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Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:03 pm
by chixchix
Hi all need some advise, about my sister,, i don't know who to talk to so i thought lets post my sister she is in her middle 30s, married for 13 yrs and has 1 child.

She is a fun loving ,happy type of girl who can smile all the time,,as for her hubby ,he is quiet type,doesn't talk much, ( wasn't like this last time ) ..even sex life is going down the drain ,,her hubby has diabetes and seems like their sex session doesn't last more than 15mins, and my sister doesn't mind about that ,,but its just that she is not feeling loved and has spoken to her hubby about her feeling lonely and he is not spending time with her. but seems like he takes it too lightly to bother.

Now she met someone online ,and the new guy is always on wassup with her , both of them have lots of things in common and he makes her happy,, that guy is not a local and he will be coming to singapore next month. she wants to meet him ..I advised her not to. .but since i have also seen him online ,i felt that he is sincere about her

She doesn't want her hubby to find out ,and doesn't want her marriage to break but she just wants to feel loved.

That guy is also making plans to shift his business to Singapore.. i told her ok to meet him for a chat and coffee..but seems like she is thinking of getting intimate with him,

What do you ladies think ? do you think its ok for her to keep this relationship a secret ? She has been tolerating her husband for many years now, He is not a bad husband but he just doesn't know how to keep his wife happy and even if he knows he is the type to play ignorance

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:21 pm
by janet88
Women take intimacy seriously...there must be love before sex comes in. If there is intimacy with another man, it will be hard to be close to her husband. That's how I think.
your sister wants to keep the relationship a secret...but what if there comes a day when she wants out of it but the guy doesn't? He will spill the beans.

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:25 pm
by jojoberry
Seriously I'm not sure you should be posting here at all. You know this is a forum for parents right??
No matter how the intentions may be - an affair is an affair is an affair.
The people who suffer the most are the children.
I repeat - the children suffers the most.

If she love her child, she should not do it.

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:32 pm
by janet88
If she still loves her husband, I suppose couple therapy is needed.
With so many cheating cases, can this man be trusted? Will he make your sister a mule to do illegal things? What if he spreads illness to her?

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:44 pm
by jojoberry
the guy sounds like a sham. how many men will relocate and move their business to be near you BEFORE even meeting you?

the next thing you know, he may be asking to borrow some money from her as his cashflow is tight due to bank issues with transferring his funds, emergency needs as he has a big deal to close and a large payment due from client will be in 2 days later etc etc etc

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:48 pm
by Sun_2010
Feeling unloved can be pretty depressing - especially to a bright cheery woman. But affairs dont solve the problem. Even if the guy involved is not out to cheat or exploit her , the lady is cheating on the husband. And that will come back to bite her. And her family life will be crushed.
And as a forummer has said, her daughter will also suffer badly.

If she thinks her marriage and family is worth it - go for counselling. If she really wants out - then end the marriage. Thinking , as long as no one knows , it will be ok, is very naive view. There is no such thing as happy affair forever.

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2014 11:56 pm
by Puzz...zzle
1. Did your sister tell the guy ,she is married with a child?
If yes, why is he still wants to meet up your sister? what is his motive?
2. Does your sister still love her hubby? she still wants to maintain the marriage?
If she just want to have a short affair with this guy, 她玩得起吗?

Meeting this guy and have further relationship with him, will be The Beginning Of Another Tragic!!!

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:10 am
by slmkhoo
Can someone (preferably male and someone he has some respect for) tell the husband that his marriage is heading for the rocks? Maybe not in detail, but just emphasise that he needs to do something? Counselling may be a good idea, or maybe a marriage enrichment seminar or something like that. You probably should counsel your sister about the downsides of what she is planning - I think it's definitely a bad idea.

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:46 am
by janet88
There have been many cheating cases of late...these men made use of women's loneliness and eagerness for attention/love to cheat...some promise expensive gifts and then claim they have no money to pay for some 'unrelated' business deals and cash flow problems. Don't fall into the trap.

Re: Affairs after Marriage

Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:47 am
by ChiefKiasu
It's most likely some scam. Better to advise your sister to stop all communications (which could be archived and used for blackmail!) with that chap. No goodbyes or anything. Just stop messaging the guy and delete Whatsapp from her phone.