KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

Now that I read your worries, frankly speaking I would too if we are talking about worrying for their safety in getting home. On studies, no, she has her struggles but she is learning to overcome it..

The only time my dd need to get back home on her own, which was unplanned for..she walked home from school as I was not at home and her hp battery gone flat.. it was quite an 'adventure' to her she told me but managed to get home safely. I worry coz I find them quite 'blur' not street smart enough.. crossing the road etc. I always tell them those kids need to go to/fro school on their own will have this extra 'smartness'.. I know that but just feel worry lor to let go.. thought that if I can still do it, just continue ba..but if I must let go, maybe getting them a hp will be good, we will know where they are, less worry.

It is 'sad' to know that we parents 'protect' our children so much.

Knowing how to go school and back on their own is perhaps the most basic skill that they need to have.
While we worry for them - we need to encourage them - to learn these independent survival.

I guess different people has different worries. Some worry about safety, some worry about academic etc.

hi parents, i'm posting in this thread hopefully to glean insights from parents a little further on in the pre-teen->teenage girl journey.

my question in short is : has anyone's kid gone successfully smart-phone free (ie no SM, no whatsapp, no telegram, twitter reddit etc) throughout their secondary life? To be clear, i'm fine with internet access on a laptop or school device - just not a 24/7 pinging window to the world in their bags, in their rooms, beside their beds ...

i regret giving my child a smart phone so early (P5) and even with parental filters and screen time limits, the rampant cyberbullying, foulness, information overload and hyperconnectivity has just been overwhelming. Not to mention the constant one-upping and exclusion on insta and status updates that is so unnecessary. Even if my child's not directly involved in it, just watchng it unfold before their eyes takes a toll on their mental health. Thus, I am considering simply sticking with a dumb-phone (like a Nokia or keypad only type thing) for as long as possible....

Hoping to hear experiences, views from other parents of girl pre/teens ...

Kittenprincess wrote: ↑

Tue Sep 13, 2022 11:16 am

hi parents, i'm posting in this thread hopefully to glean insights from parents a little further on in the pre-teen->teenage girl journey.

my question in short is : has anyone's kid gone successfully smart-phone free (ie no SM, no whatsapp, no telegram, twitter reddit etc) throughout their secondary life? To be clear, i'm fine with internet access on a laptop or school device - just not a 24/7 pinging window to the world in their bags, in their rooms, beside their beds ...

i regret giving my child a smart phone so early (P5) and even with parental filters and screen time limits, the rampant cyberbullying, foulness, information overload and hyperconnectivity has just been overwhelming. Not to mention the constant one-upping and exclusion on insta and status updates that is so unnecessary. Even if my child's not directly involved in it, just watchng it unfold before their eyes takes a toll on their mental health. Thus, I am considering simply sticking with a dumb-phone (like a Nokia or keypad only type thing) for as long as possible....

Hoping to hear experiences, views from other parents of girl pre/teens ...

I feel your pain!!!

I am also appalled by what these P5/6 kids say/share on whatsapp and various other social media forums. It's horrendous. If I did that during my day, my parents would have clubbed me, dragged me back to the cave and made me etch "I WILL BE A GOOD BOY" a thousand times on the cave wall. Jokes aside, it was shocking for me to see what children at their age are capable of.

I too thought of getting my DS a mindless non-smart phone once he hits Sec 1 but I don't think it is possible. What I've been taught instead is to go big on education. Teach them about how to be responsible phone and social media users. Encourage them to manage their own time diligently and to be responsible for what they say and do online. Essentially, to wish that I was somehow bestowed with magical powers and could have my DS obey my commands.

In short, I'm also at a loss. I know that they'll need a smart device once they enter secondary school. Controlling their use and encouraging maturity will be difficult. Much depends on the environment they are in as well. I'm open to listening to what others parents have to say, esp. those who have faced such a challenge and come out smiling (without the use of drugs, of course).

Mr.Clumsy wrote: ↑

Tue Sep 13, 2022 11:31 am

I feel your pain!!!

I am also appalled by what these P5/6 kids say/share on whatsapp and various other social media forums. It's horrendous. If I did that during my day, my parents would have clubbed me, dragged me back to the cave and made me etch "I WILL BE A GOOD BOY" a thousand times on the cave wall. Jokes aside, it was shocking for me to see what children at their age are capable of.

I too thought of getting my DS a mindless non-smart phone once he hits Sec 1 but I don't think it is possible. What I've been taught instead is to go big on education. Teach them about how to be responsible phone and social media users. Encourage them to manage their own time diligently and to be responsible for what they say and do online. Essentially, to wish that I was somehow bestowed with magical powers and could have my DS obey my commands.

In short, I'm also at a loss. I know that they'll need a smart device once they enter secondary school. Controlling their use and encouraging maturity will be difficult. Much depends on the environment they are in as well. I'm open to listening to what others parents have to say, esp. those who have faced such a challenge and come out smiling (without the use of drugs, of course).

thanks for your reply man i feel so much less alone!

it's like these kids have completely different personas online (chat groups) and in real life... like jekyll and hyde. all the most horrific things my child has witnessed at 10 - the suicide, self-harm, egging other classmates on "you're better off dead" or "youre a failed abortion". yet when i see them on playdates or at the neighborhood playground - there they are running around like regular 10YOs should talking about PG things.

its super toxic and im feeling nihilistic about how technology has far surpassed our ability to build safeguards for the kids.

im planning to be the unpopular parent and ban SM until JC. it's been 1 week without the smart phone and bringing the girl school drama home. so far, noticed SUCH a difference in my child - less sassy, less mouthy, less anxious. no easy answers here.

Based on what older parents have told me, important info is communicated via Whatsapp directly to the kids’ class chats in secondary schools. It may be possible to survive on just a “dumb” phone but miss out on teacher’s instructions regarding projects/assignments/tests etc. (unless Whatsapp is installed on the laptop & constantly checking).

DS has no phone (yet) but I have been observing his social media usage to check how sensible he is. Lots of ongoing conversations etc able responsible use & being respectful of others.

Have not decided between a dumb phone & smart phone for Sec 1 but the latter seems an inevitable can of worms…

Boys are slightly different from girls in their online barbs, but I do get what u mean about the difference in behaviours, kittenprincess! DS and I have a running joke about “the quiet kid gonna kill us all”…ie the quiet & seemingly obedient ones are the ones spouting the most foul and crude stuff online. And their parents are clueless about it.

If your kids can accept without having a smart phone at school, then just let them sticking with a dumb-phone as long as possible. However, when most classmates are using smart phone and chatting via telegram or sharing their photos in Instagram, then how can they tell their friends they are not using a smart phone and cannot join the chat?

zac's mum wrote: ↑

Tue Sep 13, 2022 11:52 am

Boys are slightly different from girls in their online barbs, but I do get what u mean about the difference in behaviours, kittenprincess! DS and I have a running joke about “the quiet kid gonna kill us all”…ie the quiet & seemingly obedient ones are the ones spouting the most foul and crude stuff online. And their parents are clueless about it.

exactly, zac's mum, the troublemakers online are indeed the quiet girls. alot of glorification of SH, cutting, cyberbullying... the problem with SM and a hyperconnected life is i get the sense - the normal social faux pas youd make as a child, just gets amplified and spreads like wildfire and there is very little room for error or chance to reflect on your missteps. a kid in her class recently got shamed on a playdate by wearing the "wrong" swimsuit. i was cringing when i saw photos/reposts of this child spread on their SM platforms like wildfire.

sorry to be ranty about this, and i have dozens more examples to share (i kept quite a close watch on my kid's phone after i realised they were egging each other on to self-harm).

just felt that it's not right at all for schools to presume everyone is comfortable with the same level of online collaboration, or exposure ...or to even presume smart phone ownership (and thus easy assumptions about disseminating HW or instructions via this platform).

i told my DD (when she began griping about no phone to rely on HW prompts, project work etc) - you'll just have to exercise your brain a bit more to write notes in your diary or face the consequences if you forget. project work has to be co-ordinated the day before - no last minute changes or demands to print last minute stuff at 10PM at night (yes this happened).

sorry too - this is absolutely not meant as a judgment to parents who feel their kid is ready for a smart phone. i really admire those whose kids have the executive skills to filter filter filter. mine's just on the slower/later end of developing certain socio-emotional skills and lacks the capacity to filter the online world