Husband is always siding the maid

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Husband is always siding the maid

Postby Namie » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:22 am

My maid is always trying to stir things up at home, saying things that make me upset. For example she knew I get very upset when I heard that my son misbehave and she is always telling me my son did not do his homework or everything stuff goes missing at home, she will say my son took them. There was a time when my son couldn't find his homework and she said it couldn't be found. Later I found it hidden in her bag and under her pillow.

I told my husband about it and he took her side saying I don't know how to teach my son and there is nothing wrong with her. He is always taking her side, shouting at me and scolding me whenever I found her with misdoings. When he did that, the maid will walk away smiling.

Last year when I celebrated his birthday for him, he insisted the maid joined us else he would forgo the celebration.

Thank you for allowing me to rant. Whenever in brought up this issue, he would shout at me again.

Namie
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby janet88 » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:41 am

sorry to say this...but maids are very good at playing sides.

have you tried to discuss this with your hubby? please find a chance to have coffee and sit down with him to talk it out. do not let an outsider ruin your marriage. it's time to sack this maid, in my opinion.

janet88
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby jetsetter » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:45 am

Namie
Did u check that your Hermes is still in your cupboard? This maid doesn't sound very honest to me.

jetsetter
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby happyheart » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:46 am

Have you notice any changes in your husband's behaviour towards other matters? How long have you had this maid and has she been like what you described since day 1?

happyheart
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby Mawar » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:47 am

The fundamental issue lies between you & your DH. The cunning helper latches on and pushes all the wrong buttons to sow discord.

You have to solve your problems with DH slowly but you have to remove the helper immediately. It's bad and unhealthy to have this type of character in the house.

Mawar
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby Namie » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:50 am

jetsetter wrote:Namie
Did u check that your Hermes is still in your cupboard? This maid doesn't sound very honest to me.


Bags still around. It is the watches that I keep close monitoring.

Namie
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby Namie » Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:56 am

happyheart wrote:Have you notice any changes in your husband's behaviour towards other matters? How long have you had this maid and has she been like what you described since day 1?


She has been around for 8 years. I only noticed this over last one year. Even when she destroyed 2 of my husband Dior Homme shirts with iron and bleach, he just smiled and said next time don't do it again. Quite a number of my dresses were burnt when I told her to use steamer. Then when I wanted to throw away, she asked for them, said can send to the poor people in Philippines. I ignored her and threw them into the dustbin. I suspected she burnt my clothes on purpose cos the bursts were usually on edges that could be cut away if one is to shorten the dress.

Once I came home early and saw the maids down at void deck trying on clothes and exchanging clothes. My son told me our maid had taken some of my old discarded dresses that I left in store room to sell. I once saw her friend wearing my dress. I told my husband about it and he said I have no proof. That dress was bought from a US store not found in Singapore and I altered the dress neckline and parts of it to be unique.

Namie
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby janet88 » Tue Jan 21, 2014 8:00 am

Mawar wrote:The fundamental issue lies between you & your DH. The cunning helper latches on and pushes all the wrong buttons to sow discord.

You have to solve your problems with DH slowly but you have to remove the helper immediately. It's bad and unhealthy to have this type of character in the house.

:goodpost:
get rid of this unhealthy character in the house FIRST.
then work on relationship with your hubby...do not let him know you are going to sack the maid.

janet88
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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby happyheart » Tue Jan 21, 2014 8:19 am

Namie wrote:
happyheart wrote:Have you notice any changes in your husband's behaviour towards other matters? How long have you had this maid and has she been like what you described since day 1?


She has been around for 8 years. I only noticed this over last one year. Even when she destroyed 2 of my husband Dior Homme shirts with iron and bleach, he just smiled and said next time don't do it again. Quite a number of my dresses were burnt when I told her to use steamer. Then when I wanted to throw away, she asked for them, said can send to the poor people in Philippines. I ignored her and threw them into the dustbin. I suspected she burnt my clothes on purpose cos the bursts were usually on edges that could be cut away if one is to shorten the dress.

Once I came home early and saw the maids down at void deck trying on clothes and exchanging clothes. My son told me our maid had taken some of my old discarded dresses that I left in store room to sell. I once saw her friend wearing my dress. I told my husband about it and he said I have no proof. That dress was bought from a US store not found in Singapore and I altered the dress neckline and parts of it to be unique.


My sis in law used to have a helper that burned her clothes on purpose because she was unhappy with my SIL. We knew about it as she told my helper. It is possible that your maid did it on purpose. But since she has been with you for 8 years, you would know if that was her work standard or was she trying to create problems. Setting aside her work quality issue, she is replaceable :evil: so there is always a solution.
Talk to your husband over coffee. However, be sensitive and do not jump into any conclusion. Let him share his opinions about recent incidents, including the one that your son witnessed her exchanging clothes downstairs. Do not make the mistakes of accusing him first of siding with the maid. Let him talk. Tell him your opinion after he is done.
Lastly, sorry to have to ask. Is there any opportunity that your maid and husband are left alone at home when you and son are out? If your husband is the gentle and everything ok type, those are the times that maid will complained and act pitiful in front of Sir.

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Re: Husband is always siding the maid

Postby zbear » Tue Jan 21, 2014 8:28 am

janet_lee88 wrote:get rid of this unhealthy character in the house FIRST.
then work on relationship with your hubby...do not let him know you are going to sack the maid.




I agree. GET RID of this maid first.

Sorry to say this, but yr dh's behaviour is not acceptable.

zbear
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