Relationship b/w FTWM & children vs SAHM & children

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Relationship b/w FTWM & children vs SAHM & children

Postby CJS » Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:17 pm

Let me start the ball rolling. In your opinion how will the relationship between FTWM and children like vs what SAHM & children like when children reach adulthood. Maybe you can share your personal experience or experiences of friends and relatives ?

CJS
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Postby buds » Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:20 pm

CJS... dun mind i say this hor. But when you start the ball rolling,
you gotta tell your story first leh. I have this thing about thread
starters should start the ball really rolling.. How? Can...? :please:

buds
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Postby sleepy » Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:25 pm

A relative shared with us her experience. She's retired, used to be a career woman. She told us the biggest regret in her life was spending too much time at work. When she looked back & wanted to hug her kids, she realized they were all too grown up & didn't need her anymore.

We had that conversation 7 years ago. Update on that relative. All her kids have since moved out & live in different cities. She's home alone. Fortunately, being a sociable person, she still have lots of friends.

sleepy
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Postby mummy of 2 » Wed Dec 23, 2009 3:29 pm

I hope you dun mind me saying this. I feel it is not fair to generalise based on whether the mother is working or not.

Maybe we can discuss how being a FTWM or SAHM affects the r/p. It will be beneficial/insightful for those who have been on both sides of the fence to share.

My personal thoughts.

mummy of 2
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Postby rains » Thu Dec 24, 2009 9:06 am

I think the thread starter does mean to discuss about how being a FTWM and SAHM affect the relationship with kids, just that it's put in a different manner.

I should think that most (I said 'most') women would love to be SAHM if given the opportunity. It's such a shame that most singaporean men are not able to provide for their wife, thus leading to the existence of reluctant FTWM.

Maternal instinct come naturally for most women and most of us do want to see our kids thro every phase of their lives. I try as much as possible to hug and kiss my kids whenever I am with them, and tell myself that I work to give them a better life.

rains
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Postby foreverj » Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:09 pm

interesting topic. and i have an interesting answer too. my god-ma is the living example that FTWM can have it all! She's in her 50s now, worked in the banking industry all her life. she had three daughters, and she hired a good maid who spent her entire youth with the family. only a few years back -she went home. since the girls are all grown up, they did without a maid thereafter. but must be siong too since they were then living in a three-storey terrace house.

it was long hours for my god-ma all those years but she made sure to come home to spend time with her daughters everynight. she also took her bachelor's degree part-time while her girls were growing up, in primary school.

today, her eldest daughter is married and has a one-year old son who is in infantcare. my god-ma is still working in the banking line - private banking and drawing a good salary. when her husband went overseas to work a few years back and the first daughter got married, the second and third daughters bunked in with her in her room so that she won't feel so lonely. so sweet right? daughters!! :love: the eldest dd also brings her son back on weekends to stay :) all three daughters are graduates of local uni, btw.

so i tell my dh that my god-ma is the luckiest mummy i've seen. becos not only she has a great career, her three daughters are so close with her and care so much for her. and becos she's my god-ma, she has always shown lots of motherly love for me too, and my dd whenever we visit her.

as for SAHM, i can only say that for my cousins and even my own siblings, who enjoyed our mummies as SAHMs, we were brought up well, have good results and proper values. however, somehow the relationship with the parents r not even as good as my god-ma with her dds. could be the fact that there was a communication gap and lack of understanding between the parents and children.

so i guess end of day, it boils down to the character and personality of the mother herself. if she is a loving and warm person, not selfish nor self-centred, and she still affords quality time with the children despite the busy schedule, attempts to maintain communication and understanding (basically to connect) with the children thru their growing years, its still very much possible to have a great relationship between a FTWM and her children.

foreverj
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Postby autumnbronze » Mon Dec 28, 2009 1:25 pm

foreverj wrote:

as for SAHM, i can only say that for my cousins and even my own siblings, who enjoyed our mummies as SAHMs, we were brought up well, have good results and proper values. however, somehow the relationship with the parents r not even as good as my god-ma with her dds. could be the fact that there was a communication gap and lack of understanding between the parents and children.

so i guess end of day, it boils down to the character and personality of the mother herself. if she is a loving and warm person, not selfish nor self-centred, and she still affords quality time with the children despite the busy schedule, attempts to maintain communication and understanding (basically to connect) with the children thru their growing years, its still very much possible to have a great relationship between a FTWM and her children.


Hi foreverj,

I agree with your last point esp. And I do believe that it applies to SAHM too :D

autumnbronze
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Postby foreverj » Mon Dec 28, 2009 3:07 pm

yup yup of course :)

foreverj
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Postby CJS » Mon Dec 28, 2009 6:42 pm

I have another view point. FTWM do have the advantage of a more "worldly" view, hence their relationship with their children may not be worse but may be even better than those of SAHM. It is because they are able to connect better and accept "non-conventional" view points from their children.

I feel I, as a SAHM, does tend to the old traditional thinking and method when communicating with my children. My children are still young and have not reached adulthood yet, so I dun know how my relationship with them will evolve.

That's why I started this thread to learn from other KS parents who have been through this journey and hopefully I can learn a thing or two from all of u.

CJS
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Postby carebear » Mon Dec 28, 2009 9:05 pm

I am a PTWM (part time working mum), and am enjoying every bit of it!
I do freelance work so i can take time off to be there for my kids during their special events.
As I did not have the luxury of parents or in- laws supervision during my kids early years, i had no choice but to convert to part time work to ensure that they are left in the care of the maid entirely.
They are now entering teenage years, and they still confide in me, especially when making important decisions. I let them decide most of the time after explaining the pros and cons.
I was brought up by my SAHM.
My DH brought up by his FTWM.
We both love our mommies very much.
As a teenager, he knew that his mom had to work so that he and his 3 other siblings could get a decent education.
To SAHM, it is worth your every while to devote your time wholeheartedly to your kids! :udawoman:
To FTWM, you have to make sacrifices to earn money, i am sure your kids will understand that you are working hard to give them a better life! :salute:

carebear
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