Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Successful parenting is founded on successful relationships between spouses and relatives. We must not neglect our spouse while we focus our attention on grooming our children to become the best they can be. Discuss relationship issues here.

Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby Ashlyr » Sat May 16, 2015 10:43 am

Hi,

What I am about to ask may rile some of you up, but I beseech you not to ride on your moral high horse to judge, but instead, help provide a solution, if you have, to the problem at hand. If not, please hold your peace as we do not need more 'filial piety' advice.

A friend and her 2 sisters, and their mother, were estranged from her father since young.

The father ran away when the 3 girls were young, leaving the mother alone to fend for herself and support the family. The uneducated woman took on 3 jobs and slept 4 hours daily to support the family.

She would buy 3 packets of rice for lunch, one for each daughter, and get a bit of rice from each of the packets to make it a meal for herself.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer in her younger days but due to a lack of money, and the fact that she needed to work, she put her condition aside.

My friends and her sisters had to give tuition or work part-time at fast food joints to earn their pocket money and school fees since secondary school days until two of them saw themselves through university and the other one, poly.

At this opportune time, the father returned, demanding that the sisters should give him allowance because 'we raise you'.

The mother, an overly kind woman, allowed the man back to live with the family for some years before she decided that enough was enough. She divorced him, sold the flat and gave the man $100k even though he had contributed nothing to the flat. The mother and the daughters parted ways with the man.

About half a year into the divorce, the mother's cancerous cells had invaded her brain. She collapsed at home, foaming at the mouth. The doctors had to remove part of her brain which controlled her speech and thinking ability. She couldn't speak after that, could only make loud incoherent noise to express herself. She was bedridden for half a year before she died of the inability to breathe. The husband didn't fork out a cent for her $100k medical bill nor pay a cent for her funeral.

3 or 4 years later, a few days ago, my friend returned home to see a big SOS note stuck to the door.

On it were the 3 sisters' names, asking them to look for their father as he was 'very sick'. It was signed off by their father's friend. Obviously, the father had squandered his $100k away and wanted more money.

My friend is now very worried that the father will sue them for parental maintenance. Given the irresponsible man that he is, I am sure he will if they choose to ignore him.

My friend has explored the possibility of putting a notice on the papers to sever ties with this man but someone she enquired with said,"Our Asian moral values say that we should be filial to our parents."

My friend has also read up on the law and according to her, it states that children are obliged to provide maintenance to their parents even if the parents have never supported them! I find this clause ridiculous and irresponsible. The law was passed to protect responsible parents from being abandoned by unfilial children, or so I thought, but why has it been subject to abuse?

Is there anyone with such experience, or who knows how to stop the father from extorting more money from them? The girls do not want to have anything to do with the father. Can anyone help?

Ashlyr
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2012 6:22 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby Mdm Koh » Sat May 16, 2015 12:16 pm

What would their mother have wanted them to do?

Mdm Koh
BrownBelt
BrownBelt
 
Posts: 539
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 2:04 am
Total Likes: 4


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby Ashlyr » Sat May 16, 2015 12:43 pm

Hmm ... the mother had had enough of the irresponsible and lazy man which was why she divorced him and even gave him a large sum of money to keep him away. Obviously it didn't work. I am quite sure if the mother had been alive, the father wouldn't have dared to come back to haunt them.

I am hoping for suggestions of legal ways to handle the matter and get this man out of my friend's life actually because he's not fit to ask for maintenance after knowingly abandoning them when they were young.

Ashlyr
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2012 6:22 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby tutormum » Mon May 25, 2015 12:30 am

Do your friends have any documents supporting the fact that the mother had given that irresponsible man money and proof that the mother was the only caregiver and provider throughout their lives. I hate such irresponsible man; reaping what he never sows.
I suggest that your friends find a lawyer and seek legal advice. They have to prove that they were the ones who paid for their mother's medical bills and funeral. If the judge is satisfied that the man not only didn't contribute a single cent but also took a large sum of money from the family, I'm sure the judge will sympathise with your friends. Probably there is a legal way for them to sever ties with him. The law is there to protect parents from unfilial children but not there to be abused by irresponsible parents.

If not, the illegal way is to move house and don't leave a forwarding address. If the man doesn't know their NRIC nos, I would suggest that they change their names to make it hard for him to find them. I know there will be some posters who would not agree with me but I know of so many such cases that I have no sympathy for such a man.

tutormum
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1199
Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 10:44 pm
Total Likes: 21


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby Mdm Koh » Mon May 25, 2015 11:16 am

Sad to say, it is true that there are many irresponsible parents around. The conundrum is, if the children do not wish to support their irresponsible parents, do they think that other taxpayers should be supporting their irresponsible parents, in addition to our own parents? The money has to come from somewhere.

I feel that government funds should only be used for the numerous needy families in Singapore and not for financially capable but estranged families. Unless it can be proven that the children are very poor themselves, it's their responsibility to support their own parents. It's a bitter pill to swallow for children who are estranged from their parents, but that's how it is in Singapore as we do not have a strong welfare system for the elderly.

Mdm Koh
BrownBelt
BrownBelt
 
Posts: 539
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 2:04 am
Total Likes: 4



Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby janet88 » Mon May 25, 2015 11:26 am

I know of a relative who flirts and even fathered twins when he was in his 50s to a woman in Thailand...he is actually very poor but wife is rich. Irritating thing is, he always puts on a show in front of people calling his wife, 'darling' or some thing which makes everyone cringe. After the divorce, he refused to move out even with split of money and insisted ex-wife supports his livelihood. He also sued his sons for maintenance. Until now, he is staying in ex-wife's flat...eats there and his clothes washed by the maid.

janet88
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 33770
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 10:37 am
Total Likes: 111


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby straffan23 » Thu Jun 11, 2015 3:07 pm

At the point when your friends do get sued for parental maintenance, they can goto Legal Aid or lawyers for help. They should be able to file an affidavit, with relevant documentations and using past desertion as their defence. Then the father can file his own affidavit to say how much of that is a lie, or, he could say he no longer have any ties with his children - which would make him eligible for government aid. The latter I know because I have seen one.

straffan23
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 445
Joined: Tue Jun 26, 2012 2:47 pm
Total Likes: 6


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby kids_r_innocent » Thu Jun 18, 2015 11:21 pm

Ur fren can checked with Family Court or Legal Aid to see what the law can do to help them. Of course, there must be evident to support their say. Meanwhile, I guess the fastest ting to do is to move out.

kids_r_innocent
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2217
Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 11:40 pm
Total Likes: 3


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby pingsped » Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:57 am

The father can apply for parent maintenance from family court and officials can assist in searching for the children's addresses (NRIC databank) even if they have moved.

The children need to prove abandonment by the father. The divorce documents usu should have some details unless the mother was ill-advised by her lawyer. If it is stated clearly that the reasons for divorce was abandonment, then they should have a fairly strong case.

In my frens' frens' case, they sent email documents to the officer & refused to even meet up with the officer for mediation.

As far as I know, they never went to court nor paid a cent. It seems the case was closed without any meet up.

I believe the officer didn't release the children's addresses to the father; otherwise he will probably harass them for money.

pingsped
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 179
Joined: Sun Mar 21, 2010 1:17 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: Severing Ties with Irresponsible Father

Postby shiki05 » Wed Sep 02, 2015 10:53 am

just tell the father that they want to have nothing to do with him. though i feel that the kids if able to should help the father a little, since they only have one father and mother is already left. the father also knows that he had done wrong but is just begging for the kids to give him another chance. if the kids do not want to give him the chance, i dont think he will pursue. since he is already probably old and sick. i dont think the kids should run away, but they should face the father and tell him what they feel.

shiki05
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 12:19 pm
Total Likes: 0



Return to Relationships