KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

Just random thoughts...

Do you see a reflection of yourself from your children? Not only physical characteristics ..

Do you feel your relationship with your children is a reflection of your relationship with your parents?

Your child will see you as how you see your parents even if you think you are different from your parents?

Your child will treat you the way you treated your parents even if you think your parenting style is different?

Anyone "young" enough with grown up kids to share their thoughts?

I belong to Generation X , my Children are both Generation Y.

My relationship with my children is like Mentors ...we share all thoughts - everything under the sky...

My relationship with my parents who belongs to the generation after world war 2...not very close..
Because parents mentality is -children and parents cannot be friends.
Parents status is always one level higher than the children.

They brought me up ,so I must take care of them...
I told my parents when I am old , I do not want my children to take care of me....they said I crazy...

So you see the difference.

dolphinsiah wrote:I belong to Generation X , my Children are both Generation Y.

My relationship with my children is like Mentors ...we share all thoughts - everything under the sky...

My relationship with my parents who belongs to the generation after world war 2...not very close..
Because parents mentality is -children and parents cannot be friends.
Parents status is always one level higher than the children.

They brought me up ,so I must take care of them...
I told my parents when I am old , I do not want my children to take care of me....they said I crazy...

So you see the difference.

Thanks for sharing!

Singapore advanced too rapidly in 50 years. Many parents born before the WW2 and in the early independence years are unable to catch up with the Generation X & Y.

The child is still a toddler so I can't say much. I look at the relationship between my grandparents and my uncles, aunties and my parents, and I look at the relationship between my uncles, aunties and my nieces, nephews, cousins, I could see a reflection of the older generation. I look at the relationship between my nieces, nephews and cousins, I could see similarities between my uncles, aunties and my parents.

If the parents are being deprived of material comforts from childhood, they will make sure their children material needs and wants are more than sufficient. If the parents are being deprived of communication with their parents, they will make an effort to communicate with their children. If the parents are neglected by their parents, they will make sure they are always available for their children. If the parents have over controlling parents, they will want their children to grow up with more freedom. If the parents have over dependent parents, they will want to be independent from their children. If the parents missed out on education, they will push their children to excel academically. Parents try to over compensate their children what was being missed out by their parents. The act of over compensating is itself a reflection of the older generation. The cycle repeats generation over generation.

My relationship with my parents have been very good when I was young. The relationship gets more straining in my teens. The generation gap is more apparent as I grow older.

I've been questioning myself my capability to raise a child. How can I see my child as who they are but not a reflection of my relationship with my parents? I feel like a failed person. If I can't be a balanced and happy person, how and what can I teach my child? Is it common for new parents to think about this?

When we bring a child to this earth...it does not come with a Guide Book...no manual... every Child is special...

There is no Perfect Parent Guide book...we just learn day by day to be a parent to nuture our child....to be someone good ...

Do not worry too much....

Just enjoy your relationship with your child....it is a special bond...
When you look at your child ...as they grow up, you give yourself a pat...wow - my product....not bad..hor...

dolphinsiah wrote:When we bring a child to this earth...it does not come with a Guide Book...no manual... every Child is special...

There is no Perfect Parent Guide book...we just learn day by day to be a parent to nuture our child....to be someone good ...

Do not worry too much....

Just enjoy your relationship with your child....it is a special bond...
When you look at your child ...as they grow up, you give yourself a pat...wow - my product....not bad..hor...

I won't be worrying if is not my product. Toddler growing older day by day and I can't help to question what kind of parent can I be?

Man, 41, charged with murder of 5-year-old son
http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/c ... ar-old-son

i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

Gemom wrote:i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

How old is your child? I believe in letting go gradually. I don't believe there is a particular age when we should cut the apron strings completely and just let go. It also depends on how sensible and reliable the child is. My girls are 16 and 19, and I am a fairly strict parent in many ways. My policy is the explain my rules to them, and so far, they have been accepting, even if they sometimes find it a bit restrictive. They understand that I have their best interests at heart.

The chalet thing you mention - well I would not allow them to spend a night in a chalet with friends (especially a mixed group) if there is no responsible adult there. I don't have to be there myself, but would want a teacher (if it's a school thing) or a trusted leader (if it's a church thing) there. If it's only a day event, well, I think I would probably let them go now if I trusted the group they were with, but maybe not if they were only 13, say.

slmkhoo wrote:

Gemom wrote:i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

How old is your child? I believe in letting go gradually. I don't believe there is a particular age when we should cut the apron strings completely and just let go. It also depends on how sensible and reliable the child is. My girls are 16 and 19, and I am a fairly strict parent in many ways. My policy is the explain my rules to them, and so far, they have been accepting, even if they sometimes find it a bit restrictive. They understand that I have their best interests at heart.

The chalet thing you mention - well I would not allow them to spend a night in a chalet with friends (especially a mixed group) if there is no responsible adult there. I don't have to be there myself, but would want a teacher (if it's a school thing) or a trusted leader (if it's a church thing) there. If it's only a day event, well, I think I would probably let them go now if I trusted the group they were with, but maybe not if they were only 13, say.

Appreciate your viewpoint on this!! Thx! I think as you mentioned kinda need to do this slowly...
Probably as an update, I eventually allowed my child to go for the chalet with her friends. Though I did drop by on the second day. I got a really positive outcome to that decision I believe, there seems to be an increased trust level between us now. She seems to seek for permission and have discussions now more often as maybe it feels that I'm slightly more open and agreeable to things as Long as it makes sense and doesn't harm them in any way
So generally a positive thing for me I Guess

Gemom wrote:i cherish greatly the relationship i have with my child now, but it is at a point where i have to decide if its time to let go. Am just wondering, at what age do you guys think is suitable for them to be doing their own things without me around them such as to events like chalets etc...

dont seem to have such a thread but then i dont have points cannot start topic

Both my kids have been in co-Ed Primary and Secondary schools. They are also in UG n have been to camps. They are very used to mixing with the opposite gender and know how to behave.

I have also been practising mutual trust n open communications with my kids. I also practise what I preach. Maybe I am quite open minded n my kids are quite conservative (based on our meal conversations n sharing our views on social issues), so I don't have a problem letting go. I told my kids that because I know they are sensible kids, they cannot betray my trust. If betrayed, they will have to bear the consequences.

My DS went for 2n/3D chalet (celebration after O levels) with his classmates n the group includes both gender. But there was no hanky panky n they enjoyed bonding since they would be going separate ways.

I guess you need to know the character of your child n to what extent you can let go. There is no hard n fast rule n it will always be trial and error. But this is what parenting is all about, rite? We learn through experiences n mistakes n make better decisions in future.