KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

There are certain issues which are tricky in a marriage and both spouses have to reach a compromise. How do you deal with such tricky issues in your marriage?

* Whether to live with in-laws
* Whether to buy a big ticket item e.g. condo
* Whether to keep a pet
* Whether to have children and how many
* Whether the wife should work or stay at home to look after the kids

Any other bone of contentions?

Han Seo wrote:There are certain issues which are tricky in a marriage and both spouses have to reach a compromise. How do you deal with such tricky issues in your marriage?

* Whether to live with in-laws
* Whether to buy a big ticket item e.g. condo
* Whether to keep a pet
* Whether to have children and how many
* Whether the wife should work or stay at home to look after the kids

Any other bone of contentions?

In my case, DH & I went way back. We have talked, debated and argued over most issues countless times. Those were some topics of conversation we had before we became an item. We knew each other's stand and perspective. So it was quite seamless when we came to each pit stop. Reality wasn't too far from the 'ideal' situation. Our families never interfered, and I guess that reduced friction.

Maybe we also trusted each other in that whatever we do, it's the best decision given the circumstances.

Han Seo wrote:There are certain issues which are tricky in a marriage and both spouses have to reach a compromise. How do you deal with such tricky issues in your marriage?

* Whether to live with in-laws
* Whether to buy a big ticket item e.g. condo
* Whether to keep a pet
* Whether to have children and how many
* Whether the wife should work or stay at home to look after the kids

Any other bone of contentions?

Also

1) who and how to discipline the child
2) to what degree should we tolerate family/in laws' interference.
3) lending of money to family members and friends

Shes the fire im the water

So far after 16 years things have been going perfect
Just have to bring down your ego and of course I love her

dark21983 wrote:Shes the fire im the water

So far after 16 years things have been going perfect
Just have to bring down your ego and of course I love her

It is extremely challenging when the spouses have very differing character and personality and therefore the values and opinions differ a lot. I guess what we normally do is to talk out and agree about the big once-off decisions. As for the daily rearing of kids, it is really a challenge so some gives/takes with the spouse.

My spouse and I joked many times about why or how did we end up together?

Just remember men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

For men, just apologise to her even when she is in the wrong. Apologise does not mean you are in the wrong, it just shows that you love her. Cannot remember who has said this before: the greatest love you can ever give to your children is to love their mother.

For women, no matter how capable we are or how much more money we bring home, always respect your husband. Mutual respect starts from the wife's respect to the husband, then mutual respect, harmony and prosperity will be followed.

A good read...

http://peopleinsider.blogspot.sg/2014/0 ... us_20.html

alng wrote:Just remember men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

For men, just apologise to her even when she is in the wrong. Apologise does not mean you are in the wrong, it just shows that you love her. Cannot remember who has said this before: the greatest love you can ever give to your children is to love their mother.

For women, no matter how capable we are or how much more money we bring home, always respect your husband. Mutual respect starts from the wife's respect to the husband, then mutual respect, harmony and prosperity will be followed.

"like"

There are certain issues which are tricky in a marriage and both spouses have to reach a compromise. How do you deal with such tricky issues in your marriage?

* Whether to live with in-laws
We agree to ask his parents once only, 50-50 chance mah, can't be begging them over and then when we would like some couple time, how to ask them to give us space. in-laws choose not to stay with us.

* Whether to buy a big ticket item e.g. condo
We have a joint account, any money movement from there has to be mutually agreed upon. If one says, "hmmmmm..." the other party will hold.

* Whether to keep a pet
Tried hamsters and small pets for the kids, didn't work out so no go...

* Whether to have children and how many
I want 3, he wants 2. So stop at 2. He is the number 3.

* Whether the wife should work or stay at home to look after the kids
Never discussed, but I never stopped working.

Any other bone of contentions?
Differing values from ILs, and us learning to say "No" to his parents. Easier to say "no" to my parents.


Also

1) who and how to discipline the child
Caning is done by daddy. He is also the mediator. But every decision / values are discussed upon. We discuss how XX's child behave, how this or that parent discipline their children, then talk through how we would have handled the child / situation and agree upon certain values; then we stick to our version when (and if) it happens to us.

2) to what degree should we tolerate family/in laws' interference.
Zero tolerance. He fends off his parents, I fend of mine. 靠山不能比父母大. Which means, our children understands that if daddy and mummy said no, no one can override our decision.

3) lending of money to family members and friends
Depending on what the $$ is for. We still discuss and agree / disagree. But strictly no being a guarantor for ANYONE.