How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

With most families being dual-income-with-kids, outsourcing home cleaning and home economics to domestic helpers is almost a way of life for Singaporeans. Come in and discuss issues pertaining to maids and home management.

How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby gumiho » Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:39 pm

It is common for maid to have facebook nowadays.
My maid has one......... Initially I cannot be bother about her having FB as I believe in fairness.
We can have one, why not the maid. They are also human like us.

This morning, my father mentioned to me that my helper was using our house phone everyday for an hour plus chatting with her boyfriend (when all of us are not around except for my father).
We allow her to own a handphone, we even allow her to chat on the phone during working hour (-_-"") then she has no reason to utilize our home phone for personal call because we are paying for the phone bill.
Again, I login to her facebook today. Shockingly, her status is "In a relationship with XXXX" and there are even mushy comments between her and her lover. (She was married with 2 kids).

Well...... I know I shouldn't bother in her personal affair but when she is using our home phone to chit chat with her lover..... It bothers me !!
All thanks to FB ! I know about her personal life when she is out of our house. It may not be bad for the maid to own a FB afterall.

Apparently, my main concern is to whether send her home or continue to tolerate her until her contract ends (Dec'13) ?

gumiho
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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby twinkletoes » Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:26 pm

If it was me, I'd send her off now and not wait for her contract to end. December isn't too far away but between now and then, she could end up pregnant or he could be the bf from hell and that can get messy for maid and employer. Think of the worst case scenarios and ask yourself if it's worth the hassle.

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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby longmao.irene » Tue Apr 30, 2013 7:59 pm

Totally agree wif twinletoes.
Hving a maid is to relieve stress fr hsework etc n not to add on extra worry on safety of home (bf may drop by or mess up d hse if relationshp turns sour, etc).. There's so many "unpredictable" events, for me i rather let her go to save myself headache

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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby nms1 » Thu May 02, 2013 12:03 pm

I think this is a tough one.

Maids have a right to a private life outside of our homes in the same way that we do but they need to conduct themselves in a proper manner i.e. no boyfriends or friends in the house, no wasting time chatting on the phone etc. The problem comes when they don't know where to draw the line.

In your case I would talk to her, tell her that you are aware that she has a boyfriend, that you don't think it is right given that she is married but it is her personal choice. Make it clear that the long phone calls need to stop and remind her of the consequences if she gets pregnant. Not only will she be sent home but she will need to explain the pregnancy to her husband.

My maid's cousin managed to get pregnant within a few months of being here (no days off!) and ended up having to go back - she was trying to decide whether to lie to her husband and pass the baby off as his, have an illegal abortion in Manila before she went back or face the music.

nms1
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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby gumiho » Thu May 02, 2013 2:06 pm

nms1 wrote:I think this is a tough one.

Maids have a right to a private life outside of our homes in the same way that we do but they need to conduct themselves in a proper manner i.e. no boyfriends or friends in the house, no wasting time chatting on the phone etc. The problem comes when they don't know where to draw the line.

In your case I would talk to her, tell her that you are aware that she has a boyfriend, that you don't think it is right given that she is married but it is her personal choice. Make it clear that the long phone calls need to stop and remind her of the consequences if she gets pregnant. Not only will she be sent home but she will need to explain the pregnancy to her husband.

My maid's cousin managed to get pregnant within a few months of being here (no days off!) and ended up having to go back - she was trying to decide whether to lie to her husband and pass the baby off as his, have an illegal abortion in Manila before she went back or face the music.


Hi nms1,

In fact, I did thought of talking to her about her bf and phone call issue. However, she is a stubborn person. Ever since her first day in Singapore, I did warned her not to get involve in any bf/gf relationship. Right now, she is in a relationship it prove that she had turned a deaf ear in my advise. She is in a bad relationship with her husband. She want to divorce her husband but due to the strict religion's rules, she is stuck.

This incident happen so sudden and we has yet to save enough cash to employ a new helper. Just wondering if there are any preventive measure to be taken during her stay with us ?

gumiho
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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby pinkybear » Fri May 03, 2013 1:21 am

gumiho wrote:
nms1 wrote:I think this is a tough one.

Maids have a right to a private life outside of our homes in the same way that we do but they need to conduct themselves in a proper manner i.e. no boyfriends or friends in the house, no wasting time chatting on the phone etc. The problem comes when they don't know where to draw the line.

In your case I would talk to her, tell her that you are aware that she has a boyfriend, that you don't think it is right given that she is married but it is her personal choice. Make it clear that the long phone calls need to stop and remind her of the consequences if she gets pregnant. Not only will she be sent home but she will need to explain the pregnancy to her husband.

My maid's cousin managed to get pregnant within a few months of being here (no days off!) and ended up having to go back - she was trying to decide whether to lie to her husband and pass the baby off as his, have an illegal abortion in Manila before she went back or face the music.


Hi nms1,

In fact, I did thought of talking to her about her bf and phone call issue. However, she is a stubborn person. Ever since her first day in Singapore, I did warned her not to get involve in any bf/gf relationship. Right now, she is in a relationship it prove that she had turned a deaf ear in my advise. She is in a bad relationship with her husband. She want to divorce her husband but due to the strict religion's rules, she is stuck.

This incident happen so sudden and we has yet to save enough cash to employ a new helper. Just wondering if there are any preventive measure to be taken during her stay with us ?


Hi gumiho
My friend had the same problem years ago. Her helper is good but met a guy and the guy bought her hp, etc. Her helper is a stubborn person too. Her helper had divorced her husband as he had girlfriends in Indonesia. Her helper needs to support her young son and parents back in Indonesia. My friend had a heart to heard talk with her and explained all the consequences would happen. Her helper agreed to end the relationship. This year is her 13th year working for my friend.

I think can talk to her, knock some sense into her. You need to ask do you want her working for you another few years.

pinkybear
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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby gumiho » Fri May 03, 2013 9:18 am

pinkybear wrote:
gumiho wrote:
nms1 wrote:I think this is a tough one.

Maids have a right to a private life outside of our homes in the same way that we do but they need to conduct themselves in a proper manner i.e. no boyfriends or friends in the house, no wasting time chatting on the phone etc. The problem comes when they don't know where to draw the line.

In your case I would talk to her, tell her that you are aware that she has a boyfriend, that you don't think it is right given that she is married but it is her personal choice. Make it clear that the long phone calls need to stop and remind her of the consequences if she gets pregnant. Not only will she be sent home but she will need to explain the pregnancy to her husband.

My maid's cousin managed to get pregnant within a few months of being here (no days off!) and ended up having to go back - she was trying to decide whether to lie to her husband and pass the baby off as his, have an illegal abortion in Manila before she went back or face the music.


Hi nms1,

In fact, I did thought of talking to her about her bf and phone call issue. However, she is a stubborn person. Ever since her first day in Singapore, I did warned her not to get involve in any bf/gf relationship. Right now, she is in a relationship it prove that she had turned a deaf ear in my advise. She is in a bad relationship with her husband. She want to divorce her husband but due to the strict religion's rules, she is stuck.

This incident happen so sudden and we has yet to save enough cash to employ a new helper. Just wondering if there are any preventive measure to be taken during her stay with us ?


Hi gumiho
My friend had the same problem years ago. Her helper is good but met a guy and the guy bought her hp, etc. Her helper is a stubborn person too. Her helper had divorced her husband as he had girlfriends in Indonesia. Her helper needs to support her young son and parents back in Indonesia. My friend had a heart to heard talk with her and explained all the consequences would happen. Her helper agreed to end the relationship. This year is her 13th year working for my friend.

I think can talk to her, knock some sense into her. You need to ask do you want her working for you another few years.


Hi pinkybear,

Thank you so much for your advise.

Initially, my helper had intended to end her contract with us in June'13 and one day she suddenly change her mind saying she want to finish her contract with us in Dec'13. Well...... The reason might be due to her bf.

All along she has no intention to continue her contract with us due to she cannot get along with my father and daughter. She renew her contract with us could be due to the we are bringing her to Hong Kong for holiday.

gumiho
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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby germainemummy » Fri May 03, 2013 5:09 pm

gumiho wrote:
nms1 wrote:I think this is a tough one.

Maids have a right to a private life outside of our homes in the same way that we do but they need to conduct themselves in a proper manner i.e. no boyfriends or friends in the house, no wasting time chatting on the phone etc. The problem comes when they don't know where to draw the line.

In your case I would talk to her, tell her that you are aware that she has a boyfriend, that you don't think it is right given that she is married but it is her personal choice. Make it clear that the long phone calls need to stop and remind her of the consequences if she gets pregnant. Not only will she be sent home but she will need to explain the pregnancy to her husband.

My maid's cousin managed to get pregnant within a few months of being here (no days off!) and ended up having to go back - she was trying to decide whether to lie to her husband and pass the baby off as his, have an illegal abortion in Manila before she went back or face the music.


Hi nms1,

In fact, I did thought of talking to her about her bf and phone call issue. However, she is a stubborn person. Ever since her first day in Singapore, I did warned her not to get involve in any bf/gf relationship. Right now, she is in a relationship it prove that she had turned a deaf ear in my advise. She is in a bad relationship with her husband. She want to divorce her husband but due to the strict religion's rules, she is stuck.

This incident happen so sudden and we has yet to save enough cash to employ a new helper. Just wondering if there are any preventive measure to be taken during her stay with us ?


Take her hp away from her, tell her that if not u will send her home

germainemummy
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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby nms1 » Fri May 03, 2013 5:18 pm

germainemummy wrote:
gumiho wrote:
nms1 wrote:I think this is a tough one.

Maids have a right to a private life outside of our homes in the same way that we do but they need to conduct themselves in a proper manner i.e. no boyfriends or friends in the house, no wasting time chatting on the phone etc. The problem comes when they don't know where to draw the line.

In your case I would talk to her, tell her that you are aware that she has a boyfriend, that you don't think it is right given that she is married but it is her personal choice. Make it clear that the long phone calls need to stop and remind her of the consequences if she gets pregnant. Not only will she be sent home but she will need to explain the pregnancy to her husband.

My maid's cousin managed to get pregnant within a few months of being here (no days off!) and ended up having to go back - she was trying to decide whether to lie to her husband and pass the baby off as his, have an illegal abortion in Manila before she went back or face the music.


Hi nms1,

In fact, I did thought of talking to her about her bf and phone call issue. However, she is a stubborn person. Ever since her first day in Singapore, I did warned her not to get involve in any bf/gf relationship. Right now, she is in a relationship it prove that she had turned a deaf ear in my advise. She is in a bad relationship with her husband. She want to divorce her husband but due to the strict religion's rules, she is stuck.

This incident happen so sudden and we has yet to save enough cash to employ a new helper. Just wondering if there are any preventive measure to be taken during her stay with us ?


Take her hp away from her, tell her that if not u will send her home


Are you serious?! Do you think that she is going to be happy if her hp is taken away? Will she be an engaged employee?

I won't even go into whether or not you have the right to do that!

nms1
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Re: How to deal with Maid with Boyfriend ??

Postby germainemummy » Fri May 03, 2013 5:22 pm

Sigh, definately she will not be very happy but fact that at times employer give them freedom but yet they destroy the trust.

My piece of advise

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