KiasuParents - Parenting in Singapore

Hi, firstly apologies as this is a long post! But I would really appreciate input from others, thanks!

So, my new transfer maid started a week ago. Some drama before she came which made me regret hiring her but I pushed that incident aside. The initial good impression I had of her is gone and I now regret hiring her. Agency told me to give it more time for us to get used to each other.

It's the little things, like her complaints e.g. my knives aren't sharp enough. OK, they are not razor-sharp but they do the job fine. So I suggested the small-ish chopper knife which my ex-maid used daily, but new maid said it's too big.

Her ex employer hardly ate at home, so my maid used to cook for herself. She bought salmon fish which she tells me is a rare treat. She claims to have little money yet have no problems paying $20+ for 2 salmon slices?

Yesterday she complaint that her bathroom smells of cat litter even though she has washed the floor. My cat's litter box used to be there but not anymore. I'm sure the scent will go away in time. I can't understand why she's complaining since a) she's new and b)she has the common bathroom to herself + it's newly renovated]. My kids use our master bathroom. There is a maid's bathroom in our yard area but it doesn't have water heater. So I don't have the heart to let her use it.

Her chores are mainly housework and cooking. She eats whatever we eat. She has afternoons free and she's free to use her laptop when her chores are done. By 8pm, her work for the day is done. Sundays off. She is a little chatty but as I find her irritating, I tend to keep to myself.

She's hardworking and seems hygienic and she's a good cook. My husband has no issues with her whatsover. He's Mr easy-going. I just have a bad hunch about her but I can't put my finger on it. She just annoys me and I don't really like her in my space. This was never the case with my ex-maid. Am I too sensitive? I feel like firing her today but I have no valid reasons? I was woken up at dawn yesterday because of my hunch. If I were to fire her, I'd feel bad because she had 2 other families that wanted her and she chose us.

Anyone else been through this? i.e. bad hunch about maid that turned out true/untrue?

My bad hunch turns out fine. Just give yourself some time to get used to her? It's always not easy to have a new outsider living with you.

Your hunch is going to get worse. Usually maids are better in the begininning and will get worse over the time although I had a maid that was an exception.

I suggest that you get a new maid. If you can't click with somebody, very likely you won't ever click with that person.

ngl2010 wrote:Your hunch is going to get worse. Usually maids are better in the begininning and will get worse over the time although I had a maid that was an exception.

I suggest that you get a new maid. If you can't click with somebody, very likely you won't ever click with that person.

Sounds to me like she got herself a good maid."She's hardworking and seems hygienic and she's a good cook"

I would give it some more time - it's only been a week. See if she starts to grow on you or starts to irritate you more. To fire her on a hunch is a little unfair on her.

If you do decide in the end that you can't get on with her then give her time to transfer and try to help her with the transition. If she can find someone without going through an agent then she won't lose out financially.

Not to scare twinkletoes or anyone but just sharing my experience.

5 years ago I had a bad hunch about the BASC that I sent DS1 to and it turned out to be true. Withdrew him after less than 6 months and got a pinoy maid.
She was super friendly and sweet. As my experience with previous maids was when I treated them well, they were also good, so I thought I should treat her well and with respect as well.

I bought her the basic necessities as she had none with her, created email account for her so that she can communicate with her husband and tweens children, lent her my laptop to access/check emails, bought her calling cards to call home etc...

She continued to be friendly and sweet, and told us how much she loved her family. Her husband (a respectable lecturer in phil) even spoke to us over the phone.

However, within the first week, I already did not feel very comfortable with her. I had 2 maids before that (still have maid now) and the feeling was just very different. I just had this bad hunch about her, and her "over-friendliness".

After a few weeks, she started to talk to DH as though they are friends, and even touched his arm. DH & MIL told her off. 2-3 months later, BIL threw his wedding lunch and other relatives were there. One uncle casually commented she looked pretty and oh my... for the next 2-3 weeks, she couldn't forget THAT comment.

She begin to speak ill of my MIL to me, and vice versa. My MIL also had alot of clashes with her. My kids started to call me at work almost everyday to complain that she was not helping (e.g. they wanted to play with a certain toy that was kept high and needed her help to bring down but she refused to help them). DS2 told me that when she was alone with him, she told him, "you are so stupid, soooooo stupid."

All this while, she kept her angelic smile and attitude towards us. When we were at home, she was very nice to the boys and us, even offered to massage my MIL every night for her neck/backache. However, as I was the one receiving the complaints from DSs and MIL, I had this very bad feeling about her, plus other things like taking very long to fetch DS2 from childcare etc.

Once, I questioned her "angelic behavior in front of us but devilish acts behind our backs." She denied that.

Barely 5 months after she came, BIL caught her going out with lipstick on. He questioned her and she said she was going down to buy things. The ultimate came when my neighbour reported to us that they saw her (a couple of times) hanky panky downstairs with some foreign workers. We searched her bag and found night club namecards, men's telephone numbers, photos etc... all these while she had NO offdays... we sent her back immediately.

After she was gone, DS1 told us she used to step on our bed and kicked him up (DS1 slept on our bed at times).

I was furious and reminded DSs that any acts from the maids to them must be reported to me immediately. I was glad I got rid of her quickly. The next one that came was God sent....

So I suppose perhaps you can try, trrrry... to pinpoint what is it that is bothering you. For my case above, my uneasiness was her "friendliness" and I had this feeling of her angelic front but devilish acts behind our backs after speaking with DSs a few times and thru my own observations, though DH & MIL did not feel so.

Not sure if you work or are at home with her whole day. If you are home, best is observe or talk to others who also deals with her. Perhaps it was the "incident" before she came that caused the hunch? Sometimes, some incidents may "reveal" the true character of the person.

As for her nitty gritty complaints, put your foot down on her. Stop her once and for all else it will go on and on. But as what others said, maybe give yourself a little while more and see if the bad hunch eases. If not, then u may wan to consider changing.

My sil had this indo maid. She was like a god sent to them. She is nice, not bad looking, fair, full of initiative (eg. she will match the shoes for my sil. If she sees my sil wearing certain clothes, she will take that pair of shoes out for her.) Sil told me that maybe she came from a history of maid, she has that serving attitude.

But somehow... I just don't feel "comfortable" with her for some strange reasons. I kept telling my friend that there is more to it. In the end, she borrowed $ and camera from my maid, promised my sil to come back. Nothing happened. They waited for her at the airport but she didn't board the flight. My maid's $ and camera were gone too...

Well the fish incident is certainly unusual. It is normal to feel suspicious of such things. Keep your valuables carefully and monitor for now. When maids have extra money, it is usually from stealing or other men. (I know there may be exceptions, but generally this is so. )

my mum's indonesian maid with her for 2yrs.She looks very decent.She is in mid 20s,slim n petite,quiet.

My mum has developed trust on her(since she has worked wf her for 2yrs),so she left the hse keys to her.

One day,she woke up early n found that she was still sleeping.Curious,she pushed the door...Guess what she saw??? She saw her sleeping half naked with Indian man.My mum shouted.The man quickly wore sarong n ran out through the back gate.

Immediately,they called the police n sent the maid back.They found 3 h/phones & several condoms in her room. My mum said no wonder she saw her washing bedsheet almost everyday.