stressful marriage

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.
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jetsetter
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by jetsetter » Mon Apr 14, 2014 12:12 pm

troubled mummy wrote:Thanks to the 2 replies. I do not qualify for legal aid. As for kid, I am still able to cope with her.
If I file for a divorce now, I cannot get a flat and I need a roof for the both of us.
And hdb will get back the flat at a very low value.
Also as a bankrupt status, I cant get a bank housing loan. Hdb loan is not sufficient to pay for a new flat. Also I have to wait for 2.5yrs before I can get a new flat and a resale levy of 25k cash to pay.
Is there rreally no other way
How about renting a room first until your divorce is finalised? Or stay with your parents/siblings?

Try buying a new flat with your parents?

Secure the custody of your child.

Resale levy should be jointly paid by your spouse and you no?


Divorcees

Within three years from the date of the divorce, only one party in the divorce can own one of the following housing units:

a flat bought directly from the HDB
a DBSS flat / EC bought directly from a private developer
a resale flat bought from open market under the CPF Housing Grant Scheme

If you have an existing matrimonial home, which is one of the above, and that home is retained by your ex-spouse, you may apply to buy or be listed as an essential occupier in any of the above housing unit only three years after your date of divorce.

However, this three-year wait out period will not apply if you are buying any of the above homes with your parents or a new spouse, or if you are buying a resale flat from the open market without the CPF Housing Grant.

If there is no matrimonial home or the matrimonial home was bought from the open market without any CPF Housing Grant, you may apply for any of the above housing units after you get your ex-spouse's consent not to own or be listed as an essential occupier in any of the above housing units within the three-year period from the date of divorce.

The requirement for ex-spouse's consent is waived if you are buying any of the above housing units with your parents or a new spouse or if you are buying a resale flat from the open market without the CPF Housing Grant.

The requirement to seek ex-spouse's consent during the three-year period from the date of divorce is also waived if you meet the following conditions:
All your children are below 18 years old at the date of divorce; and
You have the legal custody of all your children and are also the only parent with the care and control of all your children.

pirate
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by pirate » Mon Apr 14, 2014 4:06 pm

troubled mummy wrote:I am in a very stressful marriage. Husband was released from prison not too long ago. After he is being released, he went to borrow from loan shark and using my contact without my consent.
Loansharks have been calling me and now threatening to do nasty things.
When he was in jail, he lied and actually has a woman outside.
I was being made a bankrupt because of him coz he cheated me of all my monies when we sold our old flat. He also went to declare bankrupt too.
My flat has not reach the 5 years MOP and I have a young child with me.
He is not contributing to anything and I do not want my kid to follow his footsteps.
Can somebody give me some advice on what I can do to him?
My finances are very limited as I nees to carry the burden of the home bills, kid's school fees and both my kid and my expenses.
I really can't stand him anymore.
How did you end up being bankrupt? A wife is not responsible for her husband's debts, and as far as I know, loan sharks do not go about making bankruptcy applications.

pirate
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by pirate » Mon Apr 14, 2014 4:12 pm

troubled mummy wrote:Thanks to the 2 replies. I do not qualify for legal aid. As for kid, I am still able to cope with her.
If I file for a divorce now, I cannot get a flat and I need a roof for the both of us.
And hdb will get back the flat at a very low value.
Also as a bankrupt status, I cant get a bank housing loan. Hdb loan is not sufficient to pay for a new flat. Also I have to wait for 2.5yrs before I can get a new flat and a resale levy of 25k cash to pay.
Is there rreally no other way
What is the reason why you do not qualify for legal aid?

And who told you that the HDB will get back the flat a very low value if you file for divorce? It is not uncommon for the courts to award the matrimonial home to spouse with care and control of the children, at least until the children are grown up.

rains
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by rains » Mon Apr 14, 2014 4:15 pm

hquek wrote:
slmkhoo wrote:
troubled mummy wrote:If I file for a divorce now, I cannot get a flat and I need a roof for the both of us.
And hdb will get back the flat at a very low value.
Are you sure you need to sell your flat if your divorce? I think it's possible for the settlement to allow you to remain in the flat until your child has reached a certain age or you choose to leave, and your husband will only get his share when it is sold. Maybe you can check if this is possible in your case?
Yup. As long as you can form a family unit (i.e. u and your child), you should be able to keep the flat.

Sad to hear of your troubles and hoping that the sun may shine again once more v soon.
Even if one can form a family unit with her child, hdb will still examines her financial status to see if she is financially able to pay off the flat. From what she says, it doesn't seem she's financially able.

Beatrice_NoQ
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by Beatrice_NoQ » Tue Apr 15, 2014 6:23 pm

You and your child constitute a family, so I doubt you will have to sell your house. Also, what about relatives and in-laws? Anyone who can help you out if you do fall into the situation of losing your house? When it comes to breaking ties, it's better now than later. Try to eliminate the exposure of your kid to your husband's bad habits.. That would be the most worrying.


Rashidah Utama
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by Rashidah Utama » Wed Apr 16, 2014 4:40 pm

all marriages are stressful!
that's why so many choose divorce! the number one cure for marriage! if he(husband) still did the same things over and over again. The best solutions for it. Tell him to get a life by his own!

troubled mummy
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by troubled mummy » Tue Apr 22, 2014 9:11 pm

I used my credit cards to purchase all furnitures and electricals for this current flat. When hdb issued us the chq from the sale of the previous flat, he dragged and did not gave me the money to pay off my credit cards. I started getting suspicious when the contractor called me to say there is still outstanding payment to be made for renovation.
When I question him, he said he had used up all the money. I was put into renovation loan debt, credit cards debts and also renovation balance to pay contractor. I did go and refinancing but the amount is too much for me to cope. That is why I declare bankrupt solely.
I am not eligible for legal aid is coz I have only a kid. They do not issues like household maintenance etc as consideration.
I did consider renting a flat now while going through separation but it will cost me a bomb. Does anyone knows whether I can apply for a new bto flat while going through separation?
Will looking for mp helps in getting me a rented flat? I only need an empty flat as I intend to move all my furniture over.
I did check with hdb on surrender value. It is actually 60 to 80 percent of the value of the price we paid for when we bought it.
I do not want to affect my kid more as she just started school and just adapt to him. She is alsp affected with what is happening at home. Receiving of threaten phone calls and letters.

troubled mummy
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by troubled mummy » Tue Apr 22, 2014 9:17 pm

Also to add, I do not want to hold this flat coz
1. He used the address to borrow from loan sharks and not paying. I would danger myself and my kid.
2. In order to solely owe this flat, I need to settle the outstanding bank loan which I cannot afford.
3. Bank will not approve me of any loan becausebof my status as bankrupt.
4.hdb approved single owner loan is not sufficient for me to cover the outstanding loan. Any balance will have to be paid in cash.

sembgal
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by sembgal » Tue Apr 22, 2014 10:08 pm

troubled mummy wrote:Also to add, I do not want to hold this flat coz
1. He used the address to borrow from loan sharks and not paying. I would danger myself and my kid.
2. In order to solely owe this flat, I need to settle the outstanding bank loan which I cannot afford.
3. Bank will not approve me of any loan becausebof my status as bankrupt.
4.hdb approved single owner loan is not sufficient for me to cover the outstanding loan. Any balance will have to be paid in cash.
It has been hard on you. Be strong.

You may like to seek help from http://www.helpfsc.org.sg

buds
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Re: stressful marriage

Post by buds » Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:25 pm

troubled mummy, do you have help from your own family? Siblings?

My friend was exactly in your predicament. She had to work three jobs to make ends meet. All the loans were slapped on her. Hubby ran off with their children's education savings and all of their joint savings. She had to see her furnitures taken away one by one.. she didn't know that everything was on loan.. she co-signed all the loans, hence everything fell upon her when her husband left for a Thai woman. She had to fully pay for the car that he used to ferry his new family everywhere, while she suffered one blow after another.

Hang in there. :hugs:

I'll try to see if i can get some information abt your housing issues, from a close friend. Stay safe.

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