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Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 4:28 pm
by hercules
I met a once close friend in a recent wake.

We used to be classmates for 6 years and played together often when young. We kept in contact often for many years after graduation, then slowly drifted apart when we were in our early 40s when she sort of will only appear during important gatherings of weddings or funerals.

I had a good catch up with her during the recent wake.

I got to know that

- she had divorced (husband got another woman)
- her mum has been immobile and currently is in a nursing home
- her son married and only tends to his own wife and doesn't give her any money at all
- she is driving Uber for about 12 hours a day making about $2000/month
- her health is no good as she has no time to take care of herself (she used to be so slim and fair but now is fat and dark)

I know she is financially very tight (she is the only child and so the money needed to support her mum in the nursing home after subsidy is still quite a big portion from her income). I can sense her physical pain with an obvious onset of a frozen shoulder that I know what would become of her a few months later if she still doesn't go treat it.

She didn't ask for my financial help but I am thinking of giving her a few thousand dollars to ease her current financial burden. I am hesitant about it as I worry I may hurt her pride.

Her mum used to cook very nice fried Hokkien noodles for me in those days. The memories of those younger days warm me up a lot.

Should I, should I not? (I created a simple poll and will decide base on it after 48 hours. Thanks!)

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 7:11 pm
by MrsKiasu
maybe putting it across as a no due date of repayment kind of pay you as and when she feels comfortable and that is an extra at your side?

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 7:16 pm
by lee_yl
I think you should if you can afford it.

Was discussing with my DH last night how to help my aunt. Her husband (my uncle-in-law) was out of job for a few years already and his mother is bedridden. They are financially tight as my UIL still spends freely without much thought. This has in turn caused some strains on their relationship till they hardly talk to each other nowadays.

As my aunt and UIL took very good care of me when I since young, I am keen to help. Wondering should I GIRO him a monthly allowance till his mother passes on or in one lump sum? And as he's likely to reject our help (out of pride).

Please do not quote. Thanks

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 7:33 pm
by TheAnswer
If you are prepared to write off the money, I think no harm. I did offer financial help to a few of my close friends but none of them took it up to date.

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 8:03 pm
by MyPillow
When I am sure the fren or relative is in need, I will help.
will take the initiative to pass the money instead of asking them if they need my help, n explain they can take their time to settle or decide .
My family had help relatives few times already.
Some return some didn't but we are blessed back in many other ways.

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2017 10:00 pm
by MrsKiasu
maybe buy some household neccessities for them.

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:56 pm
by hercules
Thanks all for the input and vote.

I bought for her a TCM tuina package as a 'birthday present' for her frozen shoulder and gave an ang po of a few thousand to her mum when I visited the mum in the nursing home. She sent me a text of 尽在不言中.

Many years ago I did tell her the only person whom she can trust 100% is herself. We cannot guarantee the man whom we loved when we were in our early years will remain the same man many years later. So silly of everything also listened to her husband. It was a XXXXX that she lose so miserably with more than 20 years of SAHM hardwork evaporated and self burnt.

So sad to have raised an ungrateful son. Lucky she still can drive for a living else her situation can be worst. She can only be more relax after her mum passed on, else will just have to keep spinning non-stop. I can't really imagine her old age with all the probable pains in her body parts.

Losing oneself for anyone else is the worst one can do for herself. That's always my rooted understanding.

It's really like what she had texted: 尽在不言中.

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:35 pm
by ammonite
Classy move.

Yes, never lose oneself.

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:58 pm
by MrsKiasu
very nice of you hercules and thanks for the sharing.

Re: Friendly Financial Help

Posted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 9:35 pm
by FantasyLandDreams
Was about to suggest how about help pay for the nursing home fee secretly, looks like already done....