understand your parents concern...
No parents want their child to make a wrong move whether in education or having relationship....

dolphinsiah
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby jessws » Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:00 pm

I tried invited him to my house but my parents are always unwilling to meet him. I know that my parents concern but some how whatever that im doing seems to backfire all the time, end up becoming im the reason why my parents dont like him. So i dont know what to do. Nothing seems to work. ..

jessws
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby dolphinsiah » Thu Dec 26, 2013 5:14 pm

Every home has house rules...so quite difficult to give you advise...

Share with you my parenting ways towards my 2 teenager girls...

It is a must that they seek my consent before they go out with their friends.

My 19 year old girl still seek my consent if she is going out with her friends.

When they were younger , I even insisted in meeting their friends ...

If they going to movies, I will volunteer to buy their tickets for them....(a good excuse to meet them)....

Invite them to my house ....

I think some parents will even volunteer to be their chauffeur....just to make sure they are going to the right places...

I cannot figure out why your parents do not want to meet your BF.... :scratchhead:

I assume maybe they are concerned that you are unable to juggle your time...
Because you mentioned you have to work/study.....

dolphinsiah
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby Gifts from Heaven » Fri Dec 27, 2013 6:51 pm

Hi,

As a parent, I would be pretty pissed off if my kid can spare time to meet w bf/gf, but dun hv time to do house chores like picking up after himself. So regardless what you say abt independence and insane schedule, u need to be seen to be doing your part in doing household chores. So settle this first. Being able to do household chores is also training to be independent...it's a life skill.
As for studies, think your parents expected better results fr you since you said they wanted you to study in JC but you wanted to pursue your own career path and chose poly....meaning you are pursuing your interest and since you are doing something which you are interested in, then the motivation to do well would be greater. Greater motivation means that you are willing to spend more time in your studies to work out those parts that you are not clear, thereby translating to better results. So, have you been seen to be doing this?

Gifts from Heaven
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby jessws » Sat Dec 28, 2013 12:47 am

erm, so what you mean is that i should be SEEN doing household chores like everyday? and household chores as in all of it ? or just my room. im just trying to know the extent of whats acceptable and whats not acceptable... my room is actually pretty neat except for unkept bed whenever i woke up late or stuff lying on my table. other than that, its neat. im trying to change those though...

as for results, yes i have been showing that. my test papers are mostly As or Bs. but they always saying, if you fail, this is the end of your dream even after seeing all my papers. i dont understand why! is it because i withdrawed from JC and stuff?

jessws
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby ammonite » Sun Dec 29, 2013 2:04 am

Perhaps1) they feel you treat the home like a hotel, and 2)they wish a better bf for you, both in terms of looks and education.

For 1) if they already know your schedule, you can buy some favorite snacks/ fruits home for them regularly. Empty the dustbins on Sundays, help with laundry, occasionally call home to ask if they need anything from the supermarket when you are on your way home.

2) patience and more patience. You may or may not agree with their assessment in future. But if he wants acceptance he has to be thick skinned. Parents want a guy who can take care of their daughter, not their daughter take care of the guy. If he cannot even brave their front door, how can he protect you against others? Boyfriends cannot be shrinking violets.

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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby sushi88 » Sun Dec 29, 2013 11:08 am

jessws wrote:hi people, i really need some help from all the parents here.

im currently 19, in poly and started dating this wonderful guy at the start of this year. however, my problem is my parents. they have been giving me a lot of problems. they are complaining that i dont spend a lot of time at home any more and yet still went out to work during the holidays, the usual weight problems, and also some other common issue that parents would face. but the problem is most of this problem are out of my control. due to my course, my timetable are insane, everyday 9am -7pm and sometimes 9pm if i have cca or meeting and test almost every week. on top of that, i have training on sat for platform diving ( my hobby ). in another word, i would have 1.5 days for my school work, boyfriend and family. things got worst when my boyfriend went to ns in nov so meeting on a weekdays is impossible. to strike a balance, my plan is sat- training + bf and sun is family + school work. i went to work during my holidays (working during school term is impossible) is because i want to be more independent and i have not take money from my parents for half a year... on top of that, allowance from my parents since young isnt regular and would sometimes go to school without money for lunch.

however, my parents aint happy with whatever im doing. they preferred that i continue jc but i end up withdrawing from jc to pursue the career path that i want, which means going to poly. they dont really like my bf cos he is more on the bigger side. they prefer me to be really slim with class but im not, no where close to be exact or so they say. and recently they talked to me about why they dont like my boyfriend and its because

1. im not as slim as they wanted which is 55kg and im 70+
2. my studies are not ideal.
FYI, my results are mostly bs, lowest b-.
3. not spending enough time at home and yet stil go out with bf.
4. im not taking care of myself and also the house chores...

so parents, i really need your help. i know i have wonderful parents that provide me with love, support and those that you can think of, but i really wish to improve the relationship of my parents, my boyfriend and me. so please give me some advices !

thanks~~~~~~~~~~ :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?: :?:


Let me try to explain what your parents are thinking and perhaps you can try to align it with your plans and actions.

It seems that your parents biggest issue is that they think you are not coping well and trying to help you with time management by disallowing certain activities based on your age.

This is what they have in mind:
1. Your results
2. Your weight = your health
3. Your life skills

End result is they want you to be fully enabled to take care of yourself and I am just putting down their thinking for you.

To be honest, these are most parents' woes and worries.

So what you are doing that is not helping with the above in their eyes?
1A. You are not spending enough time to pull your B- to a B, B to A-, A- to A
1B. You spend your time on:
- boyfriend (which can wait, friends are good, bf is a bigger commitment and takes too much time which you do not have at this age)
- take holiday job (the fact they do not like this is like the time you are spending on your bf so your parents are consistent in that they would rather support you financially and let you have more time on your studies, your health and your lifeskills. Personally I think this one helps with life skills)

2A. You do platform diving, they have no issue. So they think exercise is important for you. And for you, you are pursuing your interest.
2B. If you can save time on building the relationship with your boyfriend, perhaps they hope you can use the time to do some cardio exercise to burn some calories...hence the frustration come in the form of rejecting your bf who is not motivating you to exercise.

3A. Household chores is to train your lifeskills.

Basically, they have problem with your time management so they just want you to stay focus and put your life on proper track...then all others will fall in place...including having many suitors to choose from and not just one bf at this tender age of 19.

Most importantly, you have to think through yourself and internalise it yourself.

These are everything important to you now and you have to prioritise if you only have 24 hours a day.
1. Studies (it affects your future livelihood, earning ability, financial independence)
2. Health, without it, nothing can be achieved. Lethargy alone will kill you or make your only 10% efficient....so you lose 90% everyday.
3. Boyfriend - is this the best time of your life to have such a commitment?
Maybe, if you need a lot of emotional support and have someone to run to all the time. Maybe, if you need a friend to hang out with all the time. But...can this be achieved with a good friend or close relative without having to invest much time?
4. Life skills - increases your self value.
5. Your dream?

I think bottomline is if you can cope with 1,2,4 very well, I think your parents will push you into 3 on their own. When that time comes especially in your mid to late 20s, you will also feel it as stress. :smile:

So maybe start by showing them in action that you are indeed coping well with your life?

sushi88
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby iluvcruising2 » Tue Dec 31, 2013 7:38 pm

Your weight is 70+kg but what is your height?

Weight without height, can't tell what your BMI is.

iluvcruising2
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Re: help from parents please >.<

Postby Hope59 » Thu Feb 06, 2014 11:35 am

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Hope59
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