Affairs after Marriage

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.
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jetsetter
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by jetsetter » Fri Aug 29, 2014 11:46 am

sleepy wrote:
zbear wrote:
janet_lee88 wrote:What would a married woman and single man have so much to skype and whatsapp about? Even if they do have many topics, she is still a married person and regardless how capable that man is, it leads to no where.

I am not saying its right to do so but I also have a platonic relationship with my ex colleague - single man.

We WA alot - after work n on weekends.

As he is a very intelligent guy, I enjoy my WA dialogues with him.

However, we do not meet except in office n on overseas meetings.
Ditto. I have a male single friend too. We whatapps on ad hoc basis. Mostly to post pic or exchange info on good food, skin care products, movies, etc. I have known him for 16 or 17 years

My dh met him before. And dh knows we are chatting on whatapps. I don't meet that male friend alone though. My dh will be jealous if I do :evil: Only meet up in a group. We have common friends. So I do know the boundaries.
This appears to be more prevalent at the workplace than you can so imagine.

Besides WAing, FBing and Skyping, there're other forms of (platonic) communication taking place in the office, such as one-on-one lunches/dinners; hitch-a-ride home after an event; after work drinks sessions; treating opp sex colleague to free brekkies/afternoon kopi; etc.

And don't forget there's the platonic "touchy feely" form of communication between male n female colleagues which many GenYers are so used to. u know girls like to whack guy with a stack of docs or slap guys' back; or guy sometimes uses knuckle to gently knock girl's head when she commits a dumb mistake; girl throws tissue balls at guy when kenna "suaned" in meetings; guy puts arm around girl's shoulders to manja her to do some data entry chore; guy-girl fingers interlocking as a form of hi-5; etc. The "guy" could be married w kids/married without kids, single (divorced) or gay.

Can't be so officious and business-like for 44 hrs per week. Must inject a bit of harmless teasing/bantering at the workplace to break the monotony. jmho. :siam:

schweppes
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by schweppes » Sat Aug 30, 2014 9:56 pm

We are all social creatures who have an innate need to connect to form relationships. In platonic friendships between a man and woman, nothing wrong when it's just a meeting of the mind.

It gets tricky when there's a meeting of the heart. That's when emotions come into play and the alarm bells go off, especially if that man and woman are not married to each other.

janet88
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by janet88 » Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:44 am

Humans have feelings. For women, the looks of the opposite sex is not important...if the guy is sensitive and caring, it can be easy to develop feelings...温柔1⃣️点,体贴1⃣️点, that will spell trouble if her own relationship is on the rocks.

sleepy
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by sleepy » Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:59 am

I think if the married couple is in a stable relationship, alright to have friends of opposite gender. But your spouse should remain the soul mate and the very first person you choose to confide to.

janet88
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by janet88 » Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:08 am

sleepy wrote:I think if the married couple is in a stable relationship, alright to have friends of opposite gender. But your spouse should remain the soul mate and the very first person you choose to confide to.
Having a friend of the opposite sex is fine.
He can provide his views. But that's about it. Why would I want to share my inner feelings with another person?


GLORYmum
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by GLORYmum » Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:22 am

IMHO, any form of physical contact with male friends should best be avoided. :smile:

jetsetter
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by jetsetter » Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:48 am

janet_lee88 wrote:
sleepy wrote:I think if the married couple is in a stable relationship, alright to have friends of opposite gender. But your spouse should remain the soul mate and the very first person you choose to confide to.
Having a friend of the opposite sex is fine.
He can provide his views. But that's about it. Why would I want to share my inner feelings with another person?
I assume "he" is married/divorced here.

In real life, not virtual, I've an odd gift of being able to draw out the innermost feelings/darkest secrets of a guy friend/colleague/boss. I don't need to probe or solicit or anything. Those male friends/colleagues will pour out their hearts to me--over a cuppa, lunch or a smoke (not me). It's not quite the meeting of the hearts as schweppes put it. But it's the coming out from their hearts, not minds.

What's from the heart? It could be their sexual problems (how to make DW pregnant), adulterous affairs with another married woman w kids, sexual fantasies (infatuations with another woman), social insecurities, classified information, etc.

I find it strange too, as some of these guy friends/colleagues are very shy/anti-social/private individuals in public. On quick checking w other female colleagues, I realise I'm the only "chosen" one w the classified info! I'm not a trained counsellor, but I'm very patient at listening and keeping their secret from the rest of our mutual friends/colleagues. I suppose my "Trust" index is rated very high amongst peers and superiors.
Last edited by jetsetter on Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

jetsetter
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by jetsetter » Sun Aug 31, 2014 9:56 am

janet_lee88 wrote:Humans have feelings. For women, the looks of the opposite sex is not important...if the guy is sensitive and caring, it can be easy to develop feelings...温柔1⃣️点,体贴1⃣️点, that will spell trouble if her own relationship is on the rocks.
Not true leh.

From my observations, that "if a woman portrays a fragile, frail, weak or soft image", a 温柔体贴 SNAG or an expressionless 四爷 will certainly fall for this damsel. Especially if this woman is lonely.

:siam:

sleepy
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by sleepy » Sun Aug 31, 2014 10:07 am

jetsetter wrote:
In real life, not virtual, I've an odd gift of being able to draw out the inner feelings/darkest secrets of a guy friend/colleague/boss. I don't need to probe or solicit or anything. Those male friends/colleagues will pour out their hearts to me--over a cuppa, lunch or a smoke (not me). It's not quite the meeting of the hearts as schweppes put it. But it's the coming out from their hearts, not minds.

What's from the heart? It could be their sexual problems (how to make DW pregnant), adulterous affairs with another married woman w kids, sexual fantasies (infatuations with another woman), social insecurities, classified information, etc.

I find it strange too, as some of these guy friends/colleagues are very shy/anti-social/private individuals in public. I'm not a trained counsellor, but I'm very patient at listening and keeping their secret from the rest of our mutual friends/colleagues. I suppose my "Trust" index is rated very high amongst peers and superiors.
Haha, I'm the opposite of you.

I terminated all form of communications with a single male friend whom I know for 7 or 8 years. I see him as a mentor because we were in the same career track.

But it went downhill when he started telling me his sexual fantasies. In the middle of conversation he will switch gear and start telling me about his fantasies.

I'm super offended. Even if he wishes to confide in me but I really don't wish to know at all. And I think it is grossly improper of him to even raise such topic with me.

The first time I shown my discomfort and switched topic. The second time, I decided to terminate him for good. He crossed boundary between friends so I cut him off permanently.

seaglass
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Re: Affairs after Marriage

Post by seaglass » Sun Aug 31, 2014 10:09 am

jetsetter wrote: I assume "he" is married/divorced here.

In real life, not virtual, I've an odd gift of being able to draw out the innermost feelings/darkest secrets of a guy friend/colleague/boss. I don't need to probe or solicit or anything. Those male friends/colleagues will pour out their hearts to me--over a cuppa, lunch or a smoke (not me). It's not quite the meeting of the hearts as schweppes put it. But it's the coming out from their hearts, not minds.

What's from the heart? It could be their sexual problems (how to make DW pregnant), adulterous affairs with another married woman w kids, sexual fantasies (infatuations with another woman), social insecurities, classified information, etc.

I find it strange too, as some of these guy friends/colleagues are very shy/anti-social/private individuals in public. On quick checking w other female colleagues, I realise I'm the only "chosen" one w the classified info! I'm not a trained counsellor, but I'm very patient at listening and keeping their secret from the rest of our mutual friends/colleagues. I suppose my "Trust" index is rated very high amongst peers and superiors.
睫MM。。你是个危险人物。。。。 :sweat:

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