Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

With most families being dual-income-with-kids, outsourcing home cleaning and home economics to domestic helpers is almost a way of life for Singaporeans. Come in and discuss issues pertaining to maids and home management.

Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby BeContented » Mon Apr 25, 2011 6:03 pm

Hi,
Have hired a maid a few months ago to look after FIL. He's mid 70s, has mild dementia, doesn't talk or socialise and is slightly weak in his legs but still mobile & able to feed himself well. However, he needs help when he pee/poo/bath.

Just like to see what kind of things I have to be aware/avoid cos' a lot of times, the 2 of them are left alone in the house. Also, with the FIL's condition, if maid wanna make any accusation, it'll be difficult to verify.
Am I being unduly worried?
PS : The jobscope has been communicated clearly to the maid and she had agreed to it before she was hired.

BeContented
KiasuGrandMaster
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby LOLMum » Mon Apr 25, 2011 10:16 pm

nope, you are right to worry.

write out the job description and get maid to sign (hope it is not too late cos she was hired a few months ago right?)

install camera to make sure maid is not ill-treating fil and to avoid any misunderstanding or accusations.

given the condition your fil is in, i dont think he can go round hugging, kissing her etc. but do look out for bruises on him and once in a while feed and bath him yourself.

all the best.

LOLMum
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby wiimum » Tue Apr 26, 2011 7:24 am

Some suggestions:

1. Spring surprise visits at various time of the day and night, look out for tell tale signs each time, eg , dirty floors, dirty clothes, taking very long to answer the door bell. Use a spare key to enter when necessary.

2. garner help of the immediate neighbours, upstairs and downstairs, as well as next door. They can be your "eyes" and "ears".

3. Install camera, at least in common area like the living room and kitchen, this will at least serve as a deterrent to some mischief.

4. Get the maid off your back when talking to your FIL. If he has been mistreated and threatened, he might not tell the truth with the maid hanging around.

5. Check his food intake, whether he is eating healthily. Sometimes, the good food is taken(stolen) by the helper and the scraps given while you are not around.

We had our fair share of good and bad helpers for our bed ridden relatives and hope these would help you.

wiimum
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby BeContented » Tue Apr 26, 2011 2:55 pm

wiimum wrote:1. Spring surprise visits at various time of the day and night, look out for tell tale signs each time, eg , dirty floors, dirty clothes, taking very long to answer the door bell. Use a spare key to enter when necessary.

So far, main chores are done. As we always have own keys, dun need maid to open doors. However, sometimes she would lock the main wooden door. Reason - people knocking so she's worried and wanna prevent FIL from going out too easily. Can't say much on these.....

wiimum wrote:Get the maid off your back when talking to your FIL. If he has been mistreated and threatened, he might not tell the truth with the maid hanging around.

errrhhh, FIL does not response type.....can't depend on this. Plus he will react if someone is nasty or fierce to him, so based on observation, she has not done anything to irk him.


wiimum wrote:Check his food intake, whether he is eating healthily. Sometimes, the good food is taken(stolen) by the helper and the scraps given while you are not around.

No issue, we are around during meal times....plus he's only getting fatter, not the other way round.

Thanks. As for camera, dun think we would install cos' I'm actually a SAHM. Just that I have to do a lot of chauffeuring, hence goes in&out a lot. Will also be away for a few hours on certain days, just pre-empting cos' maid has been trying to check me out by always asking how long I'll be out etc.

BeContented
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby BeContented » Tue Apr 26, 2011 3:16 pm

LOLMum wrote:nope, you are right to worry.

write out the job description and get maid to sign (hope it is not too late cos she was hired a few months ago right?)

install camera to make sure maid is not ill-treating fil and to avoid any misunderstanding or accusations.

given the condition your fil is in, i dont think he can go round hugging, kissing her etc. but do look out for bruises on him and once in a while feed and bath him yourself.

all the best.


Hi LOLMum,
The requirements was written somewhere in the contract and maid has signed against it, so should be quite ok.

Actually I kinda got concerned as recently, maid claim FIL's thing 'woke up' while bathing. So wonder if other employers have had this kind of cases before and how do you deal with this? Frankly FIL does not seem such a person plus with his gong-gong condition, how to know? In any case, he's weak and will fall with a push while maid is tall and big (one head taller), so no way can he forced her if she is an unwilling party. I have also stressed to her repeatedly (right from start since need to take care male elderly), if anything improper happens, just walk away and must tell us so that we can deal with it. So no concern of him forcing on her as long as she is not a willing party.

All I want is to be more aware and be prepared just in-case she starts making accusation as recently I have the feeling that she's up to something, so getting a little concerned :|

BeContented
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby Vevey » Tue Apr 26, 2011 5:03 pm

Speaking from personal experience, plse install cameras even if u r a SAHM, as ur maid is taking care of a "gong gong" person.

Vevey
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby LOLMum » Tue Apr 26, 2011 10:40 pm

[quote="cwc]

Hi LOLMum,
The requirements was written somewhere in the contract and maid has signed against it, so should be quite ok.

Actually I kinda got concerned as recently, maid claim FIL's thing 'woke up' while bathing. So wonder if other employers have had this kind of cases before and how do you deal with this? :|[/quote]


hi,

fil's flag flying high is a normal reaction regardless of age. but must say it is kinda awkward for maid.

dont have anyone who has experience looking after fil (it is always the mil who needs looking after) but do you have a family dr whom you can get to explain to the maid (in your presence as well) about this "woke up" thingy? dr is a professional and could double up as a witness for you in case maid accuse fil of behaving inappropraitely towards her. if no family dr, any possibility of checking out clinics or maybe a friend who is a nurse or in health care to explain?

what about wrapping a towel round his waist while bathing and maybe she can wear a pair of gloves to wash that area? no skin to skin contact there might be easier to do the job.

this awkwardness takes time to overcome and maid either get used to it or dislike doing it.

LOLMum
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby BeContented » Tue Apr 26, 2011 11:12 pm

LOLMum wrote:fil's flag flying high is a normal reaction regardless of age. but must say it is kinda awkward for maid.

dont have anyone who has experience looking after fil (it is always the mil who needs looking after) but do you have a family dr whom you can get to explain to the maid (in your presence as well) about this "woke up" thingy? dr is a professional and could double up as a witness for you in case maid accuse fil of behaving inappropraitely towards her. if no family dr, any possibility of checking out clinics or maybe a friend who is a nurse or in health care to explain?

what about wrapping a towel round his waist while bathing and maybe she can wear a pair of gloves to wash that area? no skin to skin contact there might be easier to do the job.

this awkwardness takes time to overcome and maid either get used to it or dislike doing it.


Maid does not touch there, she only washes up to certain spots and FIL washes there himself.
Maid is married and in late 30s, so she knows enough that it can still wake up cos' I spoke to her before. Anyway, good point about getting a dr to help explain further, just in case :)

Frankly, I pity her too.....having to face such things. I will have BIG problem, that's why DH never asked me to do it, 99% I'll reject too. Will leave that job to to MIL :shock:

BeContented
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby flyfree » Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:04 pm

cwc wrote:
LOLMum wrote:fil's flag flying high is a normal reaction regardless of age. but must say it is kinda awkward for maid.

dont have anyone who has experience looking after fil (it is always the mil who needs looking after) but do you have a family dr whom you can get to explain to the maid (in your presence as well) about this "woke up" thingy? dr is a professional and could double up as a witness for you in case maid accuse fil of behaving inappropraitely towards her. if no family dr, any possibility of checking out clinics or maybe a friend who is a nurse or in health care to explain?

what about wrapping a towel round his waist while bathing and maybe she can wear a pair of gloves to wash that area? no skin to skin contact there might be easier to do the job.

this awkwardness takes time to overcome and maid either get used to it or dislike doing it.


Maid does not touch there, she only washes up to certain spots and FIL washes there himself.
Maid is married and in late 30s, so she knows enough that it can still wake up cos' I spoke to her before. Anyway, good point about getting a dr to help explain further, just in case :)

Frankly, I pity her too.....having to face such things. I will have BIG problem, that's why DH never asked me to do it, 99% I'll reject too. Will leave that job to to MIL :shock:



maid is married, shld know FIL's reaction is normal cos a female is bathing him. why she still tell u this? Could it be she trying to hint something else?or she herself is aroused after seeing FIL's physical reaction

flyfree
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Re: Maid looking after elderly male : what to look out

Postby BeContented » Fri Jul 22, 2011 11:19 pm

Hi,
Thanks for all the reply....things are coming to an end......
Things took a drastic turn as FIL has been diagnosed with cancer recently and has little time left. Life is so unpredictable ...... :shrug:

BeContented
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