Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Is there life after O/A-Levels? Definitely! How well a person does in tertiary education is correlated with job opportunities open to the person. Discuss issues pertaining to nstitutes of higher learning here.
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pinky
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Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by pinky » Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:03 am

To parents whose children are studying overseas or are leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope with the emptiness especially if it's an only child?

janet88
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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by janet88 » Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:14 am

pinky wrote:To parents whose children are studying overseas or are leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope with the emptiness especially if it's an only child?
go along and spend time with him/her. see that the child is able to settle down first.
since only child, then don't have to worry about what is going on at home. husband is old enough to look after himself.

pinky
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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by pinky » Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:19 am

How do you cope without him at home in Singapore ?

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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by janet88 » Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:56 am

pinky wrote:How do you cope without him at home in Singapore ?
if my only child goes overseas to study, i will accompany him/her until the child settles down.
no need to look after the husband. old enough to look after himself. just make sure he sends money over for the child's education.

slmkhoo
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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by slmkhoo » Wed Apr 26, 2017 1:15 pm

Although it may be hard to let go, I would advise parents NOT to accompany the child overseas to "see that he settles down". Part of the growing up, speaking from my own experience as a child, is being left to DIY, make mistakes etc. My daughter has told me very firmly that she doesn't want us to come along if she goes overseas to study, or at most, to come along to help bring her barang2, then go on holiday elsewhere! I probably will worry, but I will do my best to leave her alone. If I think she's mature enough to be overseas for 3-4 years, she doesn't need me around for the first x weeks. From the marriage point of view, I think going with the child and being apart from your spouse will widen the rift (or create one) when it is exactly at this time when the marriage needs to adjust and strengthen.

At home, I guess the best way is to rediscover your pre-kids days with your spouse, dig up old friends, take up a new (or old) hobby, enrol for a course, do volunteer work etc. Time to do all those things we always said we'd like to do "if we didn't have the kids around"!


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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by MotherHen » Wed Apr 26, 2017 1:35 pm

slmkhoo wrote:Although it may be hard to let go, I would advise parents NOT to accompany the child overseas to "see that he settles down". Part of the growing up, speaking from my own experience as a child, is being left to DIY, make mistakes etc. My daughter has told me very firmly that she doesn't want us to come along if she goes overseas to study, or at most, to come along to help bring her barang2, then go on holiday elsewhere! I probably will worry, but I will do my best to leave her alone. If I think she's mature enough to be overseas for 3-4 years, she doesn't need me around for the first x weeks. From the marriage point of view, I think going with the child and being apart from your spouse will widen the rift (or create one) when it is exactly at this time when the marriage needs to adjust and strengthen.

At home, I guess the best way is to rediscover your pre-kids days with your spouse, dig up old friends, take up a new (or old) hobby, enrol for a course, do volunteer work etc. Time to do all those things we always said we'd like to do "if we didn't have the kids around"!
I second this. When I left (donkey years ago) as a teen, both my parents came with me. They stayed 4 or 5 days - we toured around the city, they saw the campus, my dad went with me to the bank to open a bank account and made sure I had enough money - then flew off the day I checked into the dormitory (we parted at the hotel. They did not even see me to the dormitory)

Now with my own kids, I can understand their worry and their 不舍。But they allowed me the space to do alot of growing up, and I appreciate that. I would probably do the same if/when it's my child's turn.

slmkhoo
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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by slmkhoo » Wed Apr 26, 2017 2:07 pm

When I went to the UK at 19, my parents just waved me off at the airport. My father made sure I had a bank draft and some cash, and I had all the paperwork for immigration and university registration etc. I was travelling with a friend, with other friends (seniors) meeting us at the other end. Thinking back, I am amazed at how much they trusted me, though I was too excited then to think about it. Those were the days when communication was by snail mail too!

I managed OK, didn't get into any trouble, and grew immensely through the experience. If my daughter goes overseas to study, I will give her the same opportunity (and if I am tempted not to let go, my husband will make me!).

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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by MotherHen » Wed Apr 26, 2017 2:21 pm

Yes, I admired my parents' courage at even letting me go in that era of pre-mobile phone, even pre-email, days.
I had applied to the school on my own. They had not even heard of the city where I was heading. I was 19 too, had zero friends there.

slmkhoo, I said I would probably do the same as what my parents did, but I'd been thinking that I would more likely do what your parents did :)
Last edited by MotherHen on Wed Apr 26, 2017 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by MotherHen » Wed Apr 26, 2017 2:27 pm

pinky wrote:How do you cope without him at home in Singapore ?
You will miss him lots. But know that he will be happy, and that your ah boy will grow up into a fine young man who will appreciate your love, support and trust.

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Re: Child leaving for overseas studies, how do you cope?

Post by sleepy » Wed Apr 26, 2017 2:39 pm

I will confirm tag along and hang around till school term begins. Then go sightseeing since airticket paid for might as well maximise

Even though my parents waved bye bye to me at Changi airport previously but I have a different parenting style. Me clingy so what haha

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