stressful marriage

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

stressful marriage

Postby troubled mummy » Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:59 pm

I am in a very stressful marriage. Husband was released from prison not too long ago. After he is being released, he went to borrow from loan shark and using my contact without my consent.
Loansharks have been calling me and now threatening to do nasty things.
When he was in jail, he lied and actually has a woman outside.
I was being made a bankrupt because of him coz he cheated me of all my monies when we sold our old flat. He also went to declare bankrupt too.
My flat has not reach the 5 years MOP and I have a young child with me.
He is not contributing to anything and I do not want my kid to follow his footsteps.
Can somebody give me some advice on what I can do to him?
My finances are very limited as I nees to carry the burden of the home bills, kid's school fees and both my kid and my expenses.
I really can't stand him anymore.

troubled mummy
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:40 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: stressful marriage

Postby Integer » Fri Apr 11, 2014 4:30 am

Sorry to hear of yr predicament...

Maybe you can approach Family Services Centre for counselling & advice - Eg Fei Yue Family Centre for advice?

Fei Yue Family Service Centre (FYFSC) is a not-for-profit voluntary welfare organisation. Counselling fees is v.nomianl based on family income.
http://www.fycs.org/index.cfm?GPID=192

AWARE also has Free Legal Clinic to provide women with free legal information and advice.
http://www.aware.org.sg/information/divorce/

Take care.

Integer
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 3536
Joined: Wed May 23, 2012 7:50 am
Total Likes: 13


Re: stressful marriage

Postby jetsetter » Fri Apr 11, 2014 11:46 am

troubled mummy:
I wrote this for another mom last year and thought I should adapt it for you too:

Most women in troubled marriages are worried abt bread and butter issues, i.e. what's going to happen to me if my hubby walks out on us? Will my world collapse? who's going to support my child(ren) thereafter, esp if I hv no skills or employment record?

I dun wanna dwell on your hubby's r/s with the other woman, but will advise that u check on resources that are available to single mums, in case either of u can no longer communicate with each other and wants out:

Single Parent Agencies

HELP (Help Every Lone Parent) Family Service Centre
(http://www.helpfsc.org.sg)
They run a Mandarin Support Group and Parent, Public Education Programme and a no. of programmes for the children.

Chinese Development Assistance Council (CDAC)
(http://www.cdac.org.sg/cos/o.x?c=/cdac_corp/section)
I'm assuming u're Chinese, so CDAC is the place u shd visit if u need affordable tuition for ur child in the future. They also give out bursaries to children from needy families incl single parent families.

If u need to upgrade ur skills, they offer substantial training funding as well. After u've completed ur skills upgrading, they hv resources to help match u to suitable jobs as well, under their Workfare programme. (careerlink.cdac.org.sg)

If not Chinese, go to MENDAKI or SINDA.

Self-Help Groups

Wicare

This one runs a host of social events, from picnics to close-door sharing with other single parents (usually 6-8 pax). If u must talk to someone to purge ur negative feelings, this is the group u can go to.

Family Service Centres (FSCs)

Integer has mentioned this too. There're many FSCs islandwide, depending on your address. It's managed by Voluntary Welfare Organisations and supported by the MSF, NCSS, and staffed by professional social workers who provide a listening ear and helping hand to persons and families in need.

ComCare

If u do not know which agency to contact when u encounter difficulties with ur family, finances or employment, pls call the ComCare Call Hotline (1800 222 0000).

Women's Associations

WeCare for U Project (NTUC)

This one helps single mums and their kids build stronger bonds with each other through various progs and activities, as well as provide job assistance.

Besides organising bonding activities for single mums, they hv a Back-to-Work scheme that helps single mums find jobs (FT/PT/flexi-wk).

They organise regular job fairs thruout the year and hv a good job bank. This is the place to go if u need a job. Some employers are ok with pp who are bankrupts.

AWARE

They've befrienders, counsellors and legal clinics if u really need some help.

Singapore Council of Women's Organisation (SCWO)

They offer shelters to women that suffer(ed) from family abuse, but u dun need this one I reckon. What I find useful is the IT courses they provide to single mums so that they can be more employable.

Another good initiative is their Thrift Shop for needy families. If u need clothing, electrical appliances, books and baby/ child stuffs which they do sell at half price, this is the place to go.

Other assistance by Community Development Councils (CDC)

-Work Support Employment (WSE)
-Work Support Self Reliance (WSSR)
-Service and Conservancy Charges relief Utilities top-up for pay-as-you-use meter

HDB

You can speak to HDB officers abt renting an apartment, since you said you'd sold your flat. Activate your MP to write appeal letter to HDB on your behalf.


+++++

Now over to your HUSBAND...

If he's ready to re-communicate with u, u should intro him to the Yellow Ribbon if the prison hasn't already given him pep talk before he was released from prison.
http://www.yellowribbon.org.sg/

Why the Yellow Ribbon?

Employment Assistance

The Singapore Corporation of Rehabilitative Enterprises (SCORE) Employment Assistance Unit is a stat board that can help ur hubby find a job that he needs, esp since he is a bankrupt.
http://app.score.gov.sg/loginemp.aspx

SCORE Catering Services

I wonder if ur hubby had acquired some culinary skills during his prison term. If he did, then he can join the F&B sector with the help of SCORE.

++++++

As for your young CHILD...

Kindergarten Financial Assistance Scheme (KiFAS)

If u cannot afford the fees, u may apply for help under KiFAS. Parents who qualify for the scheme will receive a fee subsidy every month.

Centre-based Financial Assistance Scheme for Childcare (CFAC )

If u need to put ur child in a childcare centre because u hv to work, but hv difficulties paying the fees, CFAC provides a subsidy for ur child's childcare fee every mth. Most likely it'll be at NTUC First Campus or PCF SparkleTots centres.

Student Care Fee Assistance (SCFA)

Student Care Centres (SCCs) provide before- or after-school care for children aged 7 to 14.

++++++

PS: U did not mention elderly persons u need to support, but just to let u know there are eldercare schemes for pp who are in financial difficulty.

++++++

Lastly, does ur hubby hv a religion? There're many halfway houses that cater to former inmates with diff religions. Here're some:

Buddhist Halfway House
Green Haven
770 Jurong Road 19.7km
Singapore 649695
Tel: 6565 6880/6489 8161
Fax: 6562 5016
Email: enquiry@greenhaven.org.sg

Christian Halfway Houses
Breakthrough Missions
24 Yew Siang Road
Singapore 117758
Tel: 6479 7756/6479 7734
Fax: 6473 2970
Email: bthru@singnet.com.sg

Teen Challenge
735 Old Chua Chu Kang Road
Singapore 699798
Tel: 6793 8816/6793 7933/6793 8817
Fax: 6793 7457
Email: tcdare@teenchallenge.org.sg

The Helping Hand
819 Upper Serangoon Road
Singapore 534678
Tel: 62832204
Fax: 6283 3748
Email: thehelphand@singnet.com.sg

Malay Halfway Houses
Jamiyah Halfway House (Darul Islah)
352 Pasir Panjang Road
Singapore 118694
Tel: 6776 9101
Fax: 6775 9028
Email: info@jamiyah.org.sg
Pertapis Halfway House
50 Lorong 34 Geylang
Singapore 398239
Tel: 6746 4752
Fax: 6741 5066
Email: enquiry@pertapis.org.sg

Indian Halfway House
The Ashram
30 Durban Road
Singapore 759642
Tel: 6753 9730
Fax: 6753 3727
Email: enquiries@ashram.org.sg



+++++

All the best and take care!

jetsetter
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 13156
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:04 pm
Total Likes: 216


Re: stressful marriage

Postby troubled mummy » Fri Apr 11, 2014 8:55 pm

Thanks to the 2 replies. I do not qualify for legal aid. As for kid, I am still able to cope with her.
If I file for a divorce now, I cannot get a flat and I need a roof for the both of us.
And hdb will get back the flat at a very low value.
Also as a bankrupt status, I cant get a bank housing loan. Hdb loan is not sufficient to pay for a new flat. Also I have to wait for 2.5yrs before I can get a new flat and a resale levy of 25k cash to pay.
Is there rreally no other way

troubled mummy
KiasuNewbie
KiasuNewbie
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 8:40 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: stressful marriage

Postby sembgal » Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:34 pm

troubled mummy wrote:Thanks to the 2 replies. I do not qualify for legal aid. As for kid, I am still able to cope with her.
If I file for a divorce now, I cannot get a flat and I need a roof for the both of us.
And hdb will get back the flat at a very low value.
Also as a bankrupt status, I cant get a bank housing loan. Hdb loan is not sufficient to pay for a new flat. Also I have to wait for 2.5yrs before I can get a new flat and a resale levy of 25k cash to pay.
Is there rreally no other way

Please go see your MP. I know there is one MP Lee Bee Wah, very respectable MP in Yishun and well-liked by the residents both young and old, she helps people with the same problems like yours. This MP attends funerals in her estate that she takes care of and is a humble person.

However, I do not know where you live so I advise you to go meet your MP as soon as possible and they will help you.

sembgal
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2944
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:36 pm
Total Likes: 39



Re: stressful marriage

Postby zbear » Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:13 am

sembgal wrote:Please go see your MP. I know there is one MP Lee Bee Wah, very respectable MP in Yishun and well-liked by the residents both young and old, she helps people with the same problems like yours. This MP attends funerals in her estate that she takes care of and is a humble person.




I understand its the norm for MPs to attend funerals so what she does is nothing special.

zbear
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 4991
Joined: Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:14 pm
Total Likes: 64


Re: stressful marriage

Postby sembgal » Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:55 am

zbear wrote:
sembgal wrote:Please go see your MP. I know there is one MP Lee Bee Wah, very respectable MP in Yishun and well-liked by the residents both young and old, she helps people with the same problems like yours. This MP attends funerals in her estate that she takes care of and is a humble person.




I understand its the norm for MPs to attend funerals so what she does is nothing special.


http://www.singapolitics.sg/supperclub/ ... nnot-be-no
I do not live in that precinct and people with MP from other wards said they would rather have LBW. Young and old that I know say good things about her. I am just sharing here what I know.

sembgal
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2944
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:36 pm
Total Likes: 39


Re: stressful marriage

Postby slmkhoo » Mon Apr 14, 2014 8:57 am

troubled mummy wrote:If I file for a divorce now, I cannot get a flat and I need a roof for the both of us.
And hdb will get back the flat at a very low value.

Are you sure you need to sell your flat if your divorce? I think it's possible for the settlement to allow you to remain in the flat until your child has reached a certain age or you choose to leave, and your husband will only get his share when it is sold. Maybe you can check if this is possible in your case?

slmkhoo
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 8072
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:16 pm
Total Likes: 173


Re: stressful marriage

Postby hquek » Mon Apr 14, 2014 11:53 am

slmkhoo wrote:
troubled mummy wrote:If I file for a divorce now, I cannot get a flat and I need a roof for the both of us.
And hdb will get back the flat at a very low value.

Are you sure you need to sell your flat if your divorce? I think it's possible for the settlement to allow you to remain in the flat until your child has reached a certain age or you choose to leave, and your husband will only get his share when it is sold. Maybe you can check if this is possible in your case?


Yup. As long as you can form a family unit (i.e. u and your child), you should be able to keep the flat.

Sad to hear of your troubles and hoping that the sun may shine again once more v soon.

hquek
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 6535
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 10:07 am
Total Likes: 70


Re: stressful marriage

Postby jetsetter » Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:06 pm

hquek wrote:
slmkhoo wrote:Yup. As long as you can form a family unit (i.e. u and your child), you should be able to keep the flat.

Sad to hear of your troubles and hoping that the sun may shine again once more v soon.

To tap on the divorcee ASSIST scheme, she must not have owned or dispose of a flat after date of divorce...:

Assistance Scheme for Second-Timers (Divorced/Widowed Parents) [ASSIST]

To help second-timers who are right-sizing, 30% of the 2-room and 3-room BTO flats in non-mature estates are set aside for second-timers. Under the scheme, out of the quota of 30% of the public flat supply set aside for second-timers, 5% will be set aside for divorced or widowed persons with children below 16 years old, with the balance 25% set aside for other second-timers.

To apply for ASSIST, you will have to meet the following:

You have at least one child (natural offspring from the lawful marriage or legally adopted) aged below 16 years old at the point of your BTO application

You must not have owned or disposed of a flat or private residential property after the date of divorce/separation or demise of spouse.

jetsetter
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 13156
Joined: Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:04 pm
Total Likes: 216


Next

Return to Relationships