KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

With DD set to go Sec One next year - I am planning the transition of her role and my role.

Parents who have been thru this, Please share your stories/tips/lessons learnt for us newbie Seccondary Parents (pun intented )

Some of the areas I can think of -

1. Old habits die hard. So what were the problems you faced in letting go of the hand holding?
2. How do you deal with it when you felt the child is not paying proper care for his work?
3. At what point do you intervene?
4. What are the issues you close one eye?
5. What would you have done differently now that you are wiser?

Once the kids are in Secondary, I feel our role as parents in academics should get relegated to that of an advisor/ sounding board.
And let the children gradually take charge. Is this realistic?

I am sure each child-parent relation is unique
but your experiences may just give us the guidance and the assurance that we too can do it.

I am not sure if this should go under Working with your child section as this is not about Sec school academics ... but more on an EQ level.

And then i tot maybe more parents with Sec school kids may be gracing this area so place it here

I dun know abt other parents. My personal experience along last year (DS is in Sec 1 now) is that from Primary to Secondary, there was literally an overnight change:
- in Primary, he was not so self conscious. Suddenly, when reach Secondary, he becomes self conscious - dressing (the type, colour and design of t-shirts, types and design of go out shoes). Whilst in Primary school, he just wore his socks (above ankle), once reach Secondary, suddenly school socks must be ankle or below. Rather be caught dead than seen with any socks above ankle.
- suddenly, in public, his parents becomes taboo. prefers not to be seen next to his parents
- I no longer able to catch up daily on his school work. He prefers to study on his own and is upset if I check his work. Even during exam periods, most of the time, he would prefer that he studies alone than to have me beside him. After that when he felt he needed me to test his understanding, he will "invite" me to go through with him.
- I know he is starting to be interested in girls and have been drumming into him that now is not the time for individual BGR and the reasons why.

In short, he wants to have more autonomy, image is very important to him. As a mum, this takes some adjustment on my part to be prepared to let go a little to give him room to develop.

Having said that, there are ground rules and boundaries which he will have to abide to and for which are non-negotiable. For example:
no going out with friends during school days. must come home straight after school. if have to stay back, must call back immediately to report. going out with friends for movies, shopping etc only allowable during June and Dec school holidays
handphone to be "submitted" and keep out of reach during periods of self revision - this is a big distractor for my DS. He has this habit of smsing non-stop with his friends - current school mates as well as Pri school mates.

Thx to Jade for the tips and advise. As this is the 1st child for me to go through this transition period. all advises are very valuable.

I did not see much difference in my boy. Maybe becos I let go since he was in P5. He is capable of planning his work/play schedule. The times I need to nag is his time allocated to revising CL seems very little to me. He's not interested in girls yet and he hates going shopping if there is nothing he really needs to buy. So far he has gone out once with his good friend in pri sch to catch a movie. The friend's mother picked him up and dropped him off our place, no chance to wonder off elsewhere. Oh, there was another occasion he went out with a few pri sch friends to watch a movie after sch. On occasions he wanted to stay back in sch for projects or play football, he would sms me to ask for permission and let me know roughly what time he would come home.

Abt usage of handphone, I disallowed calling using handphone at home, citing health reasons. Better be safe. So his friends call our house phone and I would be in the know who called. He does not close his room door so sometimes I can hear what they are talking abt. He is aware the handphone subscription plan has only 360 free sms. So he keeps tab on how many sms he has written and takes care not to exceed the max. no.

Quite a few years ago, I did hv a talk with him abt trusting him and his decisions. So far, he has not disappointed me.

Thanks Jade,

I feel unless both parent and child should change and support one another. Redefine rules and expectations...

Easier said than done. Ur input will help parents like me to be better prepared.

Thanks Jennifer,

Looks like ur DS is a well adjusted child. You surely have played ur part.

in fact with DD I perhaps got more invloved during P6, since time management and planning seemed lacking and workload was more... P1-P5 she was on her own as far as school work was concerned.

Some of the ground rules you have set are good , thanks for sharing.

Sun_2010 wrote:I feel unless both parent and child should change and support one another. Redefine rules and expectations...

This is very true. We need to grow as parents too With two children of different personality and maturity level, the task is harder

Dear Friends,
While awaiting for the PSLE 2010 results, as parents of Sec 1 batch 2011 students, we are all anxious to know about the preparing for our DD & DS for the High School. Can you all give us some tips?

PSLEmom ,

Same status as you,

There is another similar thread with some pointers if you want to check out -
http://www.kiasuparents.com/kiasu/forum ... hp?t=14796